Weekend Recap: WOOOOOOO Version

The N allowed a special exemption to have your humble editor to jump on the weekend recap. I apologize for the delay, but I doubt any letters will reach our inbox. (If you feel like writing, please use as many curse words as possible, and write in all caps.)

Onto this weekend, not that anything special happened. Except for…

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Yes, my beloved Penguins did what many deemed impossible. Sidney, Geno, and everyone else FINALLY got that Stanley Cup they’ve waited 5 years to hoist. There will clearly be a more substantial post on the accomplishment at a later time. But I don’t see how anyone that watched the last period can possibly say they can’t get into hockey. I know it was my team and all, but good lord. A crossbar to keep the lead in game 7 with 2 minutes left? Dead people had heart attacks watching that. And Hossa? You know I kinda feel ba… BAAAAAAAAH. His tears sustain me. Again, much, much more to come.

Another Championship. There was some sort of basketball contest or something this weekend too. We know we give the NBA a pretty big snub here, but we can say succinctly that we hate the Lakers. Thus, this series gets a big “whatevs” from us. Maybe if Penny Hardaway was still on the Magic, we would have paid attention. But those 4th quarters were unbearable. I’ve seen less timeouts at a daycare.

The final nail in the coffin for Detroit. Bill Laimbeer resigns as coach of WNBA’s Detroit Shock. Adjust your WNBA Fantasy Coach lineup accordingly.

Less important news than the WNBA… The Plaxico hearing has been delayed until September, which likely means he will not be playing football this season. The real lesson here is simple kids: buy a freaking holster, right? We’re not sure how this affects the Giants as a football team, but boy is Tom Coughlin’s face red ba-dum-ching. They’ll still beat the Redskins, have no fear.

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To be honest, that’s all I could find while at work today. It seemed to be a slow sports weekend other than the two championships. It may also be because I just woke up from Friday night. Anyone seen my pants?

A recap of the past 6 weeks

(The guy who comes up with our titles is on vacation.)

Ok, everyone just calm the hell down. Yes, it’s been awhile since your humble editor has graced you all with his presence, but he is still alive and well. (Since this is our main form of communication, I would like to also tell my family to stop worrying.)

I’d like to thank the Northerner for his posts of late. They may not be long, substantial or non-New-England-d-bag-like, but dammit they are humorous. And that’s really our only goal. Well, that and to be discovered for our athletic talent, be pulled out of the stands, and score the winning touchdown for the National Championship.

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So let’s catch up, shall we? What has gone on in the sporting world since we last spoke:

Virginia Tech’s Orange Bowl Victory

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Anyone else not overly excited about this? All we felt was relief. FINALLY. But the victory did taste good. Someone won the predictions, but they’ll get their prize next fall. It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s that I just don’t care.

A peak inside the North End Zone offices. The Northerner is on the far right.

(…just kidding. I care IMMENSELY. Like, way more than I should. And I didn’t win a single week. My trophy would have been those Taco Bell enchilada platters. Those things are like Enter Sandman on the tastebuds.)

Unfortunately, based on some prior drunken rants, this BCS bowl win means that we can start talking about winning the whole thing. You won’t hear it from me, however. We are still light years away from being able to compete with the big guys on a regular basis.

Of course, it’s totally possible, and we are a step closer than we were last year. But don’t expect any of those prognostications from us. (You know, despite the fact that we predict Tech to win every game.)

So that’s it for our awesome recap of the game. So thank you Captain Steven Hiller. We can light up that cigar, now.

And for old times sake, have a good summer Big East…

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The Steelers won the Superbowl

Yes, I am the die hard Steeler fan on the site. And yes, I was entirely too happy to post anything about the game. No need to brag about it. Especially with the bitterness lying in wait with a Philly fan and Boston fan over here.

Suffice it to say that my T-9 word now recognizes “WOOOOOO!!!!”

The win also capped off the greatest sports year that your humble editor has ever experienced. My hockey team made the finals. My football teams won a BCS bowl and the Superbowl. Hell, my kickball team won the flip cup portion of our league. There really isn’t any realistic way for 365 days to turn out better.

And if you say you don’t have a man crush on Mike Tomlin, you are only kidding yourself.

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Brett Favre retires

Way to go Jets. You are such a terrible franchise that you convinced Brett Favre to hang ‘em up.

Ever had a girl go lesbian immediately after dating you?

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Preakness goes non-BYOB

It was a sad day at the North End Zone offices when this news was announced. After inspiring what most will argue is our best post on this here site, we are sad to say there will be no more baby pools filled with 9 cases of Natty and ice.

The Preakness immediately goes to the 9th most boring, pointless sporting event in Maryland. The top 7 are played in College Park every fall.

(There are 81 other boring events, but the Orioles are so terrible they are considered exhibitions.)

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Tech basketball

WTF??? Are we good or not? Please decide so we can figure out if breaking our tv is worth it.

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A-Rod gets busted for steroids

Shocking. A good major league player gets caught for juicing. We just wish everyone would stop acting so surprised. The only surprise would be if a player from the Royals or Pirates were doing anything illegal. It’s tough to cheat your way to 16 straight losing seasons.

And if it ever comes out that Andy Van Slyke was on steroids, my roommates have already warned the local mental institution of a possible new patient.

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So that’s our wrap up. We PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE to post more. Like, totally pinky-swear. (No guarantees on the funny.)

Also, suggestions on this year’s 65 team tournament are very much welcome. We thought about doing one to find out who the most badass character in Sudden Death was, but there’re only 65 slots. Not really fair.

Finally, as promised…

GO HOKIES!!!