Archive for the ‘Michigan Sucks’ Category

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… Michigan

July 24, 2009

Do we, as Hokies, have any right to hate on Michigan? Clearly, that answer is “yes”. So let’s have at the only guys getting paid in the state of Michigan, the Wolverine athletes.

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The Team:
Since no one actually knows any players on Michigan, let’s take on the coach.

As a disclaimer, I’d like to say that I had many interactions with John Beilein when he lived in Morgantown. He was nothing but class on and off the court. There will be no hate on him.

Rich Rod, however… well now, let’s get started, shall we?

When he first arrived in Morgantown, the school hired an image consultant to work on his public persona… In Morgantown West Virginia. He needed to improve his image… in Morgantown West Virginia.

I was actually on the sidelines when he lost to Temple in his first season.

Note to WVU fans, none of your coaches will ever be fired. Have fun with Bill “8-4” Stewart.

Note to Michigan fans, Rich’s first season does not necessarily determine how well he’ll do in the future. Too bad you guys are so short sighted that he’ll be ousted after this season. Lloyd Carr won you a National Championship for Christ’s sake! He gets to coach as long as he wants!

Then there’s the whole App State business… we don’t even know what to say. More on this a little later.
Finally, A. Young dropped in with a gem about the team:

“Their stupid helmets. ‘Oh but it’s unique.’ Shut up and put your logo on it or something. Ya douches.”

Truer words have never been spoken.
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The Town/State:
Ok, let’s see how many state of Michigan jokes we can rock out in 5 seconds:

  • Their QBs transfer out of state faster than their manufacturing jobs.
  • The team’s ranking has dropped like GM stock.
  • Ford has a better recovery plan than Rich Rodriguez.
  • This year’s team will showcase less talent than 8 Mile.
  • It’s f*cking cold.

Wow, 5 jokes in 5 seconds. Were they perfect? No. Were they funny? No.

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Fans:
You lost to a D-IAA school… at home. Infact, the Wolverines are 7-8 at home over the past 2 years. Just because the stadium is big does not make it awesome. Or even good. You have to actually cheer to make it a difficult place to play.

Lane stadium is consistently noted as one of the most intimidating atmospheres in college football. Total seating: 66,233. No, we can’t fill a 100,000 seat stadium because we don’t let 25,000 kids in a year. But stand up and clap once in a while. Maybe even a “Wooo”.

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Other:
Just know that every time you lose, the entire country is laughing at you.