Archive for the ‘Valentine's Day’ Category

Bad Ideas for Valentine’s Day Gifts

February 13, 2009

Gentlemen (and some ladies), Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and if you haven’t gotten your sweetheart presents yet, I’m here to help. While these gifts may seem a great idea to you, they are not generally accepted by the female sex as appropriate on such a special (read: fake) holiday.

1. Exercise Equipment.

Girls don’t take it as constructive criticism when you basically say they are a fat fat fatty. This also goes for anything related to exercise or losing weight. Gym memberships, diet pills, personal trainers, liposuction, or clothes a few sizes too small are also in this realm of bad exercise-related gifts. If you like your penis where it currently is (attached to your body) avoid any and all of these “gifts”.

2. Ant Farms.

They don’t think these are interesting. I don’t know why, but they just don’t. Probably has something to do with their hormones.

3. Mood Pills.

Your girl is constantly in a bad mood and it makes both of you unhappy. Mood pills lift her out of her bad mood thereby making both of you happier, and able to enjoy each other’s company. Right? Wrong. Girls love being in a bad mood. They’ve even devoted a whole 12 weeks a year to just being bitchy, annoying, and just a joy to be around. Even if you get them the pills, they won’t take them. Just to spite you.

4. Ninja claws.

These are a tough one. Your girl may really want them, but it is socially unacceptable for them to show their desire for them. Therefore, she will give you a snide comment, act like a jerk, and hide them in her closet, only to put it on when you’re not around. You’ll want to use them, but she will hide them real well and you’ll never be able to find them, just making you want them more. Best bet here is to just not get them for her and avoid any confusion or inevitable hurt feelings (on your side).

5. Dog Poo “I heart you”.

As nice as it is to say “I Love You”, dog poo is just not the right medium. You’re better than this.