Archive for November, 2008

Game 12: We go to the ACC Championship, UVA stays home for bowl season

November 28, 2008
Soooooo…. that just happened. 7 points on offense against Duke. It’s a damn good thing Macho scored on that interception, as we would have no doubt turned the ball over again.

We turned the ball over more than… some sort of… turnover machine or something. Which is retty much what our offense has become.

Seriously, that was freaking embarrassing. There’s no 2 ways about it.

Though, it was just about perfect.

Not only did we get the win, but the offense was so obviously terrible that Voldemort cannot hide behind the victory.

At the very least, a wide receiver scored a touchdown… ELEVEN GAMES INTO THE SEASON. Wish that was a joke.

Bu we won’t dwell on it. Drinking started at 1:30 and ended at 1:30, so the day was quite awesome. Despite the fact that Blacksburg somehow relocated to Siberia at game time.

We’d rant more, but the turkey is calling.

But we won, and we find that any reason to post this picture is worth it.


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So this is the week. UVA week. God, we hate UVA. There’s no two ways to say it. They are just awful. Everything about them.

Their fight song is the New Year’s song. Come on. Be original one time.

They are also the victims of the greatest non-douchebag prank ever.


So not only can we lock up a spot in the title game, but we also give the Whos their 7th loss. As much as we enjoy seeing them play on the blue turf, spending more time on that campus is also a pretty bad punishment.

Thanks to the holiday, we are phoning this preview in.


What should you look for in this game? Nothing. This may be the ugliest game you will watch all year. They will probably use this game to torture Guantanimo Bay inmates.

But root your heart out. We may just back our way into another ACC Championship game.

GO HOKIES!!!

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Let’s hit up some predictions.


Last week’s winner is the always impressive Geoff Way. He’s impressive because we’re not sure anyone else could stay in college for as long as he has and not be the son of a billionaire.

So here’s an image of another guy we thought would never graduate.

Only going to Duke saved him from being punched in the face on campus.

Enjoy.

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Let’s jump into the picks this week:

C Gally: 15 – 13 VT, one safety

G Way: 21 – 10 VT

Wright: 20 – 14 VT

Lady Wright: 21 – 7 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 29 – 16 UVA (hope you liked your time with us, Mr. Analyst)

The Bull: 17 – 14 VT

Meet Bag: 27 – 17 VT

B Dubs: 10 – 0 VT, pick 6

The D-i-P: 13- 10 VT

African Ambassador (now in Philly, much more dangerous): 16 – 6 VT, no offensive touchdowns

Newcomer Bobby P: 17 – 6 VT, one defensive touchdown

Papa Gally: 28 – 7 VT, 3bks

We go back to our old friend, UVA graduate school alum, prior predictor, and overall turd sandwich BK to give us a prediction of 14 – 10 Hokies. He claims that the first five minutes of Role Models will be more entertaining than the entire game. Not having seen the movie, we can’t say we disagree.

Good luck to everyone. I’m pretty sure I’m winning this week.

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Father Karras rocked the house last week. Not his fault Voldemort can’t get the offense to read above a 10th grade level.

And we hate UVA. I mean, everything about them. We can go on and on about Zima and pretty drinks and all that. But we’re better than that.

We could make our hero some kind of non-Smirnoff Ice beverage. But that’s just two easy.

This is too important. We need to make it happen.

Where do we go?

We go with someone that gets things done, even if it’s not conventional. Sound familiar?

You guessed it.

James Bond from Casino Royale.

Bad. Ass.

GO HOKIES!!

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News, Notes, and Taco Bell

November 21, 2008
With the Georgia Tech win over Miami last night, something utterly ridiculous happened.
Virginia Tech now controls their own destiny.
No. That is not a joke.
If we beat Duke and UVA, we are in the ACC Championship.
Get your bomb shelter ready. The world is about to asplode.
Now, the chances of this team actually taking care of business is slim, even approaching zero percent. But as Lloyd so eloquently put it:

So you’re telling me there’s a chance!!

Jersey?
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We’d also like to address another portion of what some of the players have been saying.
This is from offensive lineman Nick Marshman:

“He spends time in here nonstop watching film, getting us ready. People sit on blogs and try to say what they know and all that, but ultimately they don’t understand what it takes to be a college coach, staying in here late, not being with your family. That’s what he does for us. He loves us all like sons. He wants to see us do good. He wants to see us win. He gives up time with his own family to be here and watch film with us.”

Do we think he’s calling us out? Of course not. We’re fairly certain only our mothers and girlfriends (if we had any) are the only ones reading this site.
But he is missing the point of all of our arguments. We know Voldemort is a good guy. He’s probably a pleasure to be around, and we’re sure he works much harder at his job than we do at ours.
The problem lies in the fact that his job is being the offensive coordinator at a big time college football program. It’s great that you work hard, but if you can’t get it done then you can’t get it done.
It’s not like any of us could do better. Hell, we just learned an NFL game could end in a tie. But we know how to read results. And the numbers do not bear any resemblance to success.
We don’t wish any ill will to him. We would just like to see him not be our offensive coordinator any more.
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So why the Taco Bell? Well, for no reason other than it is awesome. The only excuse to leave a bar prior to last call is to make it to the TB drive-thru.

They have to put it in an f’ing box to contain the awesomeness.

This box would be better.

Bring it.
VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

Go Hokies!!!

Game 11: Take out all of your frustrations on some trust fund babies.

November 20, 2008
We are going to go ahead and gloss over that Miami loss. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions, kidnapping plots, etc. can be found in our previous post.

The game was worse than when we forgot how to sit down.

It’s that time of year again kids. The annual drubbing of Duke.

We know that they beat UVA and are better this year than usual. We know we kind of suck and forgot that they allowed forward passes back in the 30’s. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s the Saturday before Thanksgiving break and not everyone will be there. The UVA game next week is also a deterrent. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s our first cold weather game, and we tend to suck in those. Don’t ask us why, but it always seems to go down that way. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is still calling the shots on offense, which means we’re pretty much screwed. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES is interviewing for a much deserved job at Clemson, and the defense may be a little distracted. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.*

*more on this later…

Christ, there are a lot of things going against us….

There is nothing about this game that makes us feel comfortable. We’ve lost to Temple at home before, and another game like that is certainly not out of the question.

Duke is quite the conundrum. With wins over Navy, Virginia, and Vanderbilt, and tough losses to Wake Forest in OT and Northwestern, they have a decent resume (compared to prior seasons, anyways). They also rank 3rd in the ACC for passing, which does not bode well for the Hokies. We rank 10th in the conference for passing defense.

That paragraph was the most statistical research we’ve done for any game ever. Now here’s a file photo of Brady Quinn:

There are no words to describe how awesome it is that this picture exists.

We hate to say it, but if there was a year for an upset to happen, it’s this one.

Which is all the more reason to fill the stadium and get as loud as the Maryland game. Just picture J.J. Redick, WoJo, and the other 500 annoying white basketball players that have gone through that school.

Let the hate flow through you.

Once again, we always have a photo for that extra bit of encouragement.

We actually broke a coffee table when this happened.

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Oh, but how can we have it loud? The Duke game’s always a noon game so… WHAAAAAAAAAAA??? 5:30?!?! Thank the good lord.

It truly is the perfect game time. Plenty of tailgate time. Kickoff will be right at dark. And the game will be over with plenty of time to get downtown and ogle yourself some freshmen before 2 am.

So get ready for a possibly competitive, no doubt frustrating home game against Duke. At the very least, you know the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is more likely to be fired if we suck.

Which we won’t.

GO HOKIES!!!!

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*so about that star…

We have no clue as to what is going on with Bud “The Man” Foster. Our thinking? No one really actually knows, and a lot of hearsay is out there. That said, we’re going to spread some of the hearsay.

Our sources tell us that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES has been lined up as the next head coach here in Hokieland. If this is true, this truly kills two birds with one stone: he’s more likely to stay and the Coach Who Must Not Be Named won’t be getting that job.

Speaking of Voldemort, the fellas over at Fire the Coach Who Must Not Be Named had a great find. From the mouth of straight-up pimp Purnell Sturdivant:

“Pretty much every team we face this year knows what we’re going to do” on offense, Sturdivant said. “I have a couple friends at Carolina, a couple friends at N.C. State, things like that, they’re pretty much just calling out the plays that we’re going to run on offense. Our offense is pretty much predictable. You know what you’re going to see each and every week.” Asked whether he thought Stinespring should go, Sturdivant said: “That’s a hard one.” But he added that he didn’t think the outside criticism was unfair.“Yeah, I can definitely see where they’re coming from,” Sturdivant said of the critics.

AWKWARD…

It’s almost like his hard work all year is being wasted by a terrible coach.

Note: Purnell’s use of the coach’s name is no reflection of the views of The North End Zone.

VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

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You know what time it is.

Once again, the Bull pulls out another prediction win. But with a loss like that, no one cares.

The prize? The Bull is the lucky winner of being able to host your humble editor for a weekend of debauchery in the ‘Burg!!!

File photo

Have fun with that.

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So let’s roll into this week’s picks:

C Gally: 30 – 9 VT, 10 field goals by The Closer.

The Bull: 26 – 6 VT

The Northerner: From the ranting, I was able to gather 28 – 10 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 38 – 6 VT

The DiP: 19 – 10 VT

Meet Bag: 34 – 13 VT

Wright: 27 – 13 VT

Lady Wright: 27 – 7 VT

G Way: 17 – 3 VT

B Dubs: 42 – 38 VT

Poppa Gally: 35 – 6 VT… you guessed it: 3 blocks

And our guest away team prediction comes from one of Meet Bag’s friends. Well, his only friend, really. We have no information other than he went to Duke, so we will assume it is JJ Redick: 27 – 24 Duke.

In a rare doube-up, our friend Fraker’s pop actually taught at Duke. He’s clearly a Hokie though: Poppa Fraker takes the Hokies by 7.

Good luck all.

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Corey Moore didn’t work? Are you serious? I guess nothing can overcome an offense run by Michael Scott.

So where do we go this week? We could go with Deron, as he has always been a Duke killer.

We could go with Coach K, as he has pretty much decimated any chance the football team has of succeeding.

But no, we have to go with a true devil fighter.

You guessed it.

Father Karras from the Exorcist.

He needs to tell our Offensive Coordinator to quit. “The power of Christ compels you!!”

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

Bryan Stinespring: Bad Coordinator, or WORST COORDINATOR EVER??

November 15, 2008
Somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout.
But there is no joy in Blacksburg,
Mr. Stinespring’s gotta be out.

Warning: This post contains possibly harmful amounts of anger, hate, and rage. Proceed at your own risk.

Where to begin? Where oh where to begin?

This may come as a surprise, but we are not football experts here at The North End Zone. We know we like football, and that’s good enough for us.

But sweet baby James what the hell was that pitifulness put on display on Thursday night?? Anyone?

Our offense appears to be run by one of those old time computers that could only be used by punch cards… or A.W.E.S.O.M.E.-O.

Bryan Stinespring is awful at his job. One of the worst we’ve ever seen. If we performed like that at our job, we’d be fired faster than Ryan “Fired Guy” Howard.

We’re not saying we could do better. Again, we don’t know football that well. But let’s look at the facts, shall we?

There are 119 college football teams in Division 1-A. You know where we rank in offense? 109th. Just ahead of San Jose State and Syracuse. San Jose isn’t even a state. Hell, we are last in the ACC in offense. Last in the worst conference in the world.

We’d like to say it’s a fluke. That we lost a ton of guys and are really young. But that would be a lie. Our rankings for yards per game since 2003:
2007 – 100th
2006 – 97th
2005 – 57th (wooooooooo!)
2004 – 69th
2003 – 69th (at least we’re consistent)

Check it out kids.

And we want to be an elite program? Are you kidding? Light years away.

Oh, and the possibility of Bud Foster leaving? You’re damn right he should leave. If you did nothing but do wonders at your job, only to see the other side of the team consistently blow games, why in the world would you stay? If Bud Foster was the defensive coach at USC, he wins 3 titles in 5 years.

Make no mistake, WHEN he leaves, we become straight up mediocre. I hope you like all that success Maryland is having, because that’s us, folks.

Stinespring has to be fired, right? I mean, there is ZERO proof that he his doing the job he was hired for. Wasn’t this kind of thing covered when congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley?

Yes, that was a Sarbanes-Oxley joke. Cherish.

But there is hope, people. There is a movement beginning. From the blog to the Facebook group.

As Abe Lincoln once said, “Any fanbase anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing incompetent coaching staff, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate Hokie Nation.”

The movement is growing. Bring signs. Paint sidewalks. Pay for one of those flyover ad things they have at the beach. VIVA REVOLUTION!!!

Game 10: Miami Hurricanes both suck and blow

November 13, 2008
Even though we technically gave our Maryland recap, we will admit it was maybe a little concise. Even for our standards. So here goes.

In a word:

Once again, it is confirmed that there is NOTHING like a Thursday night in Blacksburg. The atmosphere was electric. It was amazing to watch. Well done, Hokie Nation.

So what went so right this game? Plainly put, our offense had to use a different game plan than our usual suck.

We were changing things up. Using different formations. It was a thing of beauty.

Granted, we still only scored 23 points, but with this offense, that’s something to write home about.

And Evans? Pssh, straight rolling. Dude is trucking people like it’s his job. In the words of Rube Baker, “You’re on the tracks and the train’s coming through, butthead.”

His shimmy makes girls in Blacksburg go wild.

We’ve already covered Boone extensively. We’re pretty sure he’s the best QB we’ve had under center since….

We could be about the 37th person to call the crazy formation the Wild Turkey and suggest you take a shot of the namesake whenever you see it used. But if you think this will make you forget how bad the offense looks, well you’d probably be correct.

Glennon played ok, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO. Just don’t screw it up man, that’s all we ask. We’re not asking you to save the world. We have Al Gore for that.

The defense was stellar again. 13 points. We’ll take it every time. Sorry your back is hurting, Coach Foster. It’s quite a heavy load Mr. Stinespring heaps upon you.

A few more dumb penalties than we’d like to see, but we fought through.

So until next time Maryland, take care. We’ll be back to beat you in basketball soon enough.

We’re better than you in both.

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So on to this week.

We know Miami is down and everything, but good lord, we still hate them with the fire of 1,000 suns.

Every player. Every coach. Every fan. Everyone ever involved in the program. Nothing but hate for ya’ll

And this game could not be bigger. This is the key to the Coastal Division. We win, we still have to win our last two. But if we lose? It’s over folks. Say hello to a bowl somewhere between the Gator Bowl, Chick-fil-a Bowl, or some dot-com bowl.

This team is a little like us. Same record. Same bad losses. Same decent wins. They are just much more douchey.

Expect a close, hard hitting game with many ups and downs. We’re kind of awful on the road this year, so prepare to be frustrated. The best cure for that would be a better offense, but a more practical cure is more alcohol.

At least two players have a history together. It seems that Cam Chancellor and Miami QB Robert Marve used to play peewee’s together. Marve was a kick returner back then. We have uncovered the exclusive video.

Oh, then there was this:

Best. Picture. Ever.

Nothing but hate.

GO HOKIES!!!

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Let’s hit up those crazy predictions.


Last week resulted in a tie between The Bull and The Northerner, both only off by 4 points. They mud wrestled to break the tie, and everyone watching lost.

To celebrate the victory over the turtles, you’re trophy is a copy of the original NES Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game.

Speaking of blowing…

We don’t care who gets to keep it. You’ll both die as soon as you get to the water level anyways.

Harder than Intermediate Accounting.

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Now let’s hit up this week:

C Gally: 22 – 19 VT (Does any one else notice how terrible I am at this?)

The Northerner: 24 – 13 VT

The Bull: 20 – 14 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 23 – 14 VT while really stretching to say it will be a boring game.

Wright: 21 – 20 VT

Lady Wright: 21 – 10 VT

B-Dubs: 24 – 14 VT

G Way: 20 – 13 VT

The DiP: 23 – 17 VT

Maniak: 24 – 13 VT

Poppa Gally: 27 – 6 VT, and you know the drill. If Tech blocks 3 kicks, the bar is drinking on me.

And our guest visitor for this week is Maniak’s Miami alumni boss. Without knowing anything about him, we have already established the hate. However, his very honest prediction of 20 – 10 VT does show some promise.

Good luck to everyone named C Gally.

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Did anyone not think Bullitt was going to come through for us? Hell no. We don’t even know why they play the game. It was over when we clicked “Post”.

And once again, the game gets bigger. But where do we go from here?

We go back to the reason your humble editor attended Virginia Tech. 1999 Miami game. After going down 10 – 0, Tech rattled off 43 straight points and went on to an undefeated season. It was a night game. I was a sophomore in high school and knew where I was going to college. It was a good feeling.

And who from that team is the greatest football player to ever set foot on Worsham Field?

You guessed it.

Corey Moore

The guy defines Hokie football. He also loves beating Miami. His first names is not only awesome, but spelled correctly.

LET GO HOKIES!!!!

Maryland Game 9 recap

November 8, 2008
You want a recap of that awesomeness? Go to ESPN.
We just spent today working while hungover, thank you very much Charlie Daniels karoake.
Some thoughts on last night’s game?
Only one:
Greg Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooone

We are on the crab.

That is all.

GO HOKIES!!!

Was there any doubt?

Whaaa…. Where are we? Oh, games 8 and 9.

November 6, 2008
Did something happen 2 weeks ago? We’re not quite sure. We think there was some sort of game, but that was probably just a dream.

Not quite though. Kind of a nightmare.

Seriously, we might not win another game. We’re not usually pessimistic. But there is certainly a better than 10% chance we lose to every opponent we play.

There’s not too many thoughts over here. You know, other than anger. Unbridled anger only a bad sports team could give to a person. Though we’re pretty sure that doesn’t count as a thought.

I mean, what can you say? Cory Holt? Dude doesn’t even spell “Corey” right. How can he possibly quarterback a winning team with Stinespring as a coach?

We’ll tell you how: Thursday night in Blacksburg.

That’s right. We’re still picking us to win out, take our Division, and beat some Eagle f’ers in front of 27 of their fans down in Florida again.

See, after this game, we’ll be healthy again. I don’t care what the medical staff says. What do they know? They’re just doctors.

If you get the reference, you can be our friends.

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As for this upcoming game, it’s certainly not going to be easy. The Twerps are actually good (shocking, we know). Though they tend to play to the level of their opponent. Read into that however you want, but it most likely means a close game.

And we know what you’re expecting here. Some sort of “Friedgen is fat” joke. But no. We’re bigger than that. We don’t want to bite off more than we can chew. The consequences could be HUGE. But we won’t go there.

Instead we’ll show you the best Halloween costume ever:

It was much better than this tool bag.

We work hard. We play hard.

We have a great chance in this game, if only because it’s Thursday night in Blacksburg. If the special teams can do ANYTHING right, we’ll win by 50.

Our home crowd now becomes the most important player on our team. It’s really the only thing we can rely on.

Just remember kids, the best way to spread Hokie cheer is screaming loud for all to hear.

Corniest thing we’ve ever written.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

(Hero, after the predictions. I don’t know why I write this anymore)

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Predictions

Last week, we had a tie between Wright and the CMU Football Analyst for the closest. They both picked FSU to win, so here’s your trophy guys.

Try not to pawn that baby too soon.

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Now, on to this week:

CGally: 35 – 14 VT, eleven field goals and a safety.

CMU Football Analyst: 31 – 24, VT

The Northerner: 27 – 13 VT, halftime show will be Friedgen v. Mangino: jell-o match. Winner eats loser. (we’re all losers in that one)

Wright: 21 – 20 VT

Lady Wright: 31 – 28 VT

Maniak: 28 – 9 VT

The DiP: He submitted a bunch based on the qb starting. Luckily he’s a toolbag, so we’ll say he’s going with 20 – 17 VT.

B-Dubs: 19 – 14 VT

Meet Bag: 30 – 24 VT

The Bull: 23 – 17 VT

Poppa Gally: 9 – 6 VT

We will also be adding a new Fan of the Other Team Prediction.

So here is BK, an avid Terp fan, friend of your humble editor, and overall turd sandwich: 9 – 8 Maryland.

He added some stuff about the Vicks, to which we went, “Who?”

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Our heroes are just sucking lately. Ponce de Leon? Whose crack ass idea was that?

No messing around this week though. We’ve pulled out all the stops.

We need to get some cool back. There are a few things truly cool about Tech. Mike’s burgers are cool. Basketball games against Duke and UNC are cool. My senior year apartment is cool (in the winter). And Thursday night football games at home are ultra-cool.

So we need the coolest man of all time. The top dog.

You guessed it.

Steve McQueen

Best Great Escape pun gets their own trophy.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!