Archive for the ‘Snakes on a Plane’ Category

The NEZ is your source for all snakes-on-a-plane related news

April 17, 2009


As you surely know by now, if there is a story out there about snakes running (slithering?) wild on a plane, we are going to bring it to you.

Out of Australia:

In scenes reminiscent of the 2006 hit movie Snakes On a Plane, starring Samuel L Jackson, staff spent hours searching a Boeing 737 after four baby pythons escaped from a container in the cargo hold of a flight.

Twelve non-venemous Stimson pythons were being taken from Alice Springs to Melbourne in the plane’s cargo area, in a bag inside a plastic foam box with air holes. When the flight landed, it was discovered that four snakes had escaped from the package. When staff were unable to locate the escapees, the aircraft was grounded.

But fear not. The plane was fumigated and is back in the air today. And as the Quantas Corporate Manager says, “If these snakes turn up, they will very much be dead snakes.”

Thus setting up the sequel, Ghost Snakes on a Plane.

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Game 11: Take out all of your frustrations on some trust fund babies.

November 20, 2008
We are going to go ahead and gloss over that Miami loss. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions, kidnapping plots, etc. can be found in our previous post.

The game was worse than when we forgot how to sit down.

It’s that time of year again kids. The annual drubbing of Duke.

We know that they beat UVA and are better this year than usual. We know we kind of suck and forgot that they allowed forward passes back in the 30’s. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s the Saturday before Thanksgiving break and not everyone will be there. The UVA game next week is also a deterrent. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s our first cold weather game, and we tend to suck in those. Don’t ask us why, but it always seems to go down that way. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is still calling the shots on offense, which means we’re pretty much screwed. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES is interviewing for a much deserved job at Clemson, and the defense may be a little distracted. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.*

*more on this later…

Christ, there are a lot of things going against us….

There is nothing about this game that makes us feel comfortable. We’ve lost to Temple at home before, and another game like that is certainly not out of the question.

Duke is quite the conundrum. With wins over Navy, Virginia, and Vanderbilt, and tough losses to Wake Forest in OT and Northwestern, they have a decent resume (compared to prior seasons, anyways). They also rank 3rd in the ACC for passing, which does not bode well for the Hokies. We rank 10th in the conference for passing defense.

That paragraph was the most statistical research we’ve done for any game ever. Now here’s a file photo of Brady Quinn:

There are no words to describe how awesome it is that this picture exists.

We hate to say it, but if there was a year for an upset to happen, it’s this one.

Which is all the more reason to fill the stadium and get as loud as the Maryland game. Just picture J.J. Redick, WoJo, and the other 500 annoying white basketball players that have gone through that school.

Let the hate flow through you.

Once again, we always have a photo for that extra bit of encouragement.

We actually broke a coffee table when this happened.

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Oh, but how can we have it loud? The Duke game’s always a noon game so… WHAAAAAAAAAAA??? 5:30?!?! Thank the good lord.

It truly is the perfect game time. Plenty of tailgate time. Kickoff will be right at dark. And the game will be over with plenty of time to get downtown and ogle yourself some freshmen before 2 am.

So get ready for a possibly competitive, no doubt frustrating home game against Duke. At the very least, you know the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is more likely to be fired if we suck.

Which we won’t.

GO HOKIES!!!!

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*so about that star…

We have no clue as to what is going on with Bud “The Man” Foster. Our thinking? No one really actually knows, and a lot of hearsay is out there. That said, we’re going to spread some of the hearsay.

Our sources tell us that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES has been lined up as the next head coach here in Hokieland. If this is true, this truly kills two birds with one stone: he’s more likely to stay and the Coach Who Must Not Be Named won’t be getting that job.

Speaking of Voldemort, the fellas over at Fire the Coach Who Must Not Be Named had a great find. From the mouth of straight-up pimp Purnell Sturdivant:

“Pretty much every team we face this year knows what we’re going to do” on offense, Sturdivant said. “I have a couple friends at Carolina, a couple friends at N.C. State, things like that, they’re pretty much just calling out the plays that we’re going to run on offense. Our offense is pretty much predictable. You know what you’re going to see each and every week.” Asked whether he thought Stinespring should go, Sturdivant said: “That’s a hard one.” But he added that he didn’t think the outside criticism was unfair.“Yeah, I can definitely see where they’re coming from,” Sturdivant said of the critics.

AWKWARD…

It’s almost like his hard work all year is being wasted by a terrible coach.

Note: Purnell’s use of the coach’s name is no reflection of the views of The North End Zone.

VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

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You know what time it is.

Once again, the Bull pulls out another prediction win. But with a loss like that, no one cares.

The prize? The Bull is the lucky winner of being able to host your humble editor for a weekend of debauchery in the ‘Burg!!!

File photo

Have fun with that.

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So let’s roll into this week’s picks:

C Gally: 30 – 9 VT, 10 field goals by The Closer.

The Bull: 26 – 6 VT

The Northerner: From the ranting, I was able to gather 28 – 10 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 38 – 6 VT

The DiP: 19 – 10 VT

Meet Bag: 34 – 13 VT

Wright: 27 – 13 VT

Lady Wright: 27 – 7 VT

G Way: 17 – 3 VT

B Dubs: 42 – 38 VT

Poppa Gally: 35 – 6 VT… you guessed it: 3 blocks

And our guest away team prediction comes from one of Meet Bag’s friends. Well, his only friend, really. We have no information other than he went to Duke, so we will assume it is JJ Redick: 27 – 24 Duke.

In a rare doube-up, our friend Fraker’s pop actually taught at Duke. He’s clearly a Hokie though: Poppa Fraker takes the Hokies by 7.

Good luck all.

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Corey Moore didn’t work? Are you serious? I guess nothing can overcome an offense run by Michael Scott.

So where do we go this week? We could go with Deron, as he has always been a Duke killer.

We could go with Coach K, as he has pretty much decimated any chance the football team has of succeeding.

But no, we have to go with a true devil fighter.

You guessed it.

Father Karras from the Exorcist.

He needs to tell our Offensive Coordinator to quit. “The power of Christ compels you!!”

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

Luckily, no snakes were injured.

May 24, 2007

Kids, don’t let those pesky teachers tell you that movies can’t teach you anything. Why, we’ve learned that dogs can play basketball, travelling back in time can make yourself disappear, and looking at the Ark of the Covenant melts you.

Egytians have also learned a valuable lesson from movies: DON’T BRING MOTHER F’IN SNAKES ON A MOTHER F’IN PLANE!!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,275182,00.html

CAIRO, Egypt — Customs officers at Cairo’s airport on Thursday
detained a man bound for Saudi Arabia who was trying to smuggle 700 live snakes on a plane, airport authorities said. The officers were stunned when a passenger, identified as Yahia Rahim Tulba, after being asked to open his carry-on bag, told them it contained live snakes.

That’s right. A man in Cairo tried to smuggle 700 snakes onto an airplane bound for Saudi Arabia. Thankfully, Samuel L. Jackson was working security that day, and he’s dealt with these snakes-on-a-plane type people before.

And the dude had them in his carry-on luggage! Did he really think the x-ray people would just think he had a bag full of moving jump-ropes?

The only thing that makes sense about this story is that it is awesome.