Archive for the ‘hillbillies’ Category

Rest In Peace, Popcorn

March 17, 2009

On Monday, the country lost one of it’s greatest hillbillies. Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton, who some of you may recognize from the History Channel’s docu-show “Moonshiners, Bootleggers, and Rumrunners” was a notorious moonshiner from Tennessee/North Carolina. He died Monday. A lot of people think he killed himself. Why do they think this, you ask? Because he was supposed to go to prison for 18 months on Friday.

What would a little old man like Popcorn get in trouble for?

Authorities who searched his home and a storage unit in Maggie Valley, N.C., said they found just under 1,700 gallons of moonshine, three stills capable of producing up to a thousand gallons of alcohol and large supplies of moonshine ingredients. They also found firearms and ammunition.

That would make sense now. And seeing as how he’s gotten busted multiple times before this, it’s really not shocking. But, still, moonshine is a part of the Appalachian tradition, not matter how awful it tastes or how fast it could kill you, dammit.

As a side note, its always fun for me to read the comment section on articles, just to see what some crazy people say about said article. This one produced a gem. After about 25 people posted their comments fawning over Popcorn, one guy had the audacity to insinuate that this guy is a criminal and no one should be calling him a hero. The next guy then said Jesus was considered a felon and that the first guy must be a soulless bastard. A third guy then said that Popcorn was like Jesus because Jesus turned water to wine, and Popcorn basically did the same by making moonshine from corn. The comment section then devolved into a religious argument. I cannot make this shit up.

But still, Popcorn, Jesus-like or not, had a funny name and made booze so I have no problem with him. Next time you have a drop of the ol’ shine, think of Popcorn.

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Hillbillies Beware

February 27, 2009

The governor of West Virginia is sick and tired of his state being treated like a bunch of poverty stricken yokels with no teeth who sleep with their sister, according to Newsweek (editor’s note: read this article, it’s well worth it). He is pumping money into the schools and the tourism program to bring and keep people in West Virginia.

A point of concern is a recent ABC documentary “Children of the Mountains” which features Shawn Grim who was, according to the documentary,

Born and raised in central Appalachia, Shawn Grim is a walking hillbilly cliché. His mother has no teeth, none of his relatives graduated from high school and there’s a gun rack on the wall of his family’s ramshackle trailer. But he was still shocked last year when his brother, “Little Man,” was caught in flagrante with his half-sister.

I need to see this documentary. If anyone knows where I can find it, please tell me.

To remedy the exodus problem, the governor enlisted the help of WV residents in thinking of a new forward thinking and progressive motto for their beloved state. The notable entries? “Loving my hills” and a place “where time stands still”. Classic.

Another major negative point in the governor’s mind is the annual Road Kill Cook Off in interestingly named Pocahontas, WV, featuring: intestine-challenging “flat cat,” “bumper bruised bear” and “deer schmear fajitas.”

When asked about the Road Kill Cook Off, the governor had this charming anecdote for us:

Are they still running that s––– down south? he asks an aide in disbelief, before adding: Well, I tell you what, if you see [the organizer], kill the son of a bitch.

Why no one wants to live in that little slice of heaven is beyond me.

I apologize to anyone who is scared or offended by this picture below, but I have to post it. It’s like a train wreck, it’s so disturbing, yet I can’t stop staring at it.

“You have a purdy mouth.”