Archive for the ‘dizzybat’ Category

Weekend recap

June 29, 2009

Alright, so here’s the deal. I wasn’t at work on Friday and didn’t get to watch any sports happenings this weekend. I was in Maine getting my whitewater rafting on for my bachelor party. So this week, instead of a weekend recap of sports, I will be doing a weekend recap of my weekend. Enjoy. And yes, this is quite narcissistic. Deal with it.

1. The drive to Maine is effing looooong when you leave from NY. 7 hours. To put it in perspective, we were north of the Canada-Vermont-NH line. We were still in the US, but far up there. I think they said something like we were 10 miles from Quebec. Anyways, it was a long drive. And there was nothing up there in The Forks, ME. Just whitewater rafting companies. Oh, and black flies. If those things served a purpose to the human race, the state of Maine would be swimming in cash.

2. CGally was invited to join, but he pussed out and didn’t end up coming. Most likely because he couldn’t handle the drinking. More to come in the comment section.

3. The water on the Kennebec was cooooooooold. They told us it was about 60 degrees, but I call shenanigans and I’m going with something more like 34 degrees. We didn’t have anyone fall off the boat, because we’re real men, and only went in the water to go swimming down what they call “swimmer’s rapids”. We promptly got out when it got hard to breathe, our arms stopped working, and I developed another belly button.

4. If I had to sum up the trip in one word, that word would be: dizzybat. I have several bruises, cuts, aches, and pains from what happened via the dizzybat. For those of you who don’t know what it is, you take a wiffle ball bat, open up a hole in the butt, and one about a quarter-way from the top and, while holding a finger over the hole near the top, fill the bat up with your favorite beverage. Then you drink out from the butt of the bat, letting go of the hole, so you end up shotgunning the drink. Then when you’re done, you put your forehead on the bat, bat on the ground, and spin ten times. Then after the tenth time, someone throws you an empty can that you proceed to try and hit. Or if your name is Maniak, you swing like you’re Dustin Pedroia after someone told him a 5’6″ second baseman couldn’t make it as a hitter in the bigs and effing hit the guy who is about to throw the can and give him a nice welt on the back of the arm. Dick.

5. Whitewater rafting guides love to drink. And apparently, do the dizzybat. And they all look exactly how you think they would. Plus, if you give them a few beers, they will treat you like a friggin’ king. Very easy to please.

6. Did you hear Michael Jackson got into an accident the day before he died? He rear-ended a twelve-year old. No, but in all seriousness, the autopsy came back yesterday and said he died of food poisoning. He ate nine-year old wiener. Ba-ZING.

So, I don’t know what happened in the sports world this weekend because there was absolutely no cell service up there, so while you read this post, I will be seeing what went on. Then we can meet back up and discuss.