Archive for the ‘UNC sucks’ Category

HateFest 2009: Why we hate… UNC

August 18, 2009

We continue ACC Costal week with UNC. And no we didn’t forget, we just… kept putting it off. And then maybe forgot.

The Team:

There is really only main reason to hate the UNC football team: the Hokies only get to play them once a year. Imagine the win total they could have if they played UNC and Duke twice a year. WOW. The Hokies have won the last 5 against UNC, all coming since entering the ACC.

I was going to mention their unusually good receivers that they have year in and year out. However, it seems the Hokies get great receiving talent too (when they turn pro). Both teams suffer from a lack of ability to get the receivers the ball.

The Town:

The town is a lot like Blacksburg because the university is the main draw for Chapel Hill. But, the university is pretty much the UVA of North Carolina and we all know that UVA SUCKS.

The Students and Fans:

First, I would like to say I don’t hate the UNC fans as much as the Duke fans. Nevertheless, they seem arrogant, stuck up, and entitled. They feel that they are owed championships because they follow UNC. Much of the UNC fans most likely never attended UNC and are just bandwagon jumpers that enjoy baby blue. This is seen more often in basketball then football.

Secondly, the mascot Rameses (the ram) came to be because of a kicker. Who wants to be affiliated with a kicker at all (and yes I know I have a David Akers Jersey … Shut it)?


We will digress to basketball for a minute here. Can anyone be more of a tool bag than Tyler Hansbrough? With his always going to the line and game winning turn around jump shoots. Who does he think he is with the turn around, fade away, baseline jumpers, Cheick Diakite? And his eyes, is he always scared of something. Like a deer in the headlights. I think he’s scared of getting the balling in the paint and not hearing a whistle. I am happy that he will be wearing a Pacer jersey next season.

Hatefest 2009

July 7, 2009

Many philosophers have attempted to explain the human race’s love affair with sports. Is it the competition? The team atmosphere? The feeling of community?

But alas, the answer is simple: HATE.

There is nothing better than that feeling of completely and utterly crushing your opponent into the mud… except when that opponent happens to be a hated rival.

As put best by Will Blythe (author of a Duke-UNC rivalry book), “To hate like this is to be happy forever.”

We all hate. We hate so many teams (our list came out to 23) for so many different reasons. Some are obvious (UVA). Some a little more nuanced (JMU). Some are because of the fans (WVU, Maryland, Pitt…trails off). Some are because of the uppity-ness of the school (Duke). Some are because of their success (USC). Hell, some are because of the band (JMU, again). And some are because of the “memories” they left us with (Radford).

But whatever the reason, the hate feels good. And in the doldrums of summer, we see no reason not to indulge ourselves in a little 8-week hate fest.

Yes, we only have 8 weeks to go (give or take a few days) until kickoff. Each week we will present you with a new category and group of schools:

Week 1: Mid-Majors or Less
Yes, we can hate on the little guys: ECU, Temple, JMU

Week 2: Big Names We Never Play
Some because of jealousy; some are because Charlie Weis is fat: Ohio State, Michigan, Notre Dame

Week 3: Big Names We’ve Sometimes Played
Lately, the results have not been pretty: USC, Auburn, LSU

Week 4: Big East Teams
The only way we could hate them more is if we had alimony payments: WVU, Pitt, Syracuse

Week 5: ACC Coastal
One day, we’ll think about letting them win an ACC title: UNC, Georgia Tech, Duke

Week 6: ACC Atlantic
One day, we’ll think about letting them win an ACC title: BC, Maryland, NC State, Clemson

Week 7: Teams from America’s Wang
We hated these teams long before a few were in our conference: Miami, Florida, Florida State

Week 8: UVA


But we can’t do this alone. Please feel free to email us any stories you may have that have led to your bitter hatred of any team.

Don’t worry if your hated school isn’t on the list. Did a girlfriend leave you for a douche from Colorado? We want it. Are you our Carnegie Mellon Super Scientific Football Analyst and hate Greensburg Technical School for the Blind? Send in your seething description of why. Heck, if you really really hate Syracuse, we’ll let you guest blog.

So get your entries in. Hatefest 2009 starts on Monday.

Note the tags on this post. All but “Hatefest 2009” has been used at some point in our humble site’s young career.

You’ve got to be kidding.

March 14, 2009

It’s like when a girl asks you to open a jar and you struggle and grunt and huff and puff but can’t open it only to hand it back to her and she pops the top right off. Well, we loosened this up for you FSU. We expect a thank you note soon. Dicks.

UNC cheated

March 13, 2009

So this picture was taken with 5.2 seconds left in the game, when we were down by only 1 and then Tyler Hansbrough was credited with this “steal”. We then fouled him, made him take two, he took them, and we lose by three.

Again, I don’t know much about basketball and I don’t like it particularly because I feel that everything is a foul and that’s a pansy way to play a sport. But given that those are the rules, HOW IS THIS NOT A FOUL?!?! We may have then scored a basket and won this damn thing, but no, that would take the ACC Championship away from Hansbrough who has worked so hard to get to this point. I’m calling shenanigans. This chance was stolen from us. Real stolen, not commit a foul and call it a steal stolen.

ACC Tournament: Quarterfinals

March 13, 2009
Miami game recap:

UNC game preview:

You have to believe.

Game #29: Trust Funds (B)

March 4, 2009
We don’t even know where we stand any more. We feel like we’re halfway through our first viewing of Snatch. We’ve stopped trying to figure things out and are just hanging on for the ride.

Does beating UNC alone get us in? Would beating FSU get us in? FSU and one in the ACC tourney? No one knows.

ESPN still has us in right now, which is ridiculous. Maryland has every edge over us, and they are listed as the next four out. Take anything you hear with a grain of salt. Especially if it’s from us.

So here we are against North Carolina. We need the win badly, but we’ve heard a rumor that the Tar Heels are fairly good at basketball. The game is at Cassell, where ranked teams go to… win by a few points.

Sorry, that was a bit of a downer. Let’s concentrate on the opportunity in front of us. National TV against a 2nd ranked team that no one likes. (They may not be as hated as Duke, but people still enjoy seeing them lose.) They also have one of the most hated / annoying players in the league in Tyler Hanborough.

Nice Tommy Callahan rugby shirt, douche.


A win here would be huge.

And to pull off a huge win, we need a huge hero. Tenacious D couldn’t get it done. Not really their fault, though. The refs eff’d us gently.

We can’t get cute this time. We have to bring it hard.

In Sig we trust.

GO HOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Game 4 and 5: UNC Recap, Corn F’ers Preview and Predictions

September 25, 2008
Since the roommate had to be a jerk and go get Rock Band 2 this week, The North End Zone offices have been a little neglected. Sick days increased 400% over the past 3 days. (Seriously, the game is freaking awesome. Last night we played Journey. When was the last time Zelda gave you that privilege?)

“Anyway You Want It” not included.

So this week, in one post, you get an amalgamation of a recap, a preview, and predictions all together. A Repreviction, if you will.


So UNC, eh? This is the year? Yeah, we’ve got your year right here, you baby-blue-wearing-trust-fund-baby pansies.

This will never, ever stop being funny.

Don’t worry, basketball season is coming. Then your disappointment won’t come until the end of the year.

So question: will Butch Davis be wearing his old Miami garb when the Canes and Hokies play for the Coastal Championship?

Jokes not needed.


Ok, enough with that. Almost like kicking puppies at this point.

So Tech fans. Remember 2004, when almost all of our games were close and the year was super-stressful? Well strap in kids. You may want to invest in some sort of punching bag or stress ball. Or do what we do and drink the stress away. It worked for undergrad.

We are not a good football team. But, just like in 2004, we found ways to win. 4 penalties for 21 yards and +2 in turnovers. 21 yards in penalties?!?! Who does that?

Winners. That’s who.

But make no mistake, we got bailed out this game. With the 4th quarter fumble and stupid late-hit penalty, UNC was begging us to take their pride.


Is it dorky to say that we’re riding the Coale Train? Yes? Ok, well screw it. We’re saying it anyways. He’s probably a lot better than we think and will most likely be starting in the NFL in 2011. He’ll probably score more touchdowns by week 4 than his entire time at Tech.

Hate you so much Stinespring.

And who came through AGAIN? That’s right: The Closer.

We watch TNT enough to know it stars a chick. But hey, she gets shit done.

Without any research or substantiation, we’re pretty sure Keys has more game-winning kicks that Brandon Pace.

On a final note, giving up 300 yards of offense to UNC is NEVER acceptable. We wish we knew where to start with fixing our defense, but we’re pretty sure the solution would be to forge some documents so we can get last year’s squad back.


On to this week’s game.

What a huge game this would be… had we played a few years ago. But now? Well, most of the country will be watching Illinois/Penn State instead. Though, it can be argued that either game will be excruciatingly boring.

Everything about this game points to advantage Huskers. Night game at their place. Two tough games for the Hokies the past 2 weekends. Hell, they even had a bye last week. Though, to be fair, they’ve pretty much had byes since the season started. Look at this pan of fluff games served up to them for the first three games

  • Western Michigan
  • San Jose State
  • New Mexico State

San Jose isn’t even a state!! What is with Midwestern Big 12 schools and playing creampuffs?

Note: not a photoshop.


With a schedule like that, you can’t tell much about a team, so we’ll rattle off some stats that will make us look like we did something.

Quarterback Joe Ganz currently has a completion rate of 64%. That number will most likely rise on Saturday unless we get some freaking pressure.

The Huskers have two tailbacks in Lucky and Helu averaging 5.0 and 6.2 yards per carry. There’s a good many jokes we can make about a guy named “Lucky”, but they aren’t funny.

Their defense has played games against Western Michigan, San Jose State, and New Mexico State. We don’t want your stats.


So take what you will from that.

Tech enters their second road game as underdogs. Seemed to work in our favor before, so have at it. This time it’s 7 points, which means we’ll win by 7 of course.

Everything said, this game may or may not be the toughest game we play all year. Think Texas A&M in 2002. This game means a lot.

Despite our awesome comeback last game, we all know that’s not exactly a Beamer specialty. We need to keep this game low scoring and slow.

A huge stage and huge opportunity. If you’re of the type that doesn’t think we should play these games, get out now. This is why college football kicks ass.


Programming note: hero after predictions.


On to this week’s predictions.

For the first time in the history of the world, we have a four-way tie for first place from last week’s prediction.

Your winners are the CMU Football Analyst, The Bull, The Northerner and Meet Bag.

What’s the only trophy that can be split 4 ways?

Congratulations guys. You can mail it around to each other. Just make sure the UCONN football team gets it back.


This week’s predictions:

C Gally: 16 – 13 VT, The Closer wins it again.

Judas B-Dubs: 17 – 7 Nebraska

Maniak: 24 – 21 VT

The DiP: 24 – 17 Nebraska, Glennon winds up leading us to failure

The Bull: 27 – 14 VT

Carnegie Mellon’s Super-Scientific Football Analyst: 20 – 17 Nebraska

Meet Bag: 20 – 17 VT (3rd week in a row for that score if he hits it)

Lady Wright: 17 – 14 VT

The Northerner: 19 – 17 VT

Our African Ambassador in Mali: 17 – 14 VT

Papa Gally: 17 – 14 VT, 3 blocked kicks (YOU’VE GOTTA BELIEVE!)


So there you have it kids. Once again, we have quite a few non-believers here. Jim Jones would not be happy.


So here’s the situation:

We are in uncharted territory.
It is a harsh, unforgiving environment.
With no luxuries, all we can do is survive and try to get out with a win.

Who do we turn to?

You guessed it:

Bear Grylls

See? We are a sports blog for the ladies, sometimes.

We know that this is another Discovery Channel hero, but we can’t help it if they have the most badasses in television.

We’re still trying to figure out how to justify using these guys:

Could be tough…