Archive for the ‘Florida State’ Category

HateFest 2009: Why we hate…FSU

August 28, 2009

Besides the fact that Tallahassee is friggin’ annoying to spell, there are plenty of other reasons why we hate FSU.

The Town

I’ve never been to Tallahassee. I don’t really want to go to Tallahassee. I have a cousin who went to FSU and I don’t really think she liked the town very much. It’s the capital of Florida so it’s got to be a big-ish city. And the fact that it’s the capital of Florida means that it MUST be a bellwether of the state (obvs). Therefore Tallahassee is made up of teacher sex scandaled, brain fried, old white trash. Really makes me want to go there.

The School

FSU really isn’t well known as a good academic school. I hear it’s good for nursing. That’s about it.

The Team

The team used to be real good. Like really good. Not so much anymore. They were the force of the ACC and teams trembled at their feet. Bobby Bowden could make women half his age swoon with dirty thoughts. And Chris Weinke! Damn, he could turn a straight man gay and be one helluva back up in the NFL.

Though things have changed for the Seminoles. They are more commonly referred to as the Criminoles. They haven’t really won any big games for a few years now, and they are getting dominated in the ACC by the new powerhouse team from Blacksburg. They may have won the National Championship twice, 1993 and 1999 (eat shit and die) but they are last century’s team. They haven’t done much since 2000 (save the 2005 ACC CG. Dicks) except have several players arrested and this. Let’s hope they take music history a little more seriously next time.

The Fans/Alumni

The fans aren’t terrible. I mean they’re not great, but when you really don’t have much to work with upstairs, then you tend to be a little more amicable outside of your college football mob mentality arena. Nice people at FSU, but let’s just say they couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.


The tomahawk chop. It’s on par with the USC fight song. You don’t need to do it after every fucking play. Show some self-control. Damn.

The easiest way to piss off a FSU fan is mutter the words “wide right”. It gets them going all the time. Just do it in casual conversation. It’s great. “Boy Tom, that lady’s ass is pretty wide, right?” “Dave, go down the hill and then make a wide right turn” “Hey Megan… WIDE RIGHT”. Works every time.

I heard Chief Osceola once was busted for bootlegging firewater. True story.

And Jen Sturger isn’t that hot.

Bowden has deja vu; Taylor the man

November 12, 2007

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane to the year 2000 where Virginia Tech is taking on the almighty Florida State. Even though the Hokies lost that game, Bobby Bowden was introduced to an amazing athlete named Michael Vick (yes, the name is repulsive right now, but he really was talented) who accumulated 322 yards of total offense and 2 touchdowns.

Fast forward seven years and another match up between the two teams. This time, Big Poppa Bowden is introduced to another Hampton athlete: Tyrod Taylor. He’s experiencing deja vu all over again, except the ‘Noles lost this one 40-21. This time, the star QB put up 296 yards of total offense and 3 touchdowns.

How’s that for classic irony? Bowden must have been living a nightmare in that football game because there was nothing he could do but watch.

Mr. Taylor is quite amazing. He put this team on his shoulders and got the W. Need proof? It’s the 4th quarter when the Hokies have a 3rd and goal at the 3 and Taylor looks to the coaches, pointed to his chest and said “I got it, let me take care of it!” Sure enough, on the very next play, Taylor scampered into the end zone for six (

What’s the point of all this? It’s because the kid has “IT” – not bad for an 18 year old freshman, huh? He dominated an extremely fast and talented defense and didn’t melt after he was picked off for a TD. In fact, he got BETTER. That takes guts and like it was just said, he is only a freshman!

The Hokies have their QB and shouldn’t even consider a two QB system. However, we aren’t the coaches, and most likely we will still have that system; how long, however, is another question. Regardless, Taylor is obviously for real and by the time he leaves Virginia Tech, he may be better than MV1.