Archive for the ‘WVU Sucks’ Category

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… WVU

August 7, 2009

This is a post that has been in the works for a long time. If it wasn’t made clear before, your humble editor hails from Hokie-hater central: Morgantown, West Virginia.

With a Hokie family, I grew up as a fan of a team not located in Morgantown. This basically turned me into the devil. And when people found out the team I supported was Virginia Tech, they actually thought I needed an exorcism.

There are so many reasons for all of us to hate on WVU. That loss in 2002 was probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. (Nothing like getting back to the dorm to find 35 instant messages on the computer.)

So let’s fire this thing up, burn some bridges, lose some friends, and get it started.

The Town
It’s hard for me to bash the town. It is the hometown, and there’s always a sentiment there. On top of that, it is a lot like Blacksburg. It’s pretty much a normal college town with downtown bars and frat houses.

However, there is the issue that the town is pretty much on top of the campus. Hell, they had to design a people mover system to get students between two campuses divided by the actual town.

And WVU students are more experienced in hills than a 22 year old gay guy. I don’t understand how there could be any overweight people at that school. Getting to classes is like climbing the Andes. I guess drinking 16 gallons of beer every week could add on a few pounds, though.

That’s all I have for the town. I know there is plenty more, but I can’t bring myself to truly rip on it. Feel free to have at it in the comments.

The Team
It may be my favorite thing in the world when a WVU fan brings up the Vicks. Adam “Pacman” Jones was on house arrest during the season! He was allowed to go to class (HA!), practice, and games. Chris Henry is keeping a scrapbook of mugshots.

At least everyone found out what a douche Rich Rod really is. Though, Bill Stewart is likely to redefine the word “mediocre” in the coming years.

WVU is the winningist football program in Division I-A to have never won a National Championship. They played for one a few years ago but… oh wait, they lost to 4-7 Pitt with the Championship Game on the line? At home? BWAHAHAHA.

Seriously, that was the best day of all time. Tech had just locked up the Orange Bowl that afternoon, and WVU had possibly the biggest choke in the history of college football. If you didn’t know why college football is awesome after that day, we feel bad for you.


The Students
Heeeeeeeeeeere we go! This is a little more like it.

Oh, to be a WVU student. One must grasp a certain level of intelligence to even be considered entry into the school. Color inside the lines? You’re in. Complete an easy Sudoku? Full ride!

And this isn’t just one of our bad school jokes. We actually have numbers this time!

According to a 2006 article in USAToday, WVU had an acceptance rate of 92.4%. Out of the 857 school listed, only 31 had a higher rate.

What about the 768 kids (out of 10,049 applicants) that were rejected that year? Luckily, we hear they are straight-A students at West Virginia State, which had the highest acceptance rate at 100%.

And my God, the school is infested with Jersey kids. They’re everywhere! I guess when you’re accepting 92% of applicants, there’s gotta be some sort of hair gel quota that needs to be reached.

The students do party. Well, not so much “party” as “drink a fifth of Jack at 7 pm before going to a party and passing out in the yard at 10”. I visited a lot of my freshmen friends the year WVU was ranked as the #1 party school in the country. The article was the equivalent of that one Bob Marley poster. It was pretty much required to be posted on the dorm room wall at all times.


The Fans and Alumni
Oh man, this section should probably have its own post. But I’ll try to keep it short.

Mountaineer fans are consistently ranked in the top 5 of worst college football fans. There’s always a fight between them, Terps fans, and Florida State supporters. What great company to have.

That’s not to say they don’t support their team. They’re just unusually douchey about it.

There aren’t many places the Hokies travel to where fans don’t show their orange and maroon until they get to their seats. But Morgantown is one of them. And how can you blame us? I’ve seen away fans have beer poured on them outside the stadium, be pissed on inside the bathroom, and cursed at by 5 year olds. It’s not a fun experience. And on top of that, the fans leave early if the team is losing (see: Louisville game, 2005).

This is also a fan base that hung Bobby Bowden in effigy and drove him out of town in 1975. Yeah, THAT Bobby Bowden. How’d that work out for you guys, by the way?

There are a few notable alumni: Don Knotts, Billy Mays, Tommy and Terry Bowden, and Jeff Hostetler. Notice the lack of non-sports related achievements. Billy Mays, really? How could you not have that fact shouted from the rooftops?

Also, the entire city of Morgantown is WVU alumni. People don’t leave. It’s like Pleasantville, with more couch fires.

I think that pretty much covers it without writing an even longer novel. I’d recommend never visiting Morgantown. You probably don’t want to be there, and they certainly don’t want you there.