Archive for the ‘Fire Bryan Stinespring’ Category

Last formal weekend recap

September 8, 2009

I don’t think I will be doing anymore formal weekend recaps because they take way too much time. So I think from now on I will just throw out my thoughts on what happened over the weekend and you’ll be happy to get it.

I won’t delve into that debacle that was our game against Alabama, because I’m sure we will have a post devoted entirely to that subject in the coming hours or days. I do want to say this though, I was impressed. Same amount of impressed I was last year and the year before that. As Gobbler Country so truthfully puts it, we are, in fact the same team we were last year. And the year before that. The announcers before the game were commenting on how predictable our offense was. Exhibit A of why we need a new offensive coordinator.

Some other stuff happened that I’m sure you already know about: Oregon’s punch-drunk player got suspended the whole season, but of course, not the pussy who was flopping in his face like a goldfish about two seconds before he took it on the chin. Figures. The Sooners lost Bradford for a few weeks which means their championship run is over. This crazy 17 year old chick is blowing through the competition at the US Open. Good for her. And the pirates lost. More on that in a different post.

But back to what we care about, we move onto Marshall next week and we better bring the pain in order to get our spirits up. Nothing is as crushing as leading a game into the fourth quarter and then shitting the bed. But we know that feeling all too well by now. So let’s just move on and accept that we aren’t winning a National Championship with the coaching staff in its present form and just be happy with 10 win seasons and trips to the Orange Bowl. Apparently playing Big East teams in a bowl game is our peak. Ugh.

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… Georgia Tech

August 19, 2009


It’s difficult for me to come up with too many reasons as to why we hate Georgia Tech. They aren’t that good, their fans aren’t complete douche turds, and the school is similar to ours. But seeing how they are quickly becoming the only rival in the ACC Coastal, I’m sure we can drum up some animosity.

The Town
Atlanta sucks. I assure you, it is not where the playas play. It’s hot as balls, and they are running short on water. WATER!! Like, the one thing people need. Bear Grylls can find water in the freaking desert. You can’t find it in Atlanta. Therefore, Atlanta sucks worse than the desert.

Also, it’s home to the Thrashers… They’re an NHL team… It’s a hockey league… you know what, forget it.

The School
The fact that no one refers to them as “Gah” Tech still pisses us off to no end.

The Team
As mentioned, the Yellow Jackets have become the biggest rival in the division, and that game in 2006 still stings a good bit (damn you, Calvin Johnson). Johnson also seems to be the only notable football player to emerge from the school. Though, to be fair, Tashard Choice has one of the more awesome names we’ve ever heard.

Ken Whisenhunt also went there. He’s best known for winning the Super Bowl… as Offensive Coordinator of the Steelers.

We could go on about Stephon Marbury, but he was there for a year. He also thought Atlanta sucked.

Gah Tech also 4 National Championships. If you have any friends that went here, you already know this, as it was most likely shoved down your throat at every opportunity. In actuality, they only have one (1990), and that one was shared. If you were born in the 80’s, you don’t get to brag about anything that happened prior to the Civil Rights Movement.

The Fans/Alumni
No personal qualms with the fans. Feel free to leave any hilarious/scary experience you may have had in the comments.

But the alumni?? OOOOOH my.

Cam-freaking-Bonifay is a Yellow Jacket. I will forever despise this man.

Don’t know who he is? Let’s just say he was the General Manager a certain western Pennsylvania baseball team from 1993-2001. That’s right, your Pittsburgh Pirates. How’d we do during that time, by the way??

The fact that he stayed GM for that long is a true testament as to how terrible the entire franchise is run. Who could keep a job year after year when they clearly suck out loud? Who I ask you, WHO??


Also, they count Jimmy Carter and Jeff Foxworthy among their alumni. One tells jokes, the other is a joke. Or both.

Pritchard is going co-ed, and someone is not happy.

April 6, 2009

There are no words to fairly describe the awesomeness of the video below:

Bryan Stinespring: Bad Coordinator, or WORST COORDINATOR EVER??

November 15, 2008
Somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout.
But there is no joy in Blacksburg,
Mr. Stinespring’s gotta be out.

Warning: This post contains possibly harmful amounts of anger, hate, and rage. Proceed at your own risk.

Where to begin? Where oh where to begin?

This may come as a surprise, but we are not football experts here at The North End Zone. We know we like football, and that’s good enough for us.

But sweet baby James what the hell was that pitifulness put on display on Thursday night?? Anyone?

Our offense appears to be run by one of those old time computers that could only be used by punch cards… or A.W.E.S.O.M.E.-O.

Bryan Stinespring is awful at his job. One of the worst we’ve ever seen. If we performed like that at our job, we’d be fired faster than Ryan “Fired Guy” Howard.

We’re not saying we could do better. Again, we don’t know football that well. But let’s look at the facts, shall we?

There are 119 college football teams in Division 1-A. You know where we rank in offense? 109th. Just ahead of San Jose State and Syracuse. San Jose isn’t even a state. Hell, we are last in the ACC in offense. Last in the worst conference in the world.

We’d like to say it’s a fluke. That we lost a ton of guys and are really young. But that would be a lie. Our rankings for yards per game since 2003:
2007 – 100th
2006 – 97th
2005 – 57th (wooooooooo!)
2004 – 69th
2003 – 69th (at least we’re consistent)

Check it out kids.

And we want to be an elite program? Are you kidding? Light years away.

Oh, and the possibility of Bud Foster leaving? You’re damn right he should leave. If you did nothing but do wonders at your job, only to see the other side of the team consistently blow games, why in the world would you stay? If Bud Foster was the defensive coach at USC, he wins 3 titles in 5 years.

Make no mistake, WHEN he leaves, we become straight up mediocre. I hope you like all that success Maryland is having, because that’s us, folks.

Stinespring has to be fired, right? I mean, there is ZERO proof that he his doing the job he was hired for. Wasn’t this kind of thing covered when congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley?

Yes, that was a Sarbanes-Oxley joke. Cherish.

But there is hope, people. There is a movement beginning. From the blog to the Facebook group.

As Abe Lincoln once said, “Any fanbase anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing incompetent coaching staff, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate Hokie Nation.”

The movement is growing. Bring signs. Paint sidewalks. Pay for one of those flyover ad things they have at the beach. VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

Game 7 and 8: We hate everything

October 24, 2008
You knew this was coming. You knew it, and we knew it. No one wanted to say it, but we have looked pretty pathetic is most of our games. And it finally caught up with us.

We weren’t sure if it was actually going to be BC, but it was coming shortly.

Some thoughts on the game…

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Sweet Jesus, our offense is terrible. Mr. Stinespring, we’re sure you are a decent and upstanding man, but you are terrible at your job.

We don’t know the answer. You know who doesn’t know how to do my job? My CEO. But he can sure as hell tell if I’m bad at my job. We’re not saying we could do any better, but good lord man. The results speak for themselves.

5 turnovers. The defense forced 5 turnovers. Thankfully, 2 were returned for touchdowns. The chances of our offense scoring a touchdown from the red zone are less than negative.

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Remember when we were good on special teams? That sure was neat.

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You know what’s awesome? Kickball parties. They had free beer. FREE. BEER. Not kidding. Thank goodness they did. The game required much of it.

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Can we get some stick-um for our receivers?

Little Giants anyone?

We know ya’ll are young, but the ball almost got stuck in your facemasks. I suppose it wasn’t this bad.

This is how you lose an election to a guy with a 36% approval rating.

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Drunk dialing your dad to bitch about the game? Awesome.

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Two 45 yard field goals. The Closer. Still pimp.

Let’s be honest. No one pimps on TNT.

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All in all, Boston can suck it. We still hate you. We’ll see you in the ACC Championship. Won’t see your fans, but at least the team might be willing to make the trip.

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On to this week…

You know who we hate more than BC? Bobby F’ing Bowden and Florida State.

We hate everything about this school.

We hate that they have maroon as their color.

We hate their crimiNole players.

We know people like Jenn Sterger, but we do hate crabs. As well as the 3 STDs they named after her.

And we hate their racist chop.
CHOP picture photoshop

We’ve been trying to think of anything in our lives that was more satisfying than doing the mocking chop at the game last year. We wish we could come up with something, but we have to be honest. Until we have a child that wins the Superbowl, there will never be anything that will live up to that.

We all know how big this game is. It’s not a must win, but after last week, it kind of is. FSU is better than they have been in the past few years, but they are clearly beatable. Let’s see if we can actually come through when we need it.

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We are still sitting ok in the standings. That GT win looks better than ever, and the BC loss won’t hurt so badly since they are on the other side of the tracks.

But another loss, and Gah Tech is in the driver’s seat. We need to get this done, fellas. Time to step up to the plate when it matters.

Hero after this short prediction break.

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You know what time it is. It’s time for creepy prediction guy.

He watches you sleep…

We have a tie from last week’s predictions between The DiP and Lady Wright. We would let the lady win, but they’re both chicks. So we’ll go with the one not from Philly. Congrats to Lady Wright. Your trophy is our file photo of your boyfriend.

File photo

Enjoy.

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This week’s choices…

C Gally: 19 – 17 VT, No offensive touchdowns

Lady Wright: 24 – 21 VT

Maniak: 23 – 21 VT, The Closer closes

Meet Bag: 27 – 20 VT

Wright: 30 – 13 FSU

The Northerner: 24 – 21 VT

The DiP: 31 – 17 FSU

CMU Analyst: 31 – 26 FSU

The Bull: 21 – 13 FSU

G-Way: 21 – 10 VT

B Dubs: 24 – 10 FSU

Poppa Gally: Didn’t actually submit any score, but let’s assume Tech victory with 3 blocked kicks.

Quite the pessimistic crew we have around these parts. Or as we like to say, a lot of people that hate America.

Go Tech. Fire Stinespring.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!!

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So what the hell do we do now? We went with Babe Ruth last time and got burned. We even threw in some Sandlot references for good measure.

We need this win. It has to happen.

So who do we need?

We need someone that knows Florida.
Where do we turn?

You guessed it.

Ponce de Leon

The guy is just classically awesome. Make it happen, good sir.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!!

Orange Bowl "Thoughts"

January 8, 2008

I use the quotation marks because the word “thoughts” does not include the phrase “angry rants”. No no, I’m not super angry. More frustrated. Tired of missing these golden opportunities to jump to the next level. Sad for the fact that these BCS games don’t come too often. Nor do they come often against teams we should beat.

Yes, we should have beaten Kansas. Not that we could have won. We straight up should have won. KU was better than I thought, for sure. Really, I had no idea what to expect as they didn’t really play anyone. But to lose by 3 after the way Tech played? We should have won.

Make no mistake, this loss set us back. A program fighting on the brink of elite did not need another loss in a BCS game. This now makes 12 years since a BCS win. Officially, no one is allowed to talk about a National Championship on this site. WVU is 10 times more likely to win one than us… that hurt to type.

So let’s play the question/answer dialog:

Was the season a success?

Yes, of course. 11-3 is always successful. I will always be happy OVERALL with a season. I got to do the tomahawk chop in mocking fashion with 75,000 of my best friends. I’ve been waiting since kindergarten to do that.

But the name of the game is missed opportunities. There is no need to document those. Besides, the computer I was tracking them on got thrown into the wall when we kicked the ball into Joe Mortensen’s stomach.


Since the season was technically a success, does anything need changed?

Good God yes. Bryan Stinespring… wow. If our offense was anywhere near AVERAGE, we finish top 5 every year. By my count, our offense cost us 17 points from turnovers. We win going away if we punted the ball on 1st down.

Despite what you probably think, I am not a football expert. I cannot tell you exactly what needs to change in our offense (i.e. RUN THE %#*&ING BALL!). But I do know that if you have a legend like Frank Beamer as your coach and you can’t recruit a top 30 offense, then you need to go home. If it quacks like a duck, it’s either a duck or coach Bombay. (Hey, think Gordon could come be OC? I’d take Charlie Conway or that cake eater Adam Banks at this point.)

By my count, there are 217 “Fire Bryan Stinespring” websites/facebook groups/nursery schools. This is not including the international community. The surge in the facebook group membership in the past 4 days should be telling enough. (The newest to join the Fire BS/VT blog community is in the links to the right.) I’m not saying its the end all be all, but sometimes a little change is good. And any change concerning our offense can’t be bad.

(Note that I refrained from using the phrase “offensive offense”… aww dammit.)


But I am only one person. How can I make a difference?

Write your congressman. Tell him or her that we cannot stand for this kind of blind bi-partisan coaching. I don’t really know what I meant by that, but forget it. I’m rolling.


Can we at least hate Kansas now?

Unfortunately or otherwise, no. Every fan we met from the heart land was pretty fun. Most likely because they had booze, and we had no contact with KU whatsoever before this game. The last time we played common opponents was in 1874.

Ironically, Michael “Ookie” Vick was transferred to a prison in Kansas. Maybe ESPN will make him define the state, cuz lord knows they made him define us. (Seriously, the freshmen this year were 12 when Vick played at Tech. No one cares.)


Will we be in the National Championship hunt in 2008?

Get the hell off of my porch, son.


But the game was fun. To all fans out there, if you can make a BCS game, DO IT. Then you’ll realize why our goal every year should be to win the conference. Yes, we are angry right now, but we are angry about one game. That’s fine. We all know we had a great season. And we will all remember that in a few weeks when we return from our ESPN.com hibernation.

Stay tuned for a season wrap.

0-0

September 13, 2007

So Saturday night happened… whatever. We are 0-0 in conference. We win the conference, we go to a huge bowl. It ‘s as simple as that.

LSU was not a The biggest game of our season will be at Georgia Tech. If we had won that game last year and lost to Clemson, we’d have played Wake for the ACC title.

Good things to come out of Saturday’s game:

  1. Tyrod, obviously.
  2. Stinespring is closer to being let go. Not that he will, but at least more people will be calling for it.
  3. Everyone can shutup about the National Championship.

Prior to 9:15 pm, Saturday was one of the greatest football days in recent memory. There were so many big games. So many close games. So many upsets. In the end, at least we aren’t Notre Dame or Michigan.

Is anyone out there (besides the alums/fans) not enjoying this downfall? I love the 70 year old sportswriters that can’t believe their eyes. Isn’t Notre Dame required to be good? Right? Like in the 40s?

The Michigan debacle has proved pretty obviously just how much crap the preseason polls are. #5 in the country 2 weeks ago; not a single vote this week.

Anyways, there are some things I came out of this weekend with. Here they are.

Rules for life:

There is to be no talk of a National Championship until we win a BCS bowl game. We have not won a BCS bowl game since December 31, 1995. 4 years later, we lost to Florida State for the National Championship. But let’s be honest, we haven’t done much in the big bowls since. Before we can talk about winning the big one, we need to win some bigger ones. Once you win a BCS game, you have 6 or 7 years to legitimately expect a chance at the National Championship. We’re on our 12th.

You are still allowed to whine about our offense, even when the defense gives up 48 points. So Foster was off for a game. Stinespring has been off for 6 years.

Do not stay at home to watch a big game. Unless you are actually at the game, go to a bar. It’s a good atmosphere when you’re winning, and the hard liquor is close if you’re losing.

Run. The. Ball. If you run the ball, you control the clock.

Put two TVs in your living room. Just do it. There is too much good football on at one time. And when football’s not on, you can still watch TV while playing NBA Jam T.E.

Live. Laugh. Love. Run the football. Learn the rules, use the rules.

With that said, this may in fact be my last post. I am attending the WVU-Maryland game tonight in College Park… with 3 WVU people. Stupid Congress, not giving me the body armour I truly need.