Archive for the ‘ESPN’ Category

Why wait til Selection Sunday?

August 11, 2009

ESPN has outdone themselves once again. They have traveled in time and have brought us back the results of Selection Sunday. If you thought we might be able to make a run for the National Title, I’m sorry, but you were wrong. We only are going to win the ACC Championship and get a berth to the Orange Bowl… again. I thought we really had a chance this year, but I guess I was wrong. Congrats to Florida and Texas though, they really earned it this year and these two will be battling for the BCS Championship. Tough luck Boise State. You went undefeated again and garned a Fiesta Bowl berth, but the friggin’ BCS computers just hate you for some reason.

I really don’t understand who Mark Schlabach and Bruce Feldman think they are, but to have the gall to predict the bowl games already? Come on. Are you really hurting for articles that badly? I mean we are only less than a month away from the start of the season and you’re pulling this shit? They’re not even good predictions! I mean if you’re going to write this up purely as a means for conversation and controversy, then at least make it interesting. Here’s a good one: UConn shocks the world and gets into the Sugar Bowl. Or UNC takes the title from the Hokies and goes to the Orange Bowl. Or Penn State versus Boise State in the National Championship. Your predictions do nothing of value at this point in the season so why not have fun with it? Someone call ESPN and tell them they need me to rough up their columnists. They’re phoning these articles in lately.

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Is ESPN stealing our ideas?

August 6, 2009

Found this when I opened up ESPN a few minutes ago:
What kind of shit are they pulling up there in Bristol? Don’t they realize that HateFest is a trademarked name? Apparently they have made four new conferences out of the entire NCAA Div 1-A and put us in the Knute Rockne Conference. At least they had the balls to say this about us:

Knute Rockne Conference teams will play in the country’s three largest on-campus football stadiums: Penn State’s Beaver Stadium (capacity 107,282), Michigan Stadium (106,201) and Ohio Stadium (102,329).

Virginia Tech’s Lane Stadium is much smaller (66,233) but no less intimidating. Knute Rockne Conference opponents, be forewarned: You’ll be required to play a Thursday night game in Blacksburg, Va., at least once.

See NBC Sports? This is how you pay your respects to us. Either that or baby goats. Your choice.

B-A-D-A-S-S-E-S

June 11, 2009

In a somewhat shocking change of pace:

Most Difficult Schedules

1. Virginia Tech Hokies
The Hokies might be a dark-horse candidate to win the BCS National Championship — if they can win their very difficult Sept. 5 opener against Alabama in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome. Virginia Tech is one of 16 teams out of the 66 BCS automatic qualifiers that won’t play a Football Championship Subdivision opponent this season. The Hokies shouldn’t have much trouble against Marshall at Lane Stadium on Sept. 12, but Nebraska’s Sept. 19 trip to Blacksburg, Va., will be one of the most anticipated games of the season. And the Hokies can’t look past a road trip to East Carolina on Nov. 5, which comes in the middle of ACC.

That’s right, ESPN ranked us numero uno as the team with the hardest schedule this year in college football. Now it’s all starting to make sense. If we have the hardest schedule (check) and we end up winning all the games on that schedule (fingers crossed check) then there is no way that we shouldn’t go to the BCSCG, thus justifying our preseason #5 ranking. Now whether this will all happen is still very up in the air, it seems like we are starting to get a little more credit for our play. Not that we exactly deserve all of it, but it’s nice anyhow.

So, there is your Hokie football update for the month. Now back to our posts about random-ass sports and non-sports related stories.

Emitt Smith axed by ESPN

February 24, 2009

For reasons unknown to me, Emmitt Smith has been fired from ESPN. This tragedy comes as a shock to myself and countless other linguists who thrived on Emmitt’s masterful usage of the English language. Like no other before him, and most likely no other after, Emmitt danced a beautiful ballet of words and grammar that enlightened the mind and inspired the uninspired.

What I don’t get is why do TV channels insist on having essentially illiterate and unintelligent former players as analysts. Just because they played the game better than many other before them does not mean that they can also master the art of speaking about their craft in front of millions of people. He should have gotten fired after the first friggin’ game he did because he was unintelligible and just embarrassing to watch. I mean come on:

I know five year olds who think they are a cat, literally think they are of the feline species, that speak exceedingly better than this guy. You can’t put that crap on TV and think that it’s going to work well. I mean the ESPN execs had to have interviewed him or at least had lunch with him before they put his ass on the screen, right? I mean he “corrected” himself from the right term to the wrong term. It’s like his brain was saying “This is the correct thing to say, say it” and he gave his own brain a big “F you, I’m going with my gut”.

Now I hear that they might replace him with Brett Favre. Whoopee. This should be fun. Because America isn’t sick of him as it is.