Archive for the ‘Preakness’ Category

Weekend Recap

May 18, 2009

I’m tired, so this might go fast without too many jokes. So basically nothing will change.

1. The Magic upended the Celts last night to finish off the hopes of a repeat for the boys in green. The Lakers also won over the Rockets to advance to the Western Conference finals. Only roughly 21 more games and the NBA is out of the news for a few weeks. I can’t wait.

2. Rachel Alexandra beat up on the field in the Preakness Saturday, just outlasting the Derby winner, Mine That Bird. Sober people in the infield were unamused.

3. The Yankees have now won three straight games in walk-off fashion. Joe Mauer had a crazy ass play during the game with a diving tag out at home, but the stupid heads from NY still got lucky and came off the field as the winners, thanks to Judas Damon. The Yankees are now only 1.5 games behind the Sox after the Sox drop 2 of 3 in Seattle. This losing shit has got to stop because I will be real pissed if they lose either of the two games I’m going to in Boston this weekend against the Mets. Real pissed.

4. In a weird mix-up in Cleveland, the Rays were forced to let their pitcher hit a la National League. Evan Longoria was supposed to be the DH and Ben Zobrist to be the 3B, but both were listed at 3B thus forcing one of them to sit out. Longoria took the bench spot, and Andy Sonnastine went 1 for 3 with an RBI and strikeout. Suffice it to say, I’m sure Joe Maddon will be checking his line up card twice before he hands it to the ump.

5. Roger Federer beat Rafael Nadal in true upset fashion. It was on clay (breaking Nadal’s 33-match clay winning streak) and it was in Madrid (Nadal’s home country). I don’t know much about tennis, but I pretty sure this is a huge upset. If there is anyone out there who is classy enough to know anything about tennis, give us your take on this. Full disclosure: I’m not expecting any responses.

6. In news that honestly, no one cares about, Michael Phelps pulled his second straight runner-up finish in non-olympic swimming. Two things here. 1. It’s probably not because he smoked pot or got fat or anything during his suspension. It might have something to do with the fact that the London Olympics are 3.5 years away and there’s no drive in him to win right now and 2. There are swimming competitions outside the Olympics and high school/college?! who knew?

Hopefully we can get some stories from CGally’s trip to NYC this weekend. He came up to the WP for lunch, but then disappeared as quickly as he got here. Let’s hear ’em, man whore.

See what happens when you take away our beer?

March 6, 2009

We mentioned before about the wonderful event that is was the Preakness will no longer be a BYOB event. We considered this to be quite the traveshamockery.

But what goes around come around, as the owner of the race track has filed for bankruptcy:

Magna Entertainment Corp, the troubled owner of Maryland’s thoroughbred tracks,filed for bankruptcy protection yesterday and essentially put all of its racetracks up for sale, including Laurel Park and Pimlico Race Course, home of the Preakness Stakes.

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

Granted, we have no idea if these guys made the fatal beer decision, but there is no doubt they were involved.

I’m sure the 75% drop in attendance to this year’s Preakness Stakes will totally help the situation.

A Weekend at the Preakness.

May 21, 2007

Horse racing. The Sport of Kings. Is there anything more preppy on TV than the three Triple Crown races? All you see are people better than you wearing big hats and bow-ties. They cheer on their horse with the fervor of a 90-year-old tennis fan. The flowers trackside are in pristine condition, and it seems as though every grain of sand and dirt is perfectly laid on the track.

But there is an area at the Preakness far away from the prying eyes of ESPN’s viewers. No camera dare enter this forbidden zone, for all hope for humanity would be instantly lost. I speak of the infamous Pimlico Infield.

Some of you may know of the experience, but I suspect most do not. So here we go with a slight narrative.

Coming from DC, we have to wake up at 5 am to drive to Baltimore. I’m all for getting up early to party, but to get up at 5 and drive an hour and half is a little much. So we pack our van with 3 coolers, 5 camp chairs, and head to the event of which none of us have ever been or known someone who’s been.

After signing over my first-born child to park, we make the trek to the gate. The mob of people trying to get in at 7:45 in the morning reminds me of a scene from War of the Worlds. The air-tight security opens the cooler I have, pokes the ice with a stick, and asks if I have any glass. (I will later find out exactly why glass was not allowed.) I say “No” and shuffle on in.

We meet up with guys already set up. We have a nice spot to place bets, a big screen to watch the races, and a medium distance away from the restrooms. By restrooms I mean the 75 porta-pots lined up next to some sort of dirt walkway. (Along the same lines as the glass, this will be important later on.)

After about 10 minutes of having some cold beer and good conversation, a throng of Busch and Natty Light drinkers show up next to us. Not unexpected, but the baby pool they blew up then dumped 15 bags of ice in was. Then, to make the ice slightly more attractive, they put in the 7 case of assorted crappy beer. There are slip n’ slides and ice luges all around, and the middle-aged people that were sitting next to us have long since departed.

After an hour of hanging out, we make our first trek to the restrooms/porta-pots. Not actually too bad considering the circumstances. However, I do notice that the back of the porta-pots are now being used like they are trees in the woods. And there’s a line. I’m going to repeat that: THERE’S A LINE TO PEE ON THE BACK OF THE PORTA-POTS. (This would, unfortunaetly, come in to play later.)

So there’s not too much fanfare around us for the horse-racing. Pretty much just a bunch of people sitting around drinking with nothing to do. So they invent things. And not hackey-sack or playing card things. Here’s where everything comes together.

Suddenly, there’s a roar from the toilet, umm, area. I guess. So we look over, and there is a gentleman (using the term loosely here) on top of the end porta-pot. He stands on top, and begins to sprint down the row. From porta-pot roof to porta-pot roof. I guess his goal is to make it to the end and climb down.

Well, the rest of the crowd is having none of that. Little did the guy know his joyous potty-roof-top-run would turn into a gauntlet. In a scene reminiscent of Platoon, a barrage of full beer cans hurtle towards the “runner”. And not unopened cans. A few people grabbed cans from their coolers, opened them, and chucked them at the guy with all their might. These guys, of course, were behind us (as we were a medium distance from the roof top Thunderdome that was a toilet area). I always imagined that if it were to rain beer, it would be the happiest day of my life. Now, I don’t figure so much.

So as we sit there, watching this guy run across the tops getting pelted by beer cans as the beer rains down upon us, the dude gets straight up nailed in the head. He takes a tumble off the roof, which is a pretty good fall. Remember that dirt road and the back of the porta-pot thing?

Face-plant, into what is now the muddy road.

As I blamed the guy for the puddle of Bud Ice I’m now sitting in, it was a pretty rewarding sight. Almost as rewarding as watching the same thing happen 12 more times that day.

By early afternoon, it started to rain. This is apprently drunk-Frat-guy-with-no-shirt-on code for “Do whatever you want”. I think it was while watching 3 dudes hurl tomatos into a crowd of 50 people that I began to really feel good about myself. Or maybe it was when the guy gently body slammed his girlfriend into the baby pool of Natty.

We got back to the van with our 3 coolers and about 12 newly acquired chairs. The drive home was the best sleep I’d gotten all week, and I was in bed by 9. I saw a replay of the race on Sportscenter.

There were actually horses at this thing?