Game 2: Marshall Preview

Welp, that sucked.

Another big game against the SEC. Another loss. How sad is it that we felt almost ok with the outcome since we didn’t get crushed or blow a 30 point lead?

In case you’re wondering, the last time we beat a top ten team was the 2006 over #10 Clemson. Since it was Clemson, we can barely count it.

The Northerner pretty much summed up what everyone was thinking from the Alabama game, but here are a few more thoughts before we put that guy to bed.

You know how many teams ESPN has made fun of for being super-duper predictable on offense? One. Us. It’s embarrassing.

There’s nothing we can even say any more. We are ready to lead an all out protest of Voldemort, our offensive coordinator. We’d like to see something like these town hall meetings on healthcare, only louder.

The defense spent nearly two-thirds of the game on the field. You know what you get when that happens? Five plays for 74 yards and a touchdown in just under three minutes. That would be Alabama’s last scoring drive after we cut the deficit to 3.

But don’t think the coaches were the only goats in this. Chancellor couldn’t cover a manhole. Tyrod threw for a whopping 91 yards. And whoever the f*** #62 is on the offensive line needs to be replaced with a parking cone. We know you’re just a kid, but come on man. You have to at least touch the guy as he goes screaming past you to kill our quarterback.

Ok, I feel a little bit better. It was out of conference, so mark that game with a big ol’ whatevs.

Also, WE DIDN’T LOSE TO WILLIAM AND FREAKING MARY!!!*

*More on that in our thank you’s for Hatefest 2009 tomorrow.

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On to Marshall.

As a disclaimer, I need to note that my sister, a hardcore Virginia Tech fan, attends Marshall University. She has rooted for Tech since forever, and that’s not easy growing up in Morgantown. If my vile for the school seems a little toned down this week, you’ll have to forgive me.

She plans to attend the game wearing a Marshall shirt with a VT hat. This will be sure to confuse and confound anybody that happens to see her. Any abuse by Tech fans (which would be pretty sad, it’s freaking Marshall) will be swiftly dealt with by her jacked, ex-linebacker brother.

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The Bad Guys
Other than the movie starring the dreamy Jack Sheppard and the dad from Hot Rod, not too much has happened since we last saw this team. They had been led by Byron Leftwich, most known for his backup role on the Steelers last year. (Don’t laugh, he has a Superbowl ring.)

Now? 99% of football fans couldn’t name one Marshall player.

If you really want a scouting report on this team, you’re not reading this site. But I wouldn’t waste your time. If we struggle at all, there will be bigger fish to fry.

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The Hokies
We’re fine. So long as we call a bootleg on every play. I’ve seen better pass blocking on the intramural fields.

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The Game
Despite being one of the easier games on our schedule, it is very important that we play well. Coming off a big loss to Alabama with Nebraska looming, a strong performance on Saturday will go a long way.

This isn’t to say we should overlook this game. Quite the opposite. We need to win this game by 30 points. If we struggle, we’ll be lucky to get out of September with only two losses.

Of course we want to keep everyone healthy, but I say game plan the shit out of this game… sorry, I said game plan. I forgot that’s not really in our bag of tricks.

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Your Pump Up Song of the Week (other than Metallica)
In honor of the WORLD CHAMPION PITTSBURGH STEELERS playing tonight, we’ll hit you with a little Styx Renegade…

Who wants to powerhour?

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Replacement Offensive Coordinator
Yes, we are no longer just looking for a good luck hero. We need results. And the only way is to replace Voldemort with someone worth a damn.

We figure that the best way to take down Marshall is with a marshal.

Who do we want calling our plays?

Marshal Samuel Gerard

Beamer: I didn’t call for this non-draw play.

Marshal Gerard: I don’t care.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

VT Alumni Tailgate for the Alabama Game

The Atlanta Chapter of the VT Alumni Association has sent us some interesting information. They are hosting a tailgate prior to the beatdown of the Crimson Tide. Check out the website here where you can buy tickets and get all the necessary info.

This little shindig sounds pretty cool. All you Hokie fans down in the Dirty South should get a move on to go to the tailgate. It’ll be just like your tailgate except better and you won’t have to do any of the clean up or setup work. They’ll have hamburgers and hot dogs, corn hole, and other tailgate games. Oh yeah, and they have the brewskis. Plus they even hooked you up with maps of the MARTA system (that’s the Atlanta public transit system for all of you who aren’t in the know) so that you don’t even have to worry about driving to or from the massive win over Alabama. You can celebrate to your hearts content.

Anyways, hit up the website and if you’re in the Atlanta area (read: within 250 miles of Atlanta) on Sept. 5th then you get you sweet ass to the tailgate and root on the boys in maroon (unless of course Alabama is in Maroon and then root on the boys in whatever color we’re wearing). Just remember, you need to get tickets by August 28th (that’s in 4 days) otherwise you may be shit out of luck.

Game 11: Take out all of your frustrations on some trust fund babies.

We are going to go ahead and gloss over that Miami loss. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions, kidnapping plots, etc. can be found in our previous post.

The game was worse than when we forgot how to sit down.

It’s that time of year again kids. The annual drubbing of Duke.

We know that they beat UVA and are better this year than usual. We know we kind of suck and forgot that they allowed forward passes back in the 30’s. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s the Saturday before Thanksgiving break and not everyone will be there. The UVA game next week is also a deterrent. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s our first cold weather game, and we tend to suck in those. Don’t ask us why, but it always seems to go down that way. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is still calling the shots on offense, which means we’re pretty much screwed. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES is interviewing for a much deserved job at Clemson, and the defense may be a little distracted. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.*

*more on this later…

Christ, there are a lot of things going against us….

There is nothing about this game that makes us feel comfortable. We’ve lost to Temple at home before, and another game like that is certainly not out of the question.

Duke is quite the conundrum. With wins over Navy, Virginia, and Vanderbilt, and tough losses to Wake Forest in OT and Northwestern, they have a decent resume (compared to prior seasons, anyways). They also rank 3rd in the ACC for passing, which does not bode well for the Hokies. We rank 10th in the conference for passing defense.

That paragraph was the most statistical research we’ve done for any game ever. Now here’s a file photo of Brady Quinn:

There are no words to describe how awesome it is that this picture exists.

We hate to say it, but if there was a year for an upset to happen, it’s this one.

Which is all the more reason to fill the stadium and get as loud as the Maryland game. Just picture J.J. Redick, WoJo, and the other 500 annoying white basketball players that have gone through that school.

Let the hate flow through you.

Once again, we always have a photo for that extra bit of encouragement.

We actually broke a coffee table when this happened.

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Oh, but how can we have it loud? The Duke game’s always a noon game so… WHAAAAAAAAAAA??? 5:30?!?! Thank the good lord.

It truly is the perfect game time. Plenty of tailgate time. Kickoff will be right at dark. And the game will be over with plenty of time to get downtown and ogle yourself some freshmen before 2 am.

So get ready for a possibly competitive, no doubt frustrating home game against Duke. At the very least, you know the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is more likely to be fired if we suck.

Which we won’t.

GO HOKIES!!!!

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*so about that star…

We have no clue as to what is going on with Bud “The Man” Foster. Our thinking? No one really actually knows, and a lot of hearsay is out there. That said, we’re going to spread some of the hearsay.

Our sources tell us that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES has been lined up as the next head coach here in Hokieland. If this is true, this truly kills two birds with one stone: he’s more likely to stay and the Coach Who Must Not Be Named won’t be getting that job.

Speaking of Voldemort, the fellas over at Fire the Coach Who Must Not Be Named had a great find. From the mouth of straight-up pimp Purnell Sturdivant:

“Pretty much every team we face this year knows what we’re going to do” on offense, Sturdivant said. “I have a couple friends at Carolina, a couple friends at N.C. State, things like that, they’re pretty much just calling out the plays that we’re going to run on offense. Our offense is pretty much predictable. You know what you’re going to see each and every week.” Asked whether he thought Stinespring should go, Sturdivant said: “That’s a hard one.” But he added that he didn’t think the outside criticism was unfair.“Yeah, I can definitely see where they’re coming from,” Sturdivant said of the critics.

AWKWARD…

It’s almost like his hard work all year is being wasted by a terrible coach.

Note: Purnell’s use of the coach’s name is no reflection of the views of The North End Zone.

VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

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You know what time it is.

Once again, the Bull pulls out another prediction win. But with a loss like that, no one cares.

The prize? The Bull is the lucky winner of being able to host your humble editor for a weekend of debauchery in the ‘Burg!!!

File photo

Have fun with that.

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So let’s roll into this week’s picks:

C Gally: 30 – 9 VT, 10 field goals by The Closer.

The Bull: 26 – 6 VT

The Northerner: From the ranting, I was able to gather 28 – 10 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 38 – 6 VT

The DiP: 19 – 10 VT

Meet Bag: 34 – 13 VT

Wright: 27 – 13 VT

Lady Wright: 27 – 7 VT

G Way: 17 – 3 VT

B Dubs: 42 – 38 VT

Poppa Gally: 35 – 6 VT… you guessed it: 3 blocks

And our guest away team prediction comes from one of Meet Bag’s friends. Well, his only friend, really. We have no information other than he went to Duke, so we will assume it is JJ Redick: 27 – 24 Duke.

In a rare doube-up, our friend Fraker’s pop actually taught at Duke. He’s clearly a Hokie though: Poppa Fraker takes the Hokies by 7.

Good luck all.

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Corey Moore didn’t work? Are you serious? I guess nothing can overcome an offense run by Michael Scott.

So where do we go this week? We could go with Deron, as he has always been a Duke killer.

We could go with Coach K, as he has pretty much decimated any chance the football team has of succeeding.

But no, we have to go with a true devil fighter.

You guessed it.

Father Karras from the Exorcist.

He needs to tell our Offensive Coordinator to quit. “The power of Christ compels you!!”

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

Game 5 and 6: Tech beats the big red, faces large red trash can

Did we really win? Did we really roll into an 80,000 seat, with all that history and control the game?

Hell, we can’t believe we actually controlled a game, let alone one against a Nebraska team with everything to prove.

Hey Nebraska… That. Just. Happened.

We won’t delve too much into what that win means or anything, especially since it got almost no coverage on any college football telecast. But suffice it to say that it was satisfying.

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What did we like?

BLITZING!!! Holy pressure Batman, we brought more than four guys in more than a few plays. And guess what happened? Bad throws!! Imagine that! The quarterback wasn’t able to pick our defense apart.

Tyrod is steady. Though he still has a tendency to think “run-first”, at least it’s better than the alternative.

Puke

Another huge performance from The Closer. Picking up the pieces of our can’t-score-from-the-five offense.

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Things we didn’t like?

Holy. Lord. 3rd and goal from the 8. Effing reverse to the weak side?!?!?! ARE YOU *%$#ing KIDDING ME?!?! Seriously, the tv was about to catch the football I was holding. Instead, we decided the best way to deal with still having a retarded monkey call our plays was to drink more.

Prevent defense needs to die. A slow painful death like that guy in Temple of Doom. Anyone else go into a seizure and have visions of the BC game last year? Yeah. Same here. Except this time we recovered the onside kick. So at that point, it was…

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This win means a lot, of course. Historically, it is a solid win over a good program. But the ACC is where we need to get things done. Beating Nebraska does not get us back to a BCS bowl, kids. And despite what a lot of people think, the first step to winning a National Championship is winning a freaking BCS bowl.

Oh yeah, and that thing we said about 2004 and how every game was close and heart wrenching? Yeah. We were right.

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So how do we come down from the high that was the Nebraska game? A game against some big red trash cans.

There is absolutely no way we are scouting these guys. If you are that serious about knowing the Western Kentucky’s players, you aren’t reading this site.

We will win this game because, if we don’t, coaches may be fired. And we all know that doesn’t happen at Virginia Tech. We’re fairly certain that logic is correct.

But it is going to be an awesome time, people. The game is at a nice 1:30. Late enough to enjoy tailgating, but early enough so you won’t get so blacked out you miss the rest of October.

Plus it’s Homecoming. Are we big dorks? Yes, we are. Do we love Homecoming? Yes, we do.

There’s really no reason. We don’t go to the parade or participate in any way other than cheering for whoever is representing our organizations on the court. But for some reason it’s awesome. And we embrace our dork-hood.

So get back home people. Where everyone knows your name.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

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Now, let’s roll out this week’s predictions…

For the second time this season, Maniak has managed to win a solo victory. And second time winners get a Walken trophy.

He. Doesn’t like.. your tone.

So there you go. Enjoy it for all it’s creepiness.

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This week’s predictions (All VT victories, of course. Even B-Dubs!):

*Going to the game. Loves Virginia Tech.
^Not going to the game. Hates Virginia Tech. Loves Rick Astley
***Excused from attending game due to living in Africa.

C Gally*: 28 – 6, Virgil touchdown

B-Dubs^: 37 – 13

Mali Ambassador***: 37 – 6

CMU Football Analyst^: 31 – 13

The Bull*: 31 – 7

Wright^: 30 – 7

Lady Wright^: 44 – 14

Maniak*: 31 – 10

The DiP^: 27 – 10

Poppa Gally*: 35 – 7 (3 blocked kicks, as usual)

The Northerner^: 34 – 13

Yeah, that’s right. Poppa Gally will be there in full-on Hokie style. Needless to say, there will be plenty of hurling some Bumarooski chunks.

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And once again we reached the point where a decision must be made.

Ol’ Bear got the job done hella-well last week, and we like the idea of picking based on the opponent.

And who knows his way around a trash can?

You guessed it.

Oscar the Grouch.

Lead us well, good sir. Lead us well.

GO HOKIES!!!

Hokies v. Kansas… in football

The time has finally come. It’s been 31 long days since the last Hokie game. We tried to get by with basketball, but this year, we’re just… just awful. (National Champions in 2009. Mark it down.) But now it’s almost game time!

This is a short preview, as most of us are rolling down to Miami. Maybe someone too cheap to go down can write up a better funnier longer preview (*cough* dip/steve/tim *cough*). But we should win. And if we play up to our potential, we will win handily. But we’re all Hokies, and we all know how some of these games go. At least it will be fun no matter what.

Enjoy the BCS Bowl birth. They don’t grow on trees, you know. But this is an opportunity. Much like the ACC Championship was a must-win for legitamacy, this is just as big. In 1995, we won the Sugar Bowl. Four years later we played for the National Championship. Coincidence? Doubt it. (Yes, I know Vick was a freshman, but the rest of the team was pretty loaded as well.)

Good teams get to BCS games. Great teams win them.

Tech 33 Kansas 17

LET’S GO HOKIES!!