Archive for the ‘USC Trojans’ Category

HateFest 2009: Why we hate… USC

July 31, 2009

This should be the end of the post: Who else gets a friggin’ BCS bowl to basically be a home game?

But it’s not.

The Team:

Where do we begin? USC has been a powerhouse since back when your dad was banging the chick before your mom. They have been winning games like it’s their job. Probably because it is their job, but nevermind. They reside in the Pac-10, which is pretty much a guaranteed berth in a BCS bowl every year. And we can’t really say they don’t deserve it, because they generally clean house when they get to the bowl games as well. However, there was one game that comes to mind that they should have lost, save for a bogus pass interference call turned the tide and momentum towards the Durexes.

The Trojans have a .717 all-time win percentage, and Pete Carroll has only 15 losses with USC, entering his 7th year. They’ve had 11 national titles, 38 conference championships, 7 Heisman winners, 154 consensus All-Americans, and they poop vanilla scented rose petals. They are the popular guy in high school that everyone hated but couldn’t bring down.

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The Town:

The school is in LA. Not the good part of LA. But LA nonetheless. I don’t know why you would ever want to go to school in LA. Personally, I’m glad I was in Blacksburg where the only thing close to paparazzi were the sorority girls at the table next to you. I can’t imagine having the possibility of getting photographed all the time when I look back on some of the shit I did in college. Gives me the chills just thinking about it.

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The Fans and Students and Alumni:

As I said with Tennessee, the girls are hot. This also doesn’t help the argument here. Except the girls are a lot hotter here than in Tennessee. Yet the retard level is jacked up about 100 times. The girls are still smart, because USC, sadly to say, is a decent academic school, but they still are as dumb as a beagle running into a glass door for the 10th time.

There are more famous alumni from USC than I can even count. I don’t want to get into it, but suffice it to say they have more than their fair share of successful alumni. Greedy bastards.

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Other:

Have you ever watched a game with USC on TV? I’m sure you have. And I’m sure at some point you have said the words “I swear to everything that’s holy if they play that song one more GD time I’m going to drive out to California and shove a French horn up the band leader’s ass”.

Well here is that song.

I want to kick puppies every time I hear that thing.

What other team has been to a single bowl game so often that their cheerleaders have special uniforms specially made for that game? We get it. You love the Rose Bowl. Give it a rest.

And as for the cheerleaders uniforms, how about you update them to be less 1950’s. I get that they are classic and tasteful and blah blah blah. Cheerleaders are there for one reason. To look hot so as to entice the men in the stands to cheer and stop focusing on the exact positioning of the linebackers for three seconds. Slut it up, ladies. Those sweaters ain’t helping your cause.

Finally, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush recently broke up. How’s that for karma? How does that 2004 BCA Classic win taste now? Huh? Huh? Yeah. Tastes bitter, doesn’t it?

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