Archive for the ‘You can't beat Colbert’ Category

Game 4: UNC Preview and Predictions

September 19, 2008
If you are standing right now, sit down. (If you are standing and using a computer, buy a freaking chair.) There are some words that may be difficult to understand.

This weekend is… a big game against UNC.

That’s right. The new sexy pick for the Coastal Division gets their shot at the big boys. The Heels are playing their best football in 35 years. Tech lost 47 seniors. This is their shot.

But come on, UNC? Really? Bodog has the line at 3 points… in favor of the guys in gay blue.

Even Ryan Leaf thinks they are overrated.

It is super easy to find a picture of this guy pissed off.


Let’s talk douchebags coaches. Butch Davis. Douchebag. Coach. So here’s the analogy.

The sexy pick to win the AFC North this year: the Browns.

Butch Davis used to coach: the Browns.

Who was recently revealed as a clear pretender: the Browns.

Therefore, Tech will surely be victorious. I mean, the guy used to coach the f’ing Browns. You don’t come back from that.

On top of that, who has UNC beat? Wow, they beat Rutgers on national TV. Rutgers is the biggest non-story in college football in the past ten years. Two wins does not make you relevant.

Greg is smiling waaaaay too much for a guy holding a trophy that features a maple leaf.


ESPN says that UNC plans to make us pass. Genius plan there guys. I’m sure Georgia Tech planned to stop our incredible air attack.

The Heels’ run defense is giving up 3.9 yards per carry this season, which is better than Tech’s 4.2 yards per carry. Oh, they have that average while playing McNeese St. and Rutgers?

Here’s hoping we run the ball 80% of the time.

(We’d post the Varsity Blues picture here, but those guys are worn out. Jonathan Moxon is only one man.)


So yeah, 3 point favorites? Please. Somebody make some bookies pay. (We wouldn’t dream of gambling.)

And, as this is about to be posted, Mark May and Dr. Lou picked UNC to win. Do we even need to show up? (take that whichever way you want…)

And if you still can’t get up for this game, here’s one more reminder. Remember why that St. Patrick’s Day weekend wasn’t the greatest it possibly could be? Here you go.

F you.

Editor’s note: our hero will be revealed after the picks.



Now, let’s roll out some predictions.

Last weekend’s winner, B-Dubs, picked it right on the damn money. 20 – 17. Because of this, you are a recipient of a real trophy.

Note: Not B-Dubs

You shall, of course, relinquish it when another worthy enough makes a perfect pick. If you wanted something to keep, you should have asked for another bowling trophy.

With this, you had better be picking us to win this week since you are clearly an alien, wizard, or some kind of fairy.



Since you got it perfect, you get to go first…

Baaaah, just kidding.

C Gally: 27 – 14 VT, defensive score

B-Dubs: 27 – 21 VT

Carnegie Mellon’s Super-Scientific Football Analyst*: 20 – 13 VT

*who clearly sucks at analyzing football

The Bull: 21 – 14 VT, touchdowns from Tyrod, Evans, and D/special teams.

Maniak: 24 – 10 VT

Wright: 31 – 27 UNC

Lady Wright: 28 – 21 VT (everyone likes her better anyways)

DiP: 15 – 14 VT (excitement plus in this prediction)

The Northerner 19 – 13, anemic offense (way to go out on a limb)

Meet Bag: 24 – 17 VT

Papa Gally: 35 – 7 VT, 3……. 3 blocked kicks**

**as Maniak so eloquently put it: I love the enthusiasm of this man…whether it be pitchers at any bar in Blacksburg or cheese tots at Rivermill….I love the enthusiasm.

To which Papa Gally responded that his last beer-only tab at the Mill was $132.

Parents are awesome when you turn 21, kids.



So in which direction should we go this week? We have a traditionally weak opponent that is playing better that usual. The game is played in North Carolina. We need to go personal on this one.

You know who hates North Carolina? South Carolina.

And who is South Carolina’s greatest celebrity?

You guessed it.

Stephen Colbert.

He has a fire sword. Hates North Carolina and hippies. And will lead us to victory.

In fact, he mentioned the game on his show. We were able to obtain the following video caps:


So watch out, UNC (and grizzly bears). You’re on notice.