Archive for the ‘Viva Revolution’ Category

News, Notes, and Taco Bell

November 21, 2008
With the Georgia Tech win over Miami last night, something utterly ridiculous happened.
Virginia Tech now controls their own destiny.
No. That is not a joke.
If we beat Duke and UVA, we are in the ACC Championship.
Get your bomb shelter ready. The world is about to asplode.
Now, the chances of this team actually taking care of business is slim, even approaching zero percent. But as Lloyd so eloquently put it:

So you’re telling me there’s a chance!!

We’d also like to address another portion of what some of the players have been saying.
This is from offensive lineman Nick Marshman:

“He spends time in here nonstop watching film, getting us ready. People sit on blogs and try to say what they know and all that, but ultimately they don’t understand what it takes to be a college coach, staying in here late, not being with your family. That’s what he does for us. He loves us all like sons. He wants to see us do good. He wants to see us win. He gives up time with his own family to be here and watch film with us.”

Do we think he’s calling us out? Of course not. We’re fairly certain only our mothers and girlfriends (if we had any) are the only ones reading this site.
But he is missing the point of all of our arguments. We know Voldemort is a good guy. He’s probably a pleasure to be around, and we’re sure he works much harder at his job than we do at ours.
The problem lies in the fact that his job is being the offensive coordinator at a big time college football program. It’s great that you work hard, but if you can’t get it done then you can’t get it done.
It’s not like any of us could do better. Hell, we just learned an NFL game could end in a tie. But we know how to read results. And the numbers do not bear any resemblance to success.
We don’t wish any ill will to him. We would just like to see him not be our offensive coordinator any more.
So why the Taco Bell? Well, for no reason other than it is awesome. The only excuse to leave a bar prior to last call is to make it to the TB drive-thru.

They have to put it in an f’ing box to contain the awesomeness.

This box would be better.

Bring it.

Go Hokies!!!

Game 11: Take out all of your frustrations on some trust fund babies.

November 20, 2008
We are going to go ahead and gloss over that Miami loss. Any thoughts, feelings, emotions, kidnapping plots, etc. can be found in our previous post.

The game was worse than when we forgot how to sit down.

It’s that time of year again kids. The annual drubbing of Duke.

We know that they beat UVA and are better this year than usual. We know we kind of suck and forgot that they allowed forward passes back in the 30’s. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s the Saturday before Thanksgiving break and not everyone will be there. The UVA game next week is also a deterrent. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know it’s our first cold weather game, and we tend to suck in those. Don’t ask us why, but it always seems to go down that way. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is still calling the shots on offense, which means we’re pretty much screwed. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.

We know that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES is interviewing for a much deserved job at Clemson, and the defense may be a little distracted. But it’s still Duke. And, well, Duke just kind of sucks.*

*more on this later…

Christ, there are a lot of things going against us….

There is nothing about this game that makes us feel comfortable. We’ve lost to Temple at home before, and another game like that is certainly not out of the question.

Duke is quite the conundrum. With wins over Navy, Virginia, and Vanderbilt, and tough losses to Wake Forest in OT and Northwestern, they have a decent resume (compared to prior seasons, anyways). They also rank 3rd in the ACC for passing, which does not bode well for the Hokies. We rank 10th in the conference for passing defense.

That paragraph was the most statistical research we’ve done for any game ever. Now here’s a file photo of Brady Quinn:

There are no words to describe how awesome it is that this picture exists.

We hate to say it, but if there was a year for an upset to happen, it’s this one.

Which is all the more reason to fill the stadium and get as loud as the Maryland game. Just picture J.J. Redick, WoJo, and the other 500 annoying white basketball players that have gone through that school.

Let the hate flow through you.

Once again, we always have a photo for that extra bit of encouragement.

We actually broke a coffee table when this happened.


Oh, but how can we have it loud? The Duke game’s always a noon game so… WHAAAAAAAAAAA??? 5:30?!?! Thank the good lord.

It truly is the perfect game time. Plenty of tailgate time. Kickoff will be right at dark. And the game will be over with plenty of time to get downtown and ogle yourself some freshmen before 2 am.

So get ready for a possibly competitive, no doubt frustrating home game against Duke. At the very least, you know the Coach Who Must Not Be Named is more likely to be fired if we suck.

Which we won’t.



*so about that star…

We have no clue as to what is going on with Bud “The Man” Foster. Our thinking? No one really actually knows, and a lot of hearsay is out there. That said, we’re going to spread some of the hearsay.

Our sources tell us that the GREATEST COACH TO EVER GRACE THE WORSHMAN FIELD SIDELINES has been lined up as the next head coach here in Hokieland. If this is true, this truly kills two birds with one stone: he’s more likely to stay and the Coach Who Must Not Be Named won’t be getting that job.

Speaking of Voldemort, the fellas over at Fire the Coach Who Must Not Be Named had a great find. From the mouth of straight-up pimp Purnell Sturdivant:

“Pretty much every team we face this year knows what we’re going to do” on offense, Sturdivant said. “I have a couple friends at Carolina, a couple friends at N.C. State, things like that, they’re pretty much just calling out the plays that we’re going to run on offense. Our offense is pretty much predictable. You know what you’re going to see each and every week.” Asked whether he thought Stinespring should go, Sturdivant said: “That’s a hard one.” But he added that he didn’t think the outside criticism was unfair.“Yeah, I can definitely see where they’re coming from,” Sturdivant said of the critics.


It’s almost like his hard work all year is being wasted by a terrible coach.

Note: Purnell’s use of the coach’s name is no reflection of the views of The North End Zone.



You know what time it is.

Once again, the Bull pulls out another prediction win. But with a loss like that, no one cares.

The prize? The Bull is the lucky winner of being able to host your humble editor for a weekend of debauchery in the ‘Burg!!!

File photo

Have fun with that.


So let’s roll into this week’s picks:

C Gally: 30 – 9 VT, 10 field goals by The Closer.

The Bull: 26 – 6 VT

The Northerner: From the ranting, I was able to gather 28 – 10 VT

CMU Football Analyst: 38 – 6 VT

The DiP: 19 – 10 VT

Meet Bag: 34 – 13 VT

Wright: 27 – 13 VT

Lady Wright: 27 – 7 VT

G Way: 17 – 3 VT

B Dubs: 42 – 38 VT

Poppa Gally: 35 – 6 VT… you guessed it: 3 blocks

And our guest away team prediction comes from one of Meet Bag’s friends. Well, his only friend, really. We have no information other than he went to Duke, so we will assume it is JJ Redick: 27 – 24 Duke.

In a rare doube-up, our friend Fraker’s pop actually taught at Duke. He’s clearly a Hokie though: Poppa Fraker takes the Hokies by 7.

Good luck all.


Corey Moore didn’t work? Are you serious? I guess nothing can overcome an offense run by Michael Scott.

So where do we go this week? We could go with Deron, as he has always been a Duke killer.

We could go with Coach K, as he has pretty much decimated any chance the football team has of succeeding.

But no, we have to go with a true devil fighter.

You guessed it.

Father Karras from the Exorcist.

He needs to tell our Offensive Coordinator to quit. “The power of Christ compels you!!”


Bryan Stinespring: Bad Coordinator, or WORST COORDINATOR EVER??

November 15, 2008
Somewhere men are laughing,
and somewhere children shout.
But there is no joy in Blacksburg,
Mr. Stinespring’s gotta be out.

Warning: This post contains possibly harmful amounts of anger, hate, and rage. Proceed at your own risk.

Where to begin? Where oh where to begin?

This may come as a surprise, but we are not football experts here at The North End Zone. We know we like football, and that’s good enough for us.

But sweet baby James what the hell was that pitifulness put on display on Thursday night?? Anyone?

Our offense appears to be run by one of those old time computers that could only be used by punch cards… or A.W.E.S.O.M.E.-O.

Bryan Stinespring is awful at his job. One of the worst we’ve ever seen. If we performed like that at our job, we’d be fired faster than Ryan “Fired Guy” Howard.

We’re not saying we could do better. Again, we don’t know football that well. But let’s look at the facts, shall we?

There are 119 college football teams in Division 1-A. You know where we rank in offense? 109th. Just ahead of San Jose State and Syracuse. San Jose isn’t even a state. Hell, we are last in the ACC in offense. Last in the worst conference in the world.

We’d like to say it’s a fluke. That we lost a ton of guys and are really young. But that would be a lie. Our rankings for yards per game since 2003:
2007 – 100th
2006 – 97th
2005 – 57th (wooooooooo!)
2004 – 69th
2003 – 69th (at least we’re consistent)

Check it out kids.

And we want to be an elite program? Are you kidding? Light years away.

Oh, and the possibility of Bud Foster leaving? You’re damn right he should leave. If you did nothing but do wonders at your job, only to see the other side of the team consistently blow games, why in the world would you stay? If Bud Foster was the defensive coach at USC, he wins 3 titles in 5 years.

Make no mistake, WHEN he leaves, we become straight up mediocre. I hope you like all that success Maryland is having, because that’s us, folks.

Stinespring has to be fired, right? I mean, there is ZERO proof that he his doing the job he was hired for. Wasn’t this kind of thing covered when congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley?

Yes, that was a Sarbanes-Oxley joke. Cherish.

But there is hope, people. There is a movement beginning. From the blog to the Facebook group.

As Abe Lincoln once said, “Any fanbase anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing incompetent coaching staff, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate Hokie Nation.”

The movement is growing. Bring signs. Paint sidewalks. Pay for one of those flyover ad things they have at the beach. VIVA REVOLUTION!!!