Archive for the ‘slap-chop’ Category

ShamWow Pitchman gets handcuffs slap-chopped on him

March 30, 2009

According to the SmokingGun.com, Vince Shlomi was arrested last month in Miami after hitting a hooker in the face. Yeah, I don’t know why this is an arrestable offense either, but I guess in Miami it is. Apparently, the hooker, Sasha Harris was paid by Shlomi to have “straight sex” for $1000. How they would have gay sex when they are both of different genders is beyond me, but hey, I don’t know much about the sex-for-sale world.

Anyway, Harris then bit Shlomi’s tongue while they were kissing and wouldn’t let go, thus leading to Shlomi punching Harris several times until she released his tongue.

They both were arrested, but no charges were filed against either of them.

Apparently Shlomi is 44 years old. Maybe it’s the faux-hawk, maybe it’s the highlights, or maybe its the effortless way he makes sundae toppings with the Slap-Chop, I don’t know, but he doesn’t look 44 in the commercials. In his mugshot he does, but not the commercials. I mean I wouldn’t want to buy a ShamWow from an old ass dude, because he wouldn’t identify with me, but they had me believing that Vince Shlomi was around my age, thus leading me to buy 7 slap-chops and 11 sets of ShamWows, and that, my friends, is marketing genius.

Oh yeah, and as a moral aside, it’s not good to hit hookers. Or anyone for that matter. Hookers have feelings, too.

UPDATE: Is it me or does this ShamWow guy look like Moe Szyslak?