Archive for the ‘Hatefest 2009’ Category

Hatefest 2009: The Final Hate

September 11, 2009

As the season gets underway, we’d like to offer a big “Thank You” to everyone for helping make Hatefest 2009 a smashing success. We got out some hatred. Made some friends. Lost some others. And overall, we got our true feelings on paper (or web paper).

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But in our busy week, we neglected to truly give the UVA loss to William and Mary it’s proper due.

Of course, it was freaking awesome. We are witnessing the low point in the history of UVA football. And lordy lordy does it feel good.

But in reflection this past week, we’ve come to a sad realization: This rivalry has all but ceased to exist.

I mean, they just straight up suck right now. Sure we still hate them and their smug “fans”. But since ’99, Tech is 9-1 against the Hoos. And with Al Groh still at the helm in Charlottesville, a quick turn around does not seem likely.

Can this classic matchup become competitive again? Absolutely. Georgia beat Georgia Tech like 20 times in a row, but the Yellow Jackets eventually turned it around (kind of).

Don’t get us wrong, the rivalry isn’t dead. It will never die. But at the moment, it’s in a coma with few signs of life.

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Again, thank you to everyone that read, linked, or told someone about our little festival of hate here at our corner of the facetubes. Please stick around to read about things we like*.

* If we still have Voldemort as OC, expect more hate.
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HateFest 2009: Why we hate…UVA – Part II

September 2, 2009

Oh there are so many reasons, but I can’t put some into words. Those that I can can be found below:

1. Their fans are pathetic. Everyone who went to Tech knows why. They wear ties and sundresses to the game. If they go at all. They have gotten sternly talked to by Al Groh because even HE admits they’re fucking pathetic. Most of their fans strike me as the kind of people who are relatively straight-laced in high school and then leave for college and turn into those annoying “I love alcohol and why haven’t I tried this until now” kind of people who don’t know how to handle their booze and end up puking on your new couch.

I went to a concert at UVA freshman year and the band had to warn the guys at the front three times because these drunken ass frat boys were trying to start a mosh pit and were pushing and body-checking a girl who had the bad luck of finding herself in the middle of them. The band eventually stopped playing to wait until the dumbasses stopped their stupid shit. It was an OAR concert.

2. They further the stupid ass southern concept that “if you wear pastel polo shirts/pastel shorts and boat shoes you must be wealthy”. You look ridiculous. And if you do wear pastel polos and pastel shorts here is a word of advice: they aren’t mix-and-match. Certain colors go with other certain colors. Unfortunately this trend had moved to Tech when I was there and into my fraternity as well. All I could think of is how stupid the people at Tech were for following this dumbass trend brought down from UVA. It was a sad day.

3. UVA fans and alumni have a very unhealthy obsession with Thomas Jefferson. We get it. He established your school. Whoop-dee-doo. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great politician and founder of our country and did great things for our young nation. But there is no reason you need to fellate the man. He’s dead. He won’t feel anything.

4. Can’t really hate on their football team too much since they haven’t really wronged us in a while. Football is the only sport (other than softball) that we lead the overall series. Our record all time is 48-35-5. We haven’t lost to them since we have been in the ACC. I’m wondering if they are regretting their hard lobbying for us to be brought over to the ACC.

That’s all I can think of at this moment, but if I remember anything else I’ll let you know.

Hatefest 2009: Why I hate… UVA

September 1, 2009

During Hatefest 2009 we have hated on many different schools throughout this great nation. Hatefest now draws to its magnificent conclusion with the school any Hokie should hate more than Lee Corso himself. There will be a different format this week; each of the writers will talk about why we each hate UVA. Hope everyone except UVA fans enjoy. 

What I want to hate about set back the Virginia Tech football program 14 years. UVA slaughtered the Hokies 42-23 at Lane Stadium on November 19, 1994. The blowout shattered Hokie Nation to its core leading to a decision that wasn’t reversed till last year. During the game the Hokies wore an orange uniform, orange jersey and orange pants. The orange uniform was blamed for the loss. Frank Beamer said he would burn them and orange would never be seen on a Hokie football player again. Will Stewart said “The Hokies looked like a bunch of tangerines on the field, and UVA proceeded to beat the pulp out of them.” The color orange as the main focus of the Hokie’s uniform was not seen again till The Orange Effect game last year against Georgia Tech. Thankfully the Hokies won that game or else it would have been till 2022 till we saw an orange Hokie again.

So, I hate UVA for a lot more reasons than this but, this seemed to be the most unfounded of all of my reasons. However, how can you not hate a team that makes you change your uniform for a decade and a half? 

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… Florida

August 31, 2009

Florida week ends with ….. Florida weird. 

The Team:

The Hokies have not played the Florida Gators since 1985 but there are still reasons to hate them. They are always so good and loved by the media. They have that damn Urban Meyer and his spread offense and that damn golden boy Tim Tebow that understands how to run it. I never knew an offense could be innovative. I thought the only plays you could call were runs up the middle, screen passes, and draw plays. ”cough” stinespring “cough” Hopefully, this year we will meet Florida for the first time in 25 years and then they will actually have to face a defense to win a National Championship.

The Town and Campus: 

The town of Gainesville is rather large and not totally overwhelmed by the college campus like Blacksburg is. Also, Gainesville has a very classy Confederate States of America statue in its downtown. The campus contains a number of nationally recognized historic buildings.  

The Students, Alumni and Fans:

I really have nothing bad to say about their alumni or students. Their team is good they win championships in major sports, good for them. It’s the Florida bandwagon jumpers I have the problem with. Florida seems to be on the same lines of Duke, Miami, Florida State, USC, Notre Dame, and Michigan. They draw fans that have allegiance or affiliation to the school itself. They draw fans that just want to cheer for the best team and that’s fine just stay with them then don’t bounce around from team to team. 

Other:

Can we stop this charade of the past 7 weeks and get to the reason why Hatefest 2009 was even created, and hate on UVA already? UVA SUCKS

Why We Hate… Miami

August 29, 2009
Hot damn, that is my favorite picture of all time. Even more than the Paulus teabag.

Why do we hate Miami? Because they suck.

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The Town
It’s a school in Miami, and Miami is kind of awesome. There are no bikini clad girls roaming around Blacksburg in February, so we are pretty envious. But all that means is that we hate them more.

Luckily, we get to visit once a year to play in the Orange Bowl. I think the Canes played in Toronto last year.

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The School
Does anyone actually go to this school? Have you ever met a graduate?

The University of Miami is best known for… being in Miami.

They also play in “Land Shark Stadium.” Is this a joke? The stadium is named after Jimmy Buffet’s beer. I know people out there are big fans of Jimmy, and that’s fine. But you know what doesn’t impose fear into the hearts of visiting opponents? Cheeseburger in Paradise.

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The Fans
As mentioned, there are no actual students. We’re fairly certain every fan of this team is a townie.

At least WVU has devoted townie fans. Cane fans are, without a doubt, the worst fans in the country. They aren’t jackasses or anything. They are the worst because they don’t support a team that has won 5 national titles since 1983.

Traveling to Miami is as intimidating as going to grandma’s for Thanksgiving. Teams prepare for the noise level by putting a small radio playing NPR near the practice field.

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The Team
As mentioned, Miami has won 5 national titles. They have been pretty damn impressive.

But no one cares where you’ve been. And they suck pretty damn bad right now. They are the Nebraska of the ACC.

This is a team that fired Larry Coker. The man won a national title and went 60-15 in six seasons. Randy Shannon has gone 12-13. Good move guys.

There is quite a history of hate between the Hokies and the Canes. The 31 point drubbing in ’99. The 27-7 abortion of a game in ’05. The dropped 2-point conversion in ’01.

Tech’s history with Miami did not begin well. But after losing the first 12 match-ups, Tech has taken 9 of 14 since 1995. Suck on that, Cane douchers.

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Other
The U.

Sweet Jesus, is there anything more annoying from fans you’ve never met?

“OMFG you have the word ‘university’ in your name!! You guys are totally the only ‘U’ in the country!”

Other teams that could claim to be “The U”:

  • Temple University
  • West Virginia State University
  • Northeastern University
  • James Madison University

That last one was a joke. No one cares about JMU enough to give it a nickname.

Oh, and the Canes got into a brawl with Florida International. Need I say more?

HateFest 2009: Why we hate…FSU

August 28, 2009

Besides the fact that Tallahassee is friggin’ annoying to spell, there are plenty of other reasons why we hate FSU.

The Town

I’ve never been to Tallahassee. I don’t really want to go to Tallahassee. I have a cousin who went to FSU and I don’t really think she liked the town very much. It’s the capital of Florida so it’s got to be a big-ish city. And the fact that it’s the capital of Florida means that it MUST be a bellwether of the state (obvs). Therefore Tallahassee is made up of teacher sex scandaled, brain fried, old white trash. Really makes me want to go there.

The School

FSU really isn’t well known as a good academic school. I hear it’s good for nursing. That’s about it.

The Team

The team used to be real good. Like really good. Not so much anymore. They were the force of the ACC and teams trembled at their feet. Bobby Bowden could make women half his age swoon with dirty thoughts. And Chris Weinke! Damn, he could turn a straight man gay and be one helluva back up in the NFL.

Though things have changed for the Seminoles. They are more commonly referred to as the Criminoles. They haven’t really won any big games for a few years now, and they are getting dominated in the ACC by the new powerhouse team from Blacksburg. They may have won the National Championship twice, 1993 and 1999 (eat shit and die) but they are last century’s team. They haven’t done much since 2000 (save the 2005 ACC CG. Dicks) except have several players arrested and this. Let’s hope they take music history a little more seriously next time.

The Fans/Alumni

The fans aren’t terrible. I mean they’re not great, but when you really don’t have much to work with upstairs, then you tend to be a little more amicable outside of your college football mob mentality arena. Nice people at FSU, but let’s just say they couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.

Other

The tomahawk chop. It’s on par with the USC fight song. You don’t need to do it after every fucking play. Show some self-control. Damn.

The easiest way to piss off a FSU fan is mutter the words “wide right”. It gets them going all the time. Just do it in casual conversation. It’s great. “Boy Tom, that lady’s ass is pretty wide, right?” “Dave, go down the hill and then make a wide right turn” “Hey Megan… WIDE RIGHT”. Works every time.

I heard Chief Osceola once was busted for bootlegging firewater. True story.

And Jen Sturger isn’t that hot.

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… Boston College

August 25, 2009

Oh Boston College, you are adorable. Tech just dangles that piece of bacon in front of your face, and at the last second we yank it away. Then we leave for Miami to play in a BCS Bowl.

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The Team
The Eagles have been a solid rival in the ACC. We’ve apparently struck a deal in which they win the regular season game, while Tech takes the ACC Championship. We both wind up in Florida for bowl season, but BC goes to the Boca Raton Bowl and is usually all finished up by Christmas.

Matt-f***ing-Ryan will live in VT lore forever. Not that we knew it at the time, but his last minute drive to take down the Hokies on that fateful Thursday night kept us out of the National title game and the opportunity to get rolled twice in a season by LSU.

And remember go Jagoffinski? “The fans will not be a factor. We just came from Notre Dame, the crowd will not effect us.” How was the Douchebag.com Bowl or wherever the hell you wound up that year? In fairness, he was fired from BC. I think he’s selling insurance with Major Harris right now.

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The Fans
Fans? JMU women’s tennis has more devoted fans than BC football. I’d love to rag on supporters of the Eagles, but I honestly haven’t met one.

Other teams have alumni that travel to bowl games. BC just pays local homeless people to attend the games in yellow shirts.

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The Town
Boston sucks.

That was for The Northerner. But seriously, haven’t been. I assume that as a college town, it’s kind of a drag. Nothing gives you that small town college feel like 5 million people.

It’s always about 20 degrees outside during the school year. No one in the town cares about anything other than the “FAHCKIN’ SAWX”. Everyone talks in that annoying accent. Sounds like a great place to be a college football fan/athlete.

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The School
The school’s pretty solid. But who has Astroturf any more? Do you think the 20 people in the stands like to watch that kind of football?

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Alumni
Just like their football team, the BC alumni just can’t seem to make it. From John Kerry to Amy Poehler, the Eagles just can’t seem to make it happen. Tina Fey and George Bush will always come out on top.

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I guess that’s enough kicking of teams when they’re already down. Florida schools get theirs this week.

Get ready folks, only 4 more schools to destroy until kickoff.

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… Clemson

August 24, 2009
Honestly, there’s not much to hate about Clemson. Even Clemson fans know they fall apart halfway through the season. The Tigers have been talented enough to make this true in both football AND basketball. We’ll keep this one short as we prepare BC.

Outside of the big fight with South Carolina, nothing of importance has ever occured at Clemson. They won a National Championship in 1981, but no one cares. North Carolina was ranked 8th at one point that year. The universe was upside down.

The town is just like Blacksburg, if Blacksburg shut down half of the bars and the ones remaining closed at 11:30 each Saturday night.

No one went to this school. Frostburg State has better alumni.

There is, however, one great reason to hate this school. This guy went there:

Randy. What a douche. He’s so old, it boggles the mind. Go bitch about Cartoon Madness.

So that’s basically it. We’ll save the vitrol for a team that’s worth it.

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate…NC State

August 21, 2009

The D-i-P is out of town and still posting. Acc Atlantic week continues with NC State.  

The Team:  

The hate for NC States stems from a 2004 football game at Lane Stadium. However, I blame the line judges more than NC State. The Hokies lost the game 17-16. With only a couple of seconds left on the clock former Hokie Brandon Pace lined up a field goal from the left hash (a horrendous hash for a right footed kicker). Well from The North End Zone the kick looked good but, the line judges waited, and waited and waited, and finally said it was no good. The boos rained down upon Lane Stadium. I had seen the replay of the game the next morning on the CSN replay and it even looked good on the TV feed. I blame the refs for feeling sorry for the awfulness of the NC State program. Or, it might be because their coach, Chuck Amato, had awful fashion sense with his choice of sunglasses.

The Men’s basketball team has had their troubles with NC State as well. The Hokies have 6 of the last 7 against NC State. The only win coming last year in OT after an 18 point comeback from the Hokies in the second half. For some reason the Hokies enjoy going out the night before the NC State games or something like that.  

The Town and University:

NC State is a land- grant university like Virginia Tech is, so that’s ok. The one of the main focal points of their campus is their University Plaza called The Brickyard. I highly doubt it is as cool as Indianapolis Motor Speedway.  

The fans and alumni:

The Wolfpack fans are some of the less annoying of the tobacco road schools. Though, the fact that NC State used to have a nickname of The Techs is just blasphemous. At least, they should have been called The High Techs, so the fans would have had something to look at.  

Other:

The NC State football team has a familiar name on it. The one and only Mike Glennon he is the brother of former Hokie QB Sean Glennon. I hope Mike is as much of a statue of Sean was and I hope he can’t see defenders that are sitting right in front of him. The Hokies had 3 or 4 top level wide-outs but a Glennon could not get them the ball. Sorry NC State fans you have something look forward to now.  

HateFest 2009: Why we hate…Maryland

August 20, 2009

Now that CGally got off his ass and posted GA Tech, we can move on to ACC Atlantic.

Ah Maryland. Our dumber and less athletically talented step-brother. So much animosity coming from College Park that the only right thing to do is return the favor.

The Town

College Park blows. It’s kind of a ghetto city that sucks. It’s about half an hour from DC and that’s really the only “nice” thing going for it. Well I take that back. Mrs. Northerner’s brother goes there and he was telling me about a bar that does the whole “Bring your own Mug” nights where you bring your own mug (any size) and they will fill it up with some oat soda for three bucks. I think Blacksburg is the only college town that doesn’t have this sort of deal, so I may be a little bitter.

The School

Their team name is the Terrapins. They are a turtle. Now we can’t be hypocrites here because let’s face it, our mascot is a turkey. But at least we don’t go around thinking we have a tough mascot and that if they came alive, our mascot would kick everyone else’s mascot’s ass. Maryland does. Somehow they have managed to convince the entire student body that turtles are tough. They’re not. I have four turtles as pets. They can take the head off a goldfish and make the tank look like a scene from gladiator, but aside from that they are not tough. Snapping turtles I guess could be considered tough but they are not in the terrapin family so they don’t count.

The Team

Every year they think they’re good. They’re not. They’re mediocre. They get to play in the Champs Sports Bowl or the Meineke Car Care Bowl and nothing else. But don’t tell the students that. They think they are the best thing to ever happen to the ACC and college football.

Let’s move onto their coach. He looks like Grimace. Apparently though, he has lost 150 pounds in the offseason, but yet still is the size of three adult males. But he is apparently BFFs with Beamer so we can’t go too hard on him in case Beamer is reading this and we don’t want to get Frank mad. You wouldn’t like him when he’s mad. Gotta love the way they show their friendship though. Yay let’s hang out and play a football game! Wait, what? Frank why did you beat us 55-6? I thought we were friends!?

Anyways, other than that, they have won two National Championships and 11 ACC Championships, however the first NC (1951) was shared with four other teams and the second one (1953) was shared with two other teams. The ACC Championships were all won before the 1990s, with the last one being in 1985. Since then we have won 3 in 5 years.

The Fans/Alumni

So now we get to their fans and alumni. The problem with their fans is just what I explained above. They think they’re the shit but they’re not. They think they can take anyone, anywhere, anytime. But they can’t. They’re decent at basketball, but yet still get owned by ACC teams. They have a self-righteous “we’re better than you” attitude but can never back it up. They are the ACC’s biggest posers. However, that being said, when you engage their students and alumni in conversation other than college sports, they are actually very nice people. They’re fun to be around and easy to get along with. But just remember to never say a word about college sports because the conversation will all go right in the toilet.

Other

This goes back to the terrapin thing. Remember the commercial that they have during football games where they do all the campus shots and blah blah blah and then end it with the line of turtles that turn into the sphere and then the turtle roars? It was funny the first time. Then it got a little old. And it would be funnier if they meant it in an ironic way, but they didn’t. I’m fairly certain that roughly half the school thinks that turtles can actually roar.

I have to admit something. I am stuck in a somewhat unfortunate position. While my newlywed wife is a Hokie alum, the majority of her family is not. Her father, mother, and one of her two brothers are UMD alumni. So my animosity really comes from the fact that I will never be able to escape the UMD fans. If we win I have to deal with the sulking and start handing out Zoloft like it’s tic-tacs. If we lose, I won’t hear the end of it. It’s very stressful. Though, I guess it could be worse. They could have gone to WVU. But if that was the case the wedding probably would have never taken place.