Archive for the ‘UVA Sucks’ Category

Highlights from Week 2 of College Football

September 14, 2009

There are only two highlights from this week in college football.

1. We won. We hung 52 points on Marshall with most of those coming from the offense! It’s how it should be done and we did it. Good job, Hokies.

2. This. No words are needed. Enjoy.

The Spectacular, The Horrific, and the F-Ugly: Week 1

September 14, 2009

This week we are starting a new series of posts. It is the spectacular, the horrific, and the F-ugly. It will be a weekly post about the Sunday that was in the NFL.

The Spectacular:

Drew Brees edges out Adrian Peterson this week. Brees had 358 passing yards with 6 touchdowns yesterday against Detroit. New Orleans doesn’t need defensive help if Brees is giving the team 45 points. By the way where is Reggie Bush? Will he ever help in the running game? If he can ever figure it out, that offense might be unstoppable.

The Horrific:

Jake Delhomme beats out Jay Cutler in the battle of 4 pick quarterbacks. Delhomme gets the honor this week because it only took him 3 quarters to throw the 4 picks before being pulled. If Delhomme had another 20 minutes of action that number might be 7 maybe even double digits. So, In Delhomme’s past 101 minutes of action he has thrown 9 interceptions. That is 1 every 11 minutes. In an entire season that would compute out to 87 interceptions. That might be more picks than the Rams will score points this year.

The F-Ugly:

The Bengals secondary are hands down the F-ugliest this week. With 11 seconds left in the game Kyle Orton throws a poor ball to Brandon Marshall that is tipped. Brandon Stokely was in the right spot at the right time and got the tip and ran another 50 yards for the score. But, how was Stokely the last man between the ball and the end zone? Shouldn’t there have been some sort of elaborate prevent to make sure there was always one defender as a safety value? This is why they are the Bungles.  

Hatefest 2009: The Final Hate

September 11, 2009

As the season gets underway, we’d like to offer a big “Thank You” to everyone for helping make Hatefest 2009 a smashing success. We got out some hatred. Made some friends. Lost some others. And overall, we got our true feelings on paper (or web paper).

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But in our busy week, we neglected to truly give the UVA loss to William and Mary it’s proper due.

Of course, it was freaking awesome. We are witnessing the low point in the history of UVA football. And lordy lordy does it feel good.

But in reflection this past week, we’ve come to a sad realization: This rivalry has all but ceased to exist.

I mean, they just straight up suck right now. Sure we still hate them and their smug “fans”. But since ’99, Tech is 9-1 against the Hoos. And with Al Groh still at the helm in Charlottesville, a quick turn around does not seem likely.

Can this classic matchup become competitive again? Absolutely. Georgia beat Georgia Tech like 20 times in a row, but the Yellow Jackets eventually turned it around (kind of).

Don’t get us wrong, the rivalry isn’t dead. It will never die. But at the moment, it’s in a coma with few signs of life.

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Again, thank you to everyone that read, linked, or told someone about our little festival of hate here at our corner of the facetubes. Please stick around to read about things we like*.

* If we still have Voldemort as OC, expect more hate.

Your Comprehensive Season Preview

September 2, 2009

With less than a week until kickoff, we figured we could go ahead and spoil the entire season for you. Here is your comprehensive season preview. With results! Just try to act surprised so you don’t ruin it for everyone else.

Alabama
This game… wow. Only a few days away. We’ll have our usual non-informative preview tomorrow. But if you’re not excited for this game by now, you should probably go find another team.

Prediction: Tech wins, 28-27

Rating: Five Giggitys
Marshall
The last time Marshall came to Blacksburg, it was a big game. That was back when they paid their players. Unfortunately for Herd fans, that practice has ceased, and the team kinda sucks now.

But it is still the home opener. Despite the million or so Hokies going to Atlanta, for many of us it will be the first time to see our boys play.

Prediction: Tech wins, 45-10

Rating: Two Giggitys

Nebraska
The biggest non-conference home game this year. Like Marshall, Nebraska used to be good. Granted, they were multiple-national-championships good, but I think the comparison stands.
Apparently their fans were pretty decent to the majority of Hokies fans we talked to, so let’s try to keep the WVU antics to a minimum.
Prediction: Tech wins, 27-14

Rating: Four Giggitys

Miami
Sweet lord, our September schedule is amazing. And Miami at home is always a good time. We really can’t wait to put a stop to all this “Miami is on their way back up” bull crap. I’m sure the dozen or so Canes fans will be left crying after this one is over.

Prediction: Tech wins, 35-6

Rating: Five Giggitys

At Duke
Why do we play this game? We’ve asked this every year, and have yet to find an answer.

Prediction: Tech wins by a lot.

Rating: One Giggity

Boston College
History will not repeat itself in this game, as we will prevail in the regular season contest against the Eagles. Plan on attending this game, if only to avoid watching 100 replays of that Matt Ryan doucher.

Prediction: Tech wins, 20-10

Rating: Four Giggitys

At Georgia Tech
This game is only important if you care about winning the ACC. Seriously, this is the game of the year.

Win, and Tech has the upper hand in the Division. Even with another loss (which won’t happen), we’ll still have the tie-breaker.

Lose, and our prediction will be wrong.

Prediction: Tech wins, 35 – 24

Rating: Five Giggitys UNC
Thursday night. Blacksburg. Game. Blouses.

Yeah yeah, UNC is the sleeper pick to win the ACC. You know the last time a sleeper pick worked out? 1999, and it was Tech in the National Championship game.

Prediction: Tech wins, 17 – 6

Rating: Four Giggitys At ECU
Sweet sassy molassey, this game is freaking stupid. Thursday night at ECU in November? Weaver has officially lost his mind. Whatevs.

Prediction: Tech wins, 18 – 12

Rating: Three Giggitys At Maryland
There will absolutely be more Tech fans at this game than Twerp fans. Hell, if you wanted to buy tickets for this game, the Maryland Athletic Department made you buy tickets to see the JMU game, every water polo match, and that new Tyler Perry movie. Sadly, the Fridge will have to drown his sorrows in a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s after this shellacking.

Prediction: Tech wins, 52 – 10

Rating: Three Giggitys

NC State
We kind of forgot they were in the ACC, to be honest with you.

Prediction: Tech wins, 38 – 17

Rating: Three Giggitys At UVA
See: Hatefest 2009

Prediction: Tech wins, 62 – 12

Rating: Four Giggitys

ACC Championship Game
We will most likely play Boston College, thus guaranteeing us a spot in the BCS National Championship.

Prediction: Tech wins, 31 – 14

Rating: Five Giggitys National Championship Game
From what we can gather, Tech will most likely be playing Notre Dame.

Prediction: Tech wins, 45 – 10

Rating: Five Giggitys

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So there you have it, folks. Our entire season laid out.

Don’t tell anyone though, they might steal the sports almanac I brought back from the future. FYI, don’t bet on Pittsburgh to win the World Series this year.

HateFest 2009: Why we hate…UVA – Part II

September 2, 2009

Oh there are so many reasons, but I can’t put some into words. Those that I can can be found below:

1. Their fans are pathetic. Everyone who went to Tech knows why. They wear ties and sundresses to the game. If they go at all. They have gotten sternly talked to by Al Groh because even HE admits they’re fucking pathetic. Most of their fans strike me as the kind of people who are relatively straight-laced in high school and then leave for college and turn into those annoying “I love alcohol and why haven’t I tried this until now” kind of people who don’t know how to handle their booze and end up puking on your new couch.

I went to a concert at UVA freshman year and the band had to warn the guys at the front three times because these drunken ass frat boys were trying to start a mosh pit and were pushing and body-checking a girl who had the bad luck of finding herself in the middle of them. The band eventually stopped playing to wait until the dumbasses stopped their stupid shit. It was an OAR concert.

2. They further the stupid ass southern concept that “if you wear pastel polo shirts/pastel shorts and boat shoes you must be wealthy”. You look ridiculous. And if you do wear pastel polos and pastel shorts here is a word of advice: they aren’t mix-and-match. Certain colors go with other certain colors. Unfortunately this trend had moved to Tech when I was there and into my fraternity as well. All I could think of is how stupid the people at Tech were for following this dumbass trend brought down from UVA. It was a sad day.

3. UVA fans and alumni have a very unhealthy obsession with Thomas Jefferson. We get it. He established your school. Whoop-dee-doo. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great politician and founder of our country and did great things for our young nation. But there is no reason you need to fellate the man. He’s dead. He won’t feel anything.

4. Can’t really hate on their football team too much since they haven’t really wronged us in a while. Football is the only sport (other than softball) that we lead the overall series. Our record all time is 48-35-5. We haven’t lost to them since we have been in the ACC. I’m wondering if they are regretting their hard lobbying for us to be brought over to the ACC.

That’s all I can think of at this moment, but if I remember anything else I’ll let you know.

Hatefest 2009: Why I hate… UVA

September 1, 2009

During Hatefest 2009 we have hated on many different schools throughout this great nation. Hatefest now draws to its magnificent conclusion with the school any Hokie should hate more than Lee Corso himself. There will be a different format this week; each of the writers will talk about why we each hate UVA. Hope everyone except UVA fans enjoy. 

What I want to hate about set back the Virginia Tech football program 14 years. UVA slaughtered the Hokies 42-23 at Lane Stadium on November 19, 1994. The blowout shattered Hokie Nation to its core leading to a decision that wasn’t reversed till last year. During the game the Hokies wore an orange uniform, orange jersey and orange pants. The orange uniform was blamed for the loss. Frank Beamer said he would burn them and orange would never be seen on a Hokie football player again. Will Stewart said “The Hokies looked like a bunch of tangerines on the field, and UVA proceeded to beat the pulp out of them.” The color orange as the main focus of the Hokie’s uniform was not seen again till The Orange Effect game last year against Georgia Tech. Thankfully the Hokies won that game or else it would have been till 2022 till we saw an orange Hokie again.

So, I hate UVA for a lot more reasons than this but, this seemed to be the most unfounded of all of my reasons. However, how can you not hate a team that makes you change your uniform for a decade and a half? 

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… Florida

August 31, 2009

Florida week ends with ….. Florida weird. 

The Team:

The Hokies have not played the Florida Gators since 1985 but there are still reasons to hate them. They are always so good and loved by the media. They have that damn Urban Meyer and his spread offense and that damn golden boy Tim Tebow that understands how to run it. I never knew an offense could be innovative. I thought the only plays you could call were runs up the middle, screen passes, and draw plays. ”cough” stinespring “cough” Hopefully, this year we will meet Florida for the first time in 25 years and then they will actually have to face a defense to win a National Championship.

The Town and Campus: 

The town of Gainesville is rather large and not totally overwhelmed by the college campus like Blacksburg is. Also, Gainesville has a very classy Confederate States of America statue in its downtown. The campus contains a number of nationally recognized historic buildings.  

The Students, Alumni and Fans:

I really have nothing bad to say about their alumni or students. Their team is good they win championships in major sports, good for them. It’s the Florida bandwagon jumpers I have the problem with. Florida seems to be on the same lines of Duke, Miami, Florida State, USC, Notre Dame, and Michigan. They draw fans that have allegiance or affiliation to the school itself. They draw fans that just want to cheer for the best team and that’s fine just stay with them then don’t bounce around from team to team. 

Other:

Can we stop this charade of the past 7 weeks and get to the reason why Hatefest 2009 was even created, and hate on UVA already? UVA SUCKS

HateFest 2009: Why we hate… UNC

August 18, 2009

We continue ACC Costal week with UNC. And no we didn’t forget, we just… kept putting it off. And then maybe forgot.

The Team:

There is really only main reason to hate the UNC football team: the Hokies only get to play them once a year. Imagine the win total they could have if they played UNC and Duke twice a year. WOW. The Hokies have won the last 5 against UNC, all coming since entering the ACC.

I was going to mention their unusually good receivers that they have year in and year out. However, it seems the Hokies get great receiving talent too (when they turn pro). Both teams suffer from a lack of ability to get the receivers the ball.

The Town:

The town is a lot like Blacksburg because the university is the main draw for Chapel Hill. But, the university is pretty much the UVA of North Carolina and we all know that UVA SUCKS.

The Students and Fans:

First, I would like to say I don’t hate the UNC fans as much as the Duke fans. Nevertheless, they seem arrogant, stuck up, and entitled. They feel that they are owed championships because they follow UNC. Much of the UNC fans most likely never attended UNC and are just bandwagon jumpers that enjoy baby blue. This is seen more often in basketball then football.

Secondly, the mascot Rameses (the ram) came to be because of a kicker. Who wants to be affiliated with a kicker at all (and yes I know I have a David Akers Jersey … Shut it)?

Other:

We will digress to basketball for a minute here. Can anyone be more of a tool bag than Tyler Hansbrough? With his always going to the line and game winning turn around jump shoots. Who does he think he is with the turn around, fade away, baseline jumpers, Cheick Diakite? And his eyes, is he always scared of something. Like a deer in the headlights. I think he’s scared of getting the balling in the paint and not hearing a whistle. I am happy that he will be wearing a Pacer jersey next season.