Archive for the ‘Alabama’ Category

This makes me feel a little better

September 10, 2009

Now as we approach the second weekend of college football, certain things are being released from last weekend that expose how tightly wound the fans of major teams get at the start of the season. This is one of them.

Damn. And I mean damn. I’ve yelled at my fair share of TV screens before, but never even anything close to this. Damn. I can only imagine this was at the point where we were winning, because if he was this upset and they were winning then he better get an emergency defibrillator installed in his house because he’s not making it through the entire season without his heart popping like a balloon. Few things to note here:

1. Due to his thick southern accent, this rant sounds kind of polite and less harsh despite all the cursing.

2. How awkward must he be around his friends now that Alabama ended up winning?

3. How awkward must he be around the girl he called “slut” to her face?

4. Did he really think they could hear him threaten to come to Atlanta and blow their head off?

5. Overall, I didn’t think the refereeing was that bad. Was he watching a different game or something?

Let’s hope Marshall fans are a bit more demure than this guy.

Thoughts on the Alabama game

September 9, 2009

Alright, so it’s already Wednesday and we haven’t put anything out about the game. So here is the best we’re going to muster.

  • We lost. We didn’t lose big but we still lost. We were winning up until about 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter. I foresee the fourth quarter being our worst enemy this season which is a really bad thing. I don’t know if it was our conditioning that was weak or the fact that our defense was on the field for almost three complete quarters. That’s right, possession shook up as 37:02 to 22:58. That is not healthy. That shit comes back and bites you in the ass in the fourth quarter. Exhibit A: This game.
  • Our offense wasn’t on the field for very long because of two things: 1. Alabama’s defense is really good, and 2. Our offense is extremely predictable. The announcers (Kirk) were even commenting about how one of Alabama’s strategies before the game was to rely on the predictability of our offense. Just wonderful. They were showing stats before the game, and I don’t remember the context – something like the bowl game or the last three games of the season or something, but basically it was out of 110 plays, we passed for 10 of them. I mean come on. Every defense you play against is going to know you’re running the ball. And it would be different if you had like 80 plays where you changed up the ball carrier or direction, but we don’t. It’s Tyrod around the side in a scramble, or a back/Tyrod up the middle. That’s it. There are flashes where plays that are imaginative and creative come up, but that factors in to the 10 our of 110 plays. That’s just not enough. We need to keep defense on their toes. Or heels. Either one works.
  • Ryan Williams is going to be a perfectly fine substitute for Darren Evans.
  • We, finally, weren’t the team losing our focus and piling up the penalties. Only 6 for 45 yards compared to 10 for 83 by Alabama. We just need to keep that going.
  • I don’t know if it was a fluke, but our special teams – the offensive aspect of it – was actually not half bad. A return for a TD and some decent field position is nice to see.
  • There is one number that stood out to me in this game. 62. As in Blake DeChristopher on our offensive line. He could have single-handedly cost us this game. Now that is obviously a general statement, but he did his fair share of acting like a sieve and letting the defense go untouched to Tyrod. Namely on our last drive where Taylor got sacked. Guy came straight from DeChristopher’s side and Blake didn’t feel like getting in his way. Now I don’t know if he had other things on his mind, ie. his girlfriend broke up with him, he’s worried about his advanced physics class starting up, he couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart were ever going to get back together, but he needs to clean that shit up. Put your enormous body in the path of a defender and at least slow him down to give your QB a fraction of a second to get away.
  • Why did we stop wearing the old school white unis with the maroon and orange stripe on the shoulders? They had been working very well for us last year. Why stop now? I say bring them back. They were simple, they were understated, and they made us fucking win.
  • We can chalk this up to Alabama’s good defense again, but we mustered only 155 yards on offense. They had 498. It’s a shock we only lost by 10. This goes back to the whole point of our offense. It’s wayyy too predictable.
  • Staying on the predictable offense vein, we had four players rush in the game. One was a receiver who only had one attempt. Another was Tyrod who had ten rushes (and -26 total yards, so some of those “rushes” were actually sacks). That leaves two backs who got 19 of the 30 rush attempts. Add Tyrod in and we had three players making 97% of the rushes. Alabama had 7 players. Granted Ingram had almost half, but there were 6 other players who they would uses to keep us on our toes.
  • Our kicking game is solid again. And we’re really going to miss Brent Bowden when he gets up and leaves.
  • Overall, we didn’t play a terrible game, and this is a game that we could have won. It looks like we will resign ourselves to peaking with the Orange Bowl and settle on having our pinnacle game be the ACC Championship, just as it is every year. This is already getting fucking boring. Lose the first game, win 10 more, repeat. I don’t really have too many suggestions for Coach Beamer, but I think it’s clear that we need to get some standout talent on the field and get coaches (and a coordinator) who know how to exploit that talent rather than fall back on it in emergency situations.

Add your thoughts in the comment section.

Game 1: Alabama Predictions

September 4, 2009

And now, the season is really getting going.

Once again, we make our fearless predictions for this week’s game. Whoever is closest, based on our BCS-like calculations, wins a fabulous prize*.

*prize yet to be determined, but is most likely not fabulous.

Let’s see ’em:

Gally: 14-12 VT

The Northerner: 17-14 VT

Maniak: 20-17 VT

Meet-Bag: 20 – 13 VT

B-Dubs: 24-10 VT

The Bull: 17-13 VT

The DiP: 24-20 VT

Wright: 20-17 VT

Poppa Gally: DEFENSE!!!! VT 14 – Ala 10………At a minimum……1 BLOCKED KICK!!!!**
**copy and pasted directly from the email

The CMU Football Analyst: 24-17 Alabama***
***no one likes him

GWay: 17-10 VT

Bobby the Ginger: 16-10 VT

We usually like to get a prediction from a fan of our opponent. But since we have jobs and live in a city with economic growth, we don’t know any Alabama fans to ask.

So if there are any ‘Bama folk out there, please leave your score predictions in the comments. If you think someone will score over 20 points, ask a friend if you can borrow his fingers and toes.


And of course, Tech fans should absolutely let us know their scores. (See the section about a fabulous prize up above.) Just try to be as fair and balanced as we were in our predictions.

Game 1: Alabama Preview

September 4, 2009


The ‘Bama game is here and it’s spectacular.

#5 vs. #7. Your grandchildren will hear stories about this game. Your girlfriend might leave or marry you based on this game. Your psychiatrist will note this as the turning point in your life. Your parole officer will be assigned after this game.

There are already a million Tech fans in Atlanta right now. Everyone is going to this game. While it may not be Lane Stadium, it’ll be freaking loud. And if the sound guy is ballzy enough to put on some “Enter Sandman”, the roof will blow off.

We didn’t include Alabama in our Hatefest series. We don’t really have any reason to hate them. But that all changes right now.

The last time we heard from Bama fans was when 90,000 people showed up for their Spring Game. All this tells us is that no one in Alabama has a job.

Not that you can blame them. There is NOTHING to do in Alabama. The greatest accomplishments in the state? They have a song that is more cliché than using The Fray in your movie trailer. They were featured briefly in Forest Gump. And… well that’s about it. They had some famous coach along time ago. Too bad no one gives a shit.


The Bad Guys

As you most likely heard, one of their players, Brandon Deaderick, was shot this past week… f***ing shot! He has since returned to practice!! He won’t play on Saturday, which is good for us, because he’s apparently the offspring of the pimpest man alive, Sig Hansen.

As for the rest of the Alabama team… well they are kind of good.

They had a redonkulous defense last year, and they will probably be pretty money again. They return 9 starters.

Get ready to hear the name “Terrence Cody”, he’s Alabama’s nose tackle. The guy is 6’5”, 354 lbs!

He won’t get many sacks, since Tyrod can run faster than a manatee. But he will no doubt be a factor in the run game. We may have to (gasp!) run outside.

Apparently they are the Virginia Tech of the SEC, because their offense blows ass. They return only 5 players: 3 wide receivers and 2 linemen. That leaves a lot of inexperience in the other 3 linemen and a somewhat important position, quarterback. Greg McElroy will make his first start under center. He has thrown exactly 20 passes in actual games, and is also an incredible douche*.

*He attends an SEC school, so this is assumed.

Also, this guy went there:

He majored in cheeseburgers.


The Hokies

As for your Virginia Tech Hokies, we are freaking awesome. We return everyone.

Sure, Darren Evans got hurt, but we’ll be fine. We love Evans and all, but when was the last time we had a running back not succeed here? (Screw you, Imoh.)

Sergio Render is a pimp. Jason Worilds is nasty. And the dual K/Cam engine on defense will crush anyone.


The Game

Everyone will talk about the play of Tyrod Taylor being the deciding factor. But as long as he doesn’t throw 4 interceptions with 2 going back for touchdowns (known as pulling a Glennon), it won’t much matter what he does. This game is going to come down to defense.

If the over/under is less than 14, take the under. This is going to be a boring, boring game folks. While we would never condone drinking alcohol of any kind (HA!), a few beers on hand would probably be a good call. Your humble editor, The Northerner, and the DiP will be nice and toasty come game time. We’re not watching as a group or anything. We’re just all alcoholics.


Your Pump Up Song of the Week (other than Metallica)

If you’re on Facebook, your newsfeed is filled with 100 different entrance videos. Since you can’t actually pump “Enter Sandman” at your tailgate for 3 hours straight, allow us to give you one song that will get you psyched enough to spend a weekend in Atlanta.

Gravesmakers and Gunslingers by Coheed and Cambria

You may not have heard it before, but I dare you to listen to it and not want to tackle the next person you see.


It’s that time. Your first hero for the season.

We didn’t want to go with the usual for this game, since this isn’t a usual game. We can’t go with Steven Hiller. We can’t go with Sig. We can’t even go with Bear.

We need a badass that takes matters into his own hands. We need….

…Liam Neeson in Taken.

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Guess how that turned out.

That’s also the transcript of Beamer’s last conversation with Saban. Except for the “daughter” part.


Biggest game of your life. Nothing else happens on Saturday.

Go Hokies!!!

Ahhh crap.

September 3, 2009

I’m calling bullshit on this one. Looks like we aren’t going to get that two player advantage this weekend:

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. — No. 5 Alabama will have two of its key offensive players for the opener Saturday night against No. 7 Virginia Tech.

The NCAA reinstated receiver Julio Jones and tailback Mark Ingram on Wednesday on the condition that they repay the cost of a Gulf Coast fishing trip paid for by businessman Curtis Anderson during the spring. An Alabama spokesman said the money had been paid to charity.

“According to the facts of the case submitted by Alabama, the student-athletes received impermissible food, lodging, transportation and entertainment from an individual with whom one of the student-athletes had become acquainted prior to enrolling in college,” the NCAA said in a statement.

“Consistent with NCAA membership requirements, the institution reported the violation and declared the student-athletes ineligible. As part of the reinstatement request, the institution required the student-athletes to make repayment of the value of the impermissible benefits to charity.”

Now, personally, I don’t see how they get off of this. They accepted impermissable stuff, against NCAA rules, and then can just pay it back and they’re off the hook? What the hell kind of bullshit is that? Conspiracy if you ask me. It’ll just be that much nicer when we beat ‘Bama on Saturday.