Archive for the ‘NHL Playoffs’ Category

Weekend Recap: WOOOOOOO Version

June 15, 2009

The N allowed a special exemption to have your humble editor to jump on the weekend recap. I apologize for the delay, but I doubt any letters will reach our inbox. (If you feel like writing, please use as many curse words as possible, and write in all caps.)

Onto this weekend, not that anything special happened. Except for…

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Yes, my beloved Penguins did what many deemed impossible. Sidney, Geno, and everyone else FINALLY got that Stanley Cup they’ve waited 5 years to hoist. There will clearly be a more substantial post on the accomplishment at a later time. But I don’t see how anyone that watched the last period can possibly say they can’t get into hockey. I know it was my team and all, but good lord. A crossbar to keep the lead in game 7 with 2 minutes left? Dead people had heart attacks watching that. And Hossa? You know I kinda feel ba… BAAAAAAAAH. His tears sustain me. Again, much, much more to come.

Another Championship. There was some sort of basketball contest or something this weekend too. We know we give the NBA a pretty big snub here, but we can say succinctly that we hate the Lakers. Thus, this series gets a big “whatevs” from us. Maybe if Penny Hardaway was still on the Magic, we would have paid attention. But those 4th quarters were unbearable. I’ve seen less timeouts at a daycare.

The final nail in the coffin for Detroit. Bill Laimbeer resigns as coach of WNBA’s Detroit Shock. Adjust your WNBA Fantasy Coach lineup accordingly.

Less important news than the WNBA… The Plaxico hearing has been delayed until September, which likely means he will not be playing football this season. The real lesson here is simple kids: buy a freaking holster, right? We’re not sure how this affects the Giants as a football team, but boy is Tom Coughlin’s face red ba-dum-ching. They’ll still beat the Redskins, have no fear.


To be honest, that’s all I could find while at work today. It seemed to be a slow sports weekend other than the two championships. It may also be because I just woke up from Friday night. Anyone seen my pants?

Stanley Cup Finals: Game 7

June 12, 2009
Our household has viewed over 100 Penguin games this season. We’ve gone through 6 kegs during the playoffs alone. Our livers are shot. Our nerves are frazzled. Our hearts can’t really take any more of this.
This is the Superbowl. This is the National Championship. Having one game to decide everything is the greatest invention man has had since 10-cent taco nights.
I want to thank everyone reading this site for letting me drag you into all of this. I can’t even put into words how much fun this run has been. The best way to tell is that I’m usually not in very good shape after each game. I’d post about how exciting each game was, but I’d probably fall asleep at the keyboard.
This game could very well define Crosby’s career. No, one cup doesn’t define anything forever. But a huge game seven will be pretty epic. Also, he’s like 17, so he has a lot of hockey to play.
I’ve lost track of which heroes have worked for hockey, so I’m going to post what is now my favorite picture. They have just ruled that the Santonio catch was a touchdown:

Unbridled joy.

One last time…


Must Win 2.0

June 4, 2009
And here we are again. Pittsburgh – Detroit, game 4. The exact same storyline from a year ago. Pittsburgh wins, the series is wide open. Detroit wins and it’s pretty much over. The only difference is that this time around, Hossa’s a douche.
After almost 2 months of drinking our faces off every other night, tonight’s game is do or die for the entire season.

Are the refs going to call interference penaltys on Detroit? Can Crosby figure what the hell is wrong with him? Is Chris Osgood still going to be a tool bag?

One of those is certain to happen. The other two are yet to be seen.

8 pm. Versus.

Kick the tires and light the fires, it’s a hockey night in Pittsburgh!!

Do it.

Did you say "over"??

June 2, 2009
In a span of 27 hours, the Penguins took us from super pumped to pretty bummed. You’re kidding yourself if you think I’m going to offer any analysis on the games.
But game 3 is back at the Mellon, and we’ve seen this fish before. Ask the Caps how strong they feel about a 2-0 lead. (Granted, Detroit has more than a cherry-picking superstar on their roster.)
But make no mistake. This is a must-win game.

And I could be stereotypical and throw up a corny, overused inspirational video, but The North End Zone is better than that.
Oh wait, we’re not? Well, f*ck it then:

Bluto’s Speech

Hero me down one time.

Do it.


May 27, 2009

Spit shine your shoes, we’re going dancing with Lord Stanley.

Yes, the Penguins completed their sweep of the lowly Carolina Hurricanes last night. Bill Cowher did some kind of pump up thing for the Hurricanes before the game. It was pretty douchey, but he won us a Superbowl so whatevs.

After the third goal, which more or less iced the game, the Penguins coach celebrated by blinking a few times. The guy is the white Mike Tomlin. He hasn’t smiled since grade school.
Upon arriving home, a gchat conversation went as follows:
  • Ryan: wooooooooooooooo
  • Me: woooooooooooooo
  • Ryan: welp, see ya later
So, who’s excited about the Stanley Cup Finals?

Ruslan is.


Hat Trickeration

May 22, 2009
Bitch, please.
Last night was not the best night for someone to go with Evgeni Malkin for Penguins drinking. Three full beers (one for each goal) and a shot of Red Label (for the hat trick) and our Rock Band drummer couldn’t keep the beat to Ol’ Suzanna.

Malkin put in three as the Pens won in the closest 7-4 game in history. He also caused 26 premature births in the Pittsburgh area when he scored this unreal goal:

As usual, things got a little chippy near the end. From the looks of things, Miroslav Satan seems to be enjoying himself.

Now its off to Raleigh, up 2-0. I’d feel more confident about this if I didn’t just witness a 2-0 lead evaporate.

In less important news, Detroit is also up 2-0 heading to Chicago. They still have Hossa, who is still a douche.

A house prepares their livers for another playoff series…

May 18, 2009
Yes, the house’s kegerator (Sig, as we call him) is once again stocked as a new round of the NHL playoffs descends upon us. Does anyone out there care? Probably not. But we like to brag about our abilities to drink heavily on Mondays, and by God we’re going to do it.
The Penguins take on Carolina tonight in game one of the Eastern Conference finals. As I already hate one team named the Hurricanes, I’ve found it fairly easy to get pumped for this series.

There’s a few plot lines here:
  • Two Staal brothers are playing against each other. But since there’s 15 Staal brothers in the league, it really shouldn’t be too big of a deal.
  • Brooks Orpik for the Penguins broke some guys’ neck on the Canes a while back. I’m sure all is forgiven and they play poker every Thursday.
  • A team from the South has a chance to win the Stanley Cup… again. When will this stop?
We’re working on the assumption that The N is rooting for his once glorious Whalers. Also, he hates me.

In the West, where God doesn’t pay attention, the Red Wings rolled the Blackhawks in game 1. Whatevs.

We need to take care of business professionally.

Go Pens

So it’s come to this: Pens-Caps to decide fate of the world

May 13, 2009
You know what’s awesome? Game 7’s. You know what’s not awesome? Your team being in a game 7. We’ve needed a drink since about 7 pm yesterday, right around the time we woke up from the heartbreak of game 6.

If you haven’t watched any of this series, you have missed TNT levels of drama. We can’t implore you enough that you have to watch tonight. Though, based on our simulation via NHL ’94, the Penguins will win 16 – 7. At least we know it will be high scoring.

Your humble editor will be watching from a bar in Cleveland. Luckily, the city is 90% Steeler fans, so I’m pretty confident in finding a few Penguin supporters.

7pm on Versus.

Let’s kick the tires and light the fires! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


3 games series

May 9, 2009

/end gratuidous Penguins post…

Overtime means never having to say you’re sorry…

May 7, 2009
…for coming into work late.
Yes, hockey fans were treated to two overtime games last night. The Penguin-Caps game was one for the ages. A last minute (or two) goal, a long overtime session, and the greatest stunned picture of all time.

(He’s a ginger. He has no soul.)

The Caps are still up 2-1 with game 4 in Pittsburgh on Friday. Getcha popcorn ready.

We decided to play Rock Band instead of watch the rest of the Boston-Carolina game. I still stand by this decision. Carolina came out on top, putting them up 2-1.

Unlike the N, I am not rooting for Boston. It’s nothing personal. They are just really good at hockey and I don’t want the Penguins to play them. (Also, I hate the N, so I guess it’s kind of personal.)

In the Western Conference, Gordon Bombay has the Ducks up 2-1 on the Red Wings. And Vancouver is up 2-1 on Chicago. Oh, Canada! indeed.

Welcome to the middle of the NHL playoffs. Other than the first weekend of the NCAA tournament, you’d be hard pressed to find anything more exciting.