Archive for the ‘Pittsburgh Penguins’ Category

Stanley Cup Finals: Game 7

June 12, 2009
Our household has viewed over 100 Penguin games this season. We’ve gone through 6 kegs during the playoffs alone. Our livers are shot. Our nerves are frazzled. Our hearts can’t really take any more of this.
This is the Superbowl. This is the National Championship. Having one game to decide everything is the greatest invention man has had since 10-cent taco nights.
I want to thank everyone reading this site for letting me drag you into all of this. I can’t even put into words how much fun this run has been. The best way to tell is that I’m usually not in very good shape after each game. I’d post about how exciting each game was, but I’d probably fall asleep at the keyboard.
This game could very well define Crosby’s career. No, one cup doesn’t define anything forever. But a huge game seven will be pretty epic. Also, he’s like 17, so he has a lot of hockey to play.
I’ve lost track of which heroes have worked for hockey, so I’m going to post what is now my favorite picture. They have just ruled that the Santonio catch was a touchdown:

Unbridled joy.

One last time…

LET’S GO PENS!!!

Weekend recap

June 8, 2009

Wooo Wooooooooo… The Tardy Train is coming through! My B for making this little weekly shindig happen at lunchtime rather than with your 8th cup of coffee as is usual.

1. The Lakers have pulled ahead to 2-0 in the NBA Finals. The Magic have to turn it on or else no one, and I mean NO ONE, on ESPN will ever shut up about how awesome Kobe is.

2. Summer Bird upset Mine that Bird and Calvin Borel to win the Belmont on Saturday. Didn’t really watch it so I can’t give any first-hand reactions to it, but from what I saw of the people who did watch it, it was rather uninteresting and no one cared. I guess that’s what happens to a race when it proves to be meaningless and the sport relies upon meaningful races to draw a crowd other than degenerate gamblers.

3. The Penguins got housed on Saturday, losing 5-0 to the Red Wings. Detroit leads the series 3-2, and outlook is dismal for people in Carnegie’s City. Prepare for either crying, complaining and whining from CGally, or obnoxious “we are the champions” chants, cheers, and posts in the coming days.

4. Roger Federer beat some guy in the finals of the French Open to win the last major he needed to complete the cycle. Now that this guy is probably considered the best tennis player ever, or at least top 3, you would think he would be able to pull some crazy hot tail. Au contraire.

Now, I’m not saying she isn’t an attractive woman, and I’m sure she has a great personality, but this is hardly even registers on the WAG meter, and as said before, Federer is pretty much the greatest tennis player alive or dead. Just sayin’.

5. Last night, the Padres played (technically) a game against the D-Backs. I say technically because they ended up playing 18 innings, the last nine of which (i.e. a whole regulation length game) the D-Backs bullpen made the Padres go hitless. Yes, a 9-inning relief pitching no-hitter. And other than the last pitcher to go getting the win, there really is no stat that will sum up that amazing performance. Kind of a shame.

6. In more news of single-player domination of his sport, Tiger Tiger Woods Ya’ll won his 67th title with the the Memorial this weekend. He then took a practice round at Bethpage Black, the course where the US Open is being held. All this focus on Bethpage Black is making Bethpage Yellow green with envy. Ba dum dum. (yes there actually is a Yellow course. And a green, red, and blue course, too.)

Just finished my chicken parm sandwich for lunch. Don’t act like you’re not jealous. It was delicious.

Weekend recap

June 1, 2009

I spent the entire day in the city yesterday hanging out and drinking, so, needless to say, I’m effing exhausted and want to just go lay in bed all day today. But since I need a paycheck, here I am. Let’s get this over with ASAP.

1. The Penguins are sucking it hard with two losses to the Red Wings. Detroit now leads the series 2-0 and the penguins are left with a hope and a prayer. Crosby has been frustrated, both sexually and hockey-wise by the Red Wings, and he doesn’t know what to do. CGally has also been frustrated sexually and hockey-wise, but unlike Crosby, there is absolutely no chance that CGally is going to find his way out of the frustration anytime soon. Crosby at least has four games left.

2. The Magic have upended the Cavs to move onto the NBA Finals. Finally, there will be an end to all this LeBron/Kobe shit going on everywhere as well as the puppet nonsense on ESPN. Glad to see that the stupid analysts are so on top of things that they saw the Magic coming from the first round and predicted this upset as well as the last one against the Celtics. Oh wait, they didn’t because they are pretty much all former players who don’t belong in the booth. My b.

3. Rafael Nadal got ousted from the French Open for, like, the first time in the history of the French Open. Looks like this was the weekend for upsets.

4. Florida State played THE Ohio State University on Sunday in baseball. The final score was 37-6. The Seminoles were leading 35-0 in the fifth inning, and I think it’s safe to say that the Buckeyes won a moral victory by winning the last four innings 6-2. Too bad moral victories don’t mean jack squat, but hey, they take what they can get. Looks like the ACC is a powerhouse in another sport. Add that to… well we’re pretty good at football and basketball still. Powerhouse is an overrated term. On another note, BC lost 3-2 to Texas. What’s so special about that? The game lasted 25 innings. Two innings short of a three game series.

5. David Ortiz has been dropped down to 6th in the lineup for the first time since 2005. This has still not been helping him with his bat and at this point, a trip to the DL looks imminent if he can’t figure his shit out. Not really news that happened over the weekend, but I need an outlet.

6. In a display of pure athleticism, Janet (the Fiancee) finished her work for her Montessori teaching certificate this weekend and presented her projects like a champ on Sunday. She was dropping the competition like flies and is finally done with this damn class which sent her to Manhattan two Sundays a month at 6AM for the last year. In case you haven’t put two and two together, this is why we were drinking in the city yesterday. We went to Heidelberg on the upper east side, and if you ever make a trip to the City, I suggest you go there and get “Das Boot”. It’s real, the bubble actually does exist, and it’s a lot of beer. It’s totally worth it, too.

Swooosh

May 27, 2009

Spit shine your shoes, we’re going dancing with Lord Stanley.

Yes, the Penguins completed their sweep of the lowly Carolina Hurricanes last night. Bill Cowher did some kind of pump up thing for the Hurricanes before the game. It was pretty douchey, but he won us a Superbowl so whatevs.

After the third goal, which more or less iced the game, the Penguins coach celebrated by blinking a few times. The guy is the white Mike Tomlin. He hasn’t smiled since grade school.
Upon arriving home, a gchat conversation went as follows:
  • Ryan: wooooooooooooooo
  • Me: woooooooooooooo
  • Ryan: welp, see ya later
So, who’s excited about the Stanley Cup Finals?

Ruslan is.

GO PENS.

Weekend recap

May 26, 2009

This past weekend was chock full of awesome shit going down including, but not limited to, the fact that I went on a tour of Fenway Park, got to go inside the Monster, ate lunch with Jed Lowrie, took in two Sox games, watched some BP from behind the plate, and got to try on the 2004 and 2007 World Series rings as well as hold the trophies. As for the deal of the recap, I got roped into an important project as soon as I got into work, and just now am getting some break time. So here we go.

1. Helio Castroneves won the Indy 500 for the third time in his career. For a guy who just barely beat a tax evasion rap which would have sent him to the clink for roughly 6 years only a few weeks ago, I would say this a pretty nice comeback.

2. The Penguins now lead the Caps 3-0 in the series and can close it out tonight. Will they? Won’t they? All we know is that the Red Wings will probably win another Cup because they are straight up dominating the Blackhawks. The Pens look good, but they don’t look that good. And from that, we get a potential success story from a city that, no arguments, needs it. But no one will care anyways, because who the hell is still left in Detroit to root for the Red Wings. (also, they win the award for the grossest nickname in sports. look it up on urbandictionary.com if you don’t get it)

3. The Sox dropped two of three to the Mets this weekend, but it was OK, because they are the Mets and they are going to miss the playoffs yet again while we take the World Series for the 3rd time this decade. On a related note, I have come to the conclusion that New York fans are the worst fans in the world. Worse than Boston fans, worse than Philly fans (gasp!) and worse than Dallas fans. They are the most fairweathered, in-your-face-when-we’re-winning, start-shit-with-people-for-no-reason, obnoxious and trashy fans out there. Go to a New York sporting event and you will see exactly what I mean.

4. The Cavs and Lakers will be playing each other in the NBA Finals, just as everyone called at the beginning of the… what? The Lakers are tied up 2-2 and the Magic lead the Cavs 2-1? Damn, that sucks for you analysts out there who claimed these series’ were going to be easy wins.

5. Jose Canseco had his MMA debut and got his ass taken down in a swift minute seventeen when he fought a ginormous Korean named Hong Man Choi. Choi dropped Canseco to the mat and went to town on his head forcing the refs to call the fight while it was still in the first round. Guess Canseco will really stop at nothing to keep himself in the spotlight, or is it that he’s as broke as Lenny Dykstra? A little from Column A, a little from Column B.

6. Cornell knocked off UVa (yay!) to take on Syracuse, who, for those of you who don’t know, is a friggin’ college lacrosse powerhouse. Cornell pulled the upset by being a five-seed to UVa’s two-seed, and led ‘Cuse all game long. That is until the Big Orange tied it up with 4 seconds left in the game. Then in overtime, Syracuse put the finishing move on Cornell and dropped one in to win 10-9. I tried to explain this to CGally, but for those of you who like hockey, you should really pay attention to lacrosse. It’s basically hockey in the air. The only difference is really the scoring, which may be a big deal, but the game is so fast and exciting, I’m willing to bet anyone watching it will be hooked immediately. There are few other sports where you can be down by five scores with less than a minute left and still win. I’ve seen it happen. Several times. Check it out. It’s worth it.

So there you go, hope you had a nice Memorial Day Weekend, and a few beers to help kick off summer.

Just make sure he’s still breathing

May 12, 2009

In case you see CGally sometime in the next 24 hours, just do as the header says and make sure the kid is still breathing. He can stay laying on the couch in a puddle of his own bodily waste, but check to make sure there is air going in and out. That shit last night was a heartbreaker. I’ve never heard an arena/stadium go that quiet that quickly in my life.

I’m guessing it’s safe to say we won’t be getting any posts from CGally today. You’re stuck with me again, suckers!

Weekend recap

May 11, 2009

This weekend was Mother’s Day, so I hope you all called your mom since she went through the trouble of sleeping with your dad and then pushing you out of her private region. That can’t be fun for anyone.

1. The Bruins finally woke the eff up and shutout the Hurricanes last night to make the series 3-2 in favor of Carolina. Let’s hope the Bruins keep this up, take the series back to Boston for game 6, and get down to this winning business. The losing joke isn’t funny anymore. Oh and Ward might be out due to a sucker punch which came because apparently Ward didn’t know that when you fight, people move their fists at your face in a fast motion. The Ward on the Bruins, not the Canes goalie. Damn.

The Penguins and Capitals have themselves involved in quite the catfight. The Pens are up 3-2 in the series, and the Capitals are looking to recoup and get revenge. Stay tuned to see how this turns out. (Spoiler alert: One of them wins.)

2. The Yankees beat the Orioles last night on Judas Damon’s three-run homer in the 7th. The score doesn’t matter. The big story of this game that has all of New York up in arms is that Aubrey Huff had the nerve, THE NERVE, to fist pump in Joba’s direction after he jacked one in the first. See, the overly excited fist pump in the opponents direction is Joba’s thing.

Now I know you guys are going to point out to me that Papelbon does the same thing when he gets the save and goes nuts and looks ridiculous, because that’s what you guys do, jerks. But I’m going to say this to preemptively rebut your argument. Papelbon is justified when he does it at home. He can do whatever the eff he wants when he does it at home. If he does it on the road (which he usually doesn’t) then he deserves to get his shit rocked.

Joba on the other hand, does it at home, on the road, in the locker room, at the bar, when he brings home a guy (yes in this joke Joba is gay), and after he brushes his teeth. He does it too much. He also did it last year when he struck out Aubrey Huff. (Note: Huff played on the Orioles last year, too. Wow, you struck out an Oriole. Good job.) So in my opinion, Huff was completely justified and gave the Orioles some street cred by throwing it in the face of the Bush League Wonder.

3. Tiger Woods is playing like crap (Tiger’s standards) and finished eighth in this weekend’s tourney. Something has got to be wrong with him. It could either be the fact that his knee isn’t back to full strength, he has some little pipsqueaks running around his house now, or his wife is insatiable and keeps sucking the energy from him on a daily basis. You be the judge.

4. The Celtics came out and evened the series against the gay-ly named Magic at two games apiece while the series moves back up to Beantown. Big Baby hit a jumper as time ran out to put the C’s up by one to end the game. Annnnnnd we’re done with basketball for this post.

5. Some tennis guy apparently did coke and got caught. His name is Richard Gasquet and he’s ranked 23rd. Now he’s banned and he denies doing coke, even though he had both pee tests come up positive. Someone needs to tell him to just come out and admit it, because cocaine isn’t like PEDs where there are several different things you could take grouped under a single name-umbrella. Coke is coke. You don’t take something from GNC or prescribed by your doctor and then suddenly see that “oh, shit, there was cocaine in that” when the test comes around. The only thing you can take to give a positive cocaine test is: Cocaine. Oh, he’s also French, and a douchnozzle.

6. The Jets, in a fully thought-out and highly intelligent move, are rumored to be going after free agent Adam Jones. That would be Adam “Pacman” Jones. Don’t worry, I have already said some prayers, lit some candles, slaughtered a baby goat and danced naked in the rain at exactly midnight to make sure this thing happens. Nothing would be better than to see all the hard work and smart moves the Jets have made thus far vanish in the stroke of a pen when the disease that is Pacman comes to their team. Keep your fingers crossed.

In honor of Mother’s Day, here is an instant classic from SNL:

3 games series

May 9, 2009

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
/end gratuidous Penguins post…

Things not looking good?

May 5, 2009

Since CGally hasn’t posted anything about this yet we’re going to assume that he is one of three options: 1) Hungover/still drunk to the extreme that he has slept the day away 2) Too depressed by the events that he is avoiding all contact with anything even remotely sports related or 3) Dead.

Hopefully it’s one of the first two.

Many of you may have caught the game between the Capitals and the Penguins last night. It was a barn burner. Sid the Kid gets a hat trick only to be out dueled by Ovechkin (who also got a hat trick) whose team ending up winning by one. This puts the Caps up in the series 2-0, and look ready to shut it down in the next two games if the Pens don’t get off their lazy asses and play like men.

I would never admit this to his ugly face, but I feel bad for CGally and hope the Penguins win this series if only for the two reasons that they would then play Boston in the next round and it would shut all the stupid frontrunning DC fans up until they can start complaining about the Redskins.

So pick it up Pittsburgh! Man up and score some goals. More than the other team. Get. It. Done.

Weekend recap

May 4, 2009

The fiancee had her second bridal shower this weekend, so I spent the last two days drinking at the bar at the restaurant the shower was at, and putting all the gifts away in our tiny ass apartment after. Needless to say I’m tired. Please forgive any rambling or sentences sense no make that.

1. Starting this all off with some playoff hockey: the Penguins lost to the Capitals. The Caps dominated the game, crushing the Pens 3-2. This one was in the bag for Washington the whole time. Pittsburgh had no chance against the mighty Caps and the score shows that.

Also the Bruins won one and lost one. As the previous post says, the loss comes from Cam Ward’s amazing game. Tim Thomas also had a not-so-good game, so I’m sure that helps.

2. The Kentucky Derby went on this weekend, and I don’t know if it was because I was busy or what, but I honestly couldn’t give two shits about it. A big long-shot won at 50-1 odds, and that horse was Mine That Bird. Mine That Bird is not fully expected to run in the Preakness, and being 50-1 odds in the Derby give evidence that we will more than likely not be getting a Triple Crown winner again this year. Despite the odds, though, Mine That Bird crushed the competition coming from the very back of the pack weaving his way to the front and then winning by about 6 1/2 lengths. I think that was a record or something. I don’t know. I’m miles away right now.

3. The Dallas Cowboys practice facility collapsed from the effects of a large powerful storm. Twelve people were hurt and they’re saying one might be paralyzed. No jokes here.

4. Carl f#%@ing Crawford embarrassed Jason Varitek this weekend by swiping 6 bases in the game on Sunday. This ties a major league record for stolen bases in a single game. I then had to hear about it from my cousins in Tampa who just recently decided to become Rays fans. I felt badly for awhile, but then remembered they lived in Tampa.

5. The Boston Celtics finally beat the Chicago Bulls in the seventh game of the series. This one the Celts won by 10 which was the biggest win of the entire series. No overtime this time, though the whole 7-gamer went to 7 total overtimes.

6. Manny Pacquiao literally beat the crap out of Ricky Hatton. Hatton was knocked down thrice in the match, and then finally, a dreammaker to his chin put him down for the night. Pacquiao is a small guy, but apparently he is fast and hits pretty hard. I wouldn’t want to eff with him. At this point, I also wouldn’t want to bet against him.