Archive for the ‘pizza’ Category

Mt. Rushmore of Pizza Toppings

February 26, 2009

If we’re going to go lowest common denominator, then let’s go lowest common denominator.

The best pizza toppings out there:

George Washington – Cheese Pizza

The Original. Sometimes there’s just nothing better than plain cheese pizza. It’s like a warm blanket that wraps you in deliciousness morning, noon, and night. There is no wrong time or temperature to eat good ol’ plain cheese pizza. Just like Washington invented America, cheese pizza invented itself. Even squirrels like it.

Thomas Jefferson – Bacon

Just like Jefferson improved our nation and it’s standing around the known world, there is nothing in the known world that will not improve with added bacon. By itself, it’s delicious. Coupled with literally anything else, and that thing is immediately 10x better.

Teddy Roosevelt – Meatballs

Teddy Roosevelt was a man’s man. And you can bet he damn sure loved meatballs on his pizza. Sometimes you just need some cow flesh ground down, balled up, and thrown on top of your pizza to remind yourself that you’re alive. And that the cow is not.

Abraham Lincoln – Chicken Parm

Now many of you would say pepperoni should be listed at number four, but pepperoni, much like Clemson at the beginning of every football season, is overrated. Lincoln is not overrated. Man ended slavery. He was honest. Chicken parm is honest. It doesn’t parade around in anything fancy. Just chicken, sauce and Parmesan cheese with some mozzarella thrown in. When placed atop a pizza, it makes one feel like a free man. Just like how Lincoln intended.