Archive for October, 2008

Game 7 and 8: We hate everything

October 24, 2008
You knew this was coming. You knew it, and we knew it. No one wanted to say it, but we have looked pretty pathetic is most of our games. And it finally caught up with us.

We weren’t sure if it was actually going to be BC, but it was coming shortly.

Some thoughts on the game…


Sweet Jesus, our offense is terrible. Mr. Stinespring, we’re sure you are a decent and upstanding man, but you are terrible at your job.

We don’t know the answer. You know who doesn’t know how to do my job? My CEO. But he can sure as hell tell if I’m bad at my job. We’re not saying we could do any better, but good lord man. The results speak for themselves.

5 turnovers. The defense forced 5 turnovers. Thankfully, 2 were returned for touchdowns. The chances of our offense scoring a touchdown from the red zone are less than negative.


Remember when we were good on special teams? That sure was neat.


You know what’s awesome? Kickball parties. They had free beer. FREE. BEER. Not kidding. Thank goodness they did. The game required much of it.


Can we get some stick-um for our receivers?

Little Giants anyone?

We know ya’ll are young, but the ball almost got stuck in your facemasks. I suppose it wasn’t this bad.

This is how you lose an election to a guy with a 36% approval rating.


Drunk dialing your dad to bitch about the game? Awesome.


Two 45 yard field goals. The Closer. Still pimp.

Let’s be honest. No one pimps on TNT.


All in all, Boston can suck it. We still hate you. We’ll see you in the ACC Championship. Won’t see your fans, but at least the team might be willing to make the trip.


On to this week…

You know who we hate more than BC? Bobby F’ing Bowden and Florida State.

We hate everything about this school.

We hate that they have maroon as their color.

We hate their crimiNole players.

We know people like Jenn Sterger, but we do hate crabs. As well as the 3 STDs they named after her.

And we hate their racist chop.
CHOP picture photoshop

We’ve been trying to think of anything in our lives that was more satisfying than doing the mocking chop at the game last year. We wish we could come up with something, but we have to be honest. Until we have a child that wins the Superbowl, there will never be anything that will live up to that.

We all know how big this game is. It’s not a must win, but after last week, it kind of is. FSU is better than they have been in the past few years, but they are clearly beatable. Let’s see if we can actually come through when we need it.


We are still sitting ok in the standings. That GT win looks better than ever, and the BC loss won’t hurt so badly since they are on the other side of the tracks.

But another loss, and Gah Tech is in the driver’s seat. We need to get this done, fellas. Time to step up to the plate when it matters.

Hero after this short prediction break.


You know what time it is. It’s time for creepy prediction guy.

He watches you sleep…

We have a tie from last week’s predictions between The DiP and Lady Wright. We would let the lady win, but they’re both chicks. So we’ll go with the one not from Philly. Congrats to Lady Wright. Your trophy is our file photo of your boyfriend.

File photo



This week’s choices…

C Gally: 19 – 17 VT, No offensive touchdowns

Lady Wright: 24 – 21 VT

Maniak: 23 – 21 VT, The Closer closes

Meet Bag: 27 – 20 VT

Wright: 30 – 13 FSU

The Northerner: 24 – 21 VT

The DiP: 31 – 17 FSU

CMU Analyst: 31 – 26 FSU

The Bull: 21 – 13 FSU

G-Way: 21 – 10 VT

B Dubs: 24 – 10 FSU

Poppa Gally: Didn’t actually submit any score, but let’s assume Tech victory with 3 blocked kicks.

Quite the pessimistic crew we have around these parts. Or as we like to say, a lot of people that hate America.

Go Tech. Fire Stinespring.



So what the hell do we do now? We went with Babe Ruth last time and got burned. We even threw in some Sandlot references for good measure.

We need this win. It has to happen.

So who do we need?

We need someone that knows Florida.
Where do we turn?

You guessed it.

Ponce de Leon

The guy is just classically awesome. Make it happen, good sir.


Game 6 and 7: Your Champs Sports Bowl victory can’t save you now

October 17, 2008
You know what sucks? Having a bye week. Thankfully, there were plenty of other good games on last week to get us through a non-Tech weekend.

You know what sucks even more? Having to actually work all week. We are phoning this one in, folks.

It’s 3 am…


So let’s jump into a quick recap of Homecoming against the Big Red Trash Cans. Here’s a few items of note from last weekend:

Glennon is awful at football. We’re sorry, but facts are facts. There is zero pocket presence, and it was Western F’ing Kentucky.

Who scored a touchdown? You guessed it. Greg Boooooooooooooone.

Greg celebrates touchdowns by going crabbing. Sig even thinks he’s awesome.

Tailgating should be a yearly requirement. If you do not drink a beer on the back of a truck, grill a burger, and throw a football once every 365 days, you will be shipped to Siberia. You clearly hate America.

It was Western Kentucky folks. Let’s not read too much into it either way. We all had fun and that’s what matters. Whatevs all around.


On to this week.

Boston College. Ooooooooooh we freaking hate Boston College. With their Northeastern walk and the way they say “Sawx”. And Flutie! Somebody punt him off a bridge.

We are 1-2 against the Eagles in our last 3 matchups. But Tech won the big one, which we feel makes us just about even, if not on top.

Look, the Thursday night loss was awful, but that team already redeemed themselves. Let’s see if we can just go out an get a win we need, please?

We have BC, FSU, Maryland, and Miami coming up. We are probably going to lose one, if not two of those games. We need to get these wins when we can, and you know we’ll be in this game.

How’s BC look? Well, at 4-1 they aren’t doing too shabby. But they have yet to beat anyone of any relevance, and have as much offense as the Care Bears.

Matt Ryan was at the very least, a Smurf.

Granted, we’re also sitting around David the Gnome territory with our offense.

Remind you of anyone?

If the over/under on this game is above 14, take the under. With an 8 pm start, this game may be over around 9:30.

This game will certainly be stressful, so hold on to your beer. You’re going to need it.

On to the predictions:

Congrats to last week’s winner, the DiP. He missed the correct score by 3, narrowly beating out the CMU Football Analyst who missed by 4.

Since he is a Philly guy and they have yet another heartache upcoming, we’ll be nice and reward him with our largest trophy yet.

It’s the only statue in Philadelphia of an actual sports person. The other one is of a fictional character. And there are no Fresh Prince statues yet.


Who ya got this week?

C Gally: 22 – 10 VT, The Closer once again gets it done

The DiP: 27 – 24 VT

Wright: 24 – 18 VT

Lady Wright: 24 – 21 VT

The Northerner: 34 – 28 VT

Poppa Gally: 21 – 10 VT, TBK (Three blocked kicks)

B-Dubs: 24 – 14 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 20 – 19 VT

G-Way: 27 – 13 VT

Maniak: 31 – 17 VT

The Bull: 19 – 10 VT, heavy reliance on The Closer as well

Mali Ambassador: 20 – 13 VT

Straight from the experts, VT rolls. Take it to the bank.


This was a tough week in which to pick a hero. The economy is turning into Blues Brothers 2000. Everyone’s a little down.

But you know what brightens everyone’s week? Watching a team from Boston lose.

And who was responsible for more of those lovable games?

He’s the Sultan of Swat. The Colossus of Clout. (The Colossus of Clout.)

The Great Bambino.

You guessed it.

Babe Ruth

Please curse one more hated Boston team for us, Baby Ruth.


Game 5 and 6: Tech beats the big red, faces large red trash can

October 2, 2008
Did we really win? Did we really roll into an 80,000 seat, with all that history and control the game?

Hell, we can’t believe we actually controlled a game, let alone one against a Nebraska team with everything to prove.
Hey Nebraska… That. Just. Happened.

We won’t delve too much into what that win means or anything, especially since it got almost no coverage on any college football telecast. But suffice it to say that it was satisfying.
What did we like?
BLITZING!!! Holy pressure Batman, we brought more than four guys in more than a few plays. And guess what happened? Bad throws!! Imagine that! The quarterback wasn’t able to pick our defense apart.
Tyrod is steady. Though he still has a tendency to think “run-first”, at least it’s better than the alternative.


Another huge performance from The Closer. Picking up the pieces of our can’t-score-from-the-five offense.


Things we didn’t like?

Holy. Lord. 3rd and goal from the 8. Effing reverse to the weak side?!?!?! ARE YOU *%$#ing KIDDING ME?!?! Seriously, the tv was about to catch the football I was holding. Instead, we decided the best way to deal with still having a retarded monkey call our plays was to drink more.

Prevent defense needs to die. A slow painful death like that guy in Temple of Doom. Anyone else go into a seizure and have visions of the BC game last year? Yeah. Same here. Except this time we recovered the onside kick. So at that point, it was…


This win means a lot, of course. Historically, it is a solid win over a good program. But the ACC is where we need to get things done. Beating Nebraska does not get us back to a BCS bowl, kids. And despite what a lot of people think, the first step to winning a National Championship is winning a freaking BCS bowl.

Oh yeah, and that thing we said about 2004 and how every game was close and heart wrenching? Yeah. We were right.


So how do we come down from the high that was the Nebraska game? A game against some big red trash cans.

There is absolutely no way we are scouting these guys. If you are that serious about knowing the Western Kentucky’s players, you aren’t reading this site.

We will win this game because, if we don’t, coaches may be fired. And we all know that doesn’t happen at Virginia Tech. We’re fairly certain that logic is correct.

But it is going to be an awesome time, people. The game is at a nice 1:30. Late enough to enjoy tailgating, but early enough so you won’t get so blacked out you miss the rest of October.

Plus it’s Homecoming. Are we big dorks? Yes, we are. Do we love Homecoming? Yes, we do.
There’s really no reason. We don’t go to the parade or participate in any way other than cheering for whoever is representing our organizations on the court. But for some reason it’s awesome. And we embrace our dork-hood.
So get back home people. Where everyone knows your name.
Now, let’s roll out this week’s predictions…

For the second time this season, Maniak has managed to win a solo victory. And second time winners get a Walken trophy.

He. Doesn’t like.. your tone.

So there you go. Enjoy it for all it’s creepiness.


This week’s predictions (All VT victories, of course. Even B-Dubs!):

*Going to the game. Loves Virginia Tech.
^Not going to the game. Hates Virginia Tech. Loves Rick Astley
***Excused from attending game due to living in Africa.

C Gally*: 28 – 6, Virgil touchdown

B-Dubs^: 37 – 13

Mali Ambassador***: 37 – 6

CMU Football Analyst^: 31 – 13

The Bull*: 31 – 7

Wright^: 30 – 7

Lady Wright^: 44 – 14

Maniak*: 31 – 10

The DiP^: 27 – 10

Poppa Gally*: 35 – 7 (3 blocked kicks, as usual)

The Northerner^: 34 – 13

Yeah, that’s right. Poppa Gally will be there in full-on Hokie style. Needless to say, there will be plenty of hurling some Bumarooski chunks.



And once again we reached the point where a decision must be made.

Ol’ Bear got the job done hella-well last week, and we like the idea of picking based on the opponent.

And who knows his way around a trash can?

You guessed it.

Oscar the Grouch.

Lead us well, good sir. Lead us well.