Archive for the ‘red sox’ Category

Look out sports world

April 23, 2009

Bruins win the series in a 4-game sweep of the Habs. Red Sox sit the Twins down twice in a day. Tom Brady is still married to Gisele. There ain’t no stopping us. Boston is making another run to dominate the sports world. Watch out.

Steroids or Fluid Dynamics?

April 21, 2009

There has been much talk recently about the exodus of baseballs from the confines of Yankee Stadium during games. Yes, by that I am eloquently referring to the massive amount of home runs hit there in this very young season.

Against the Cleveland Indians, over the course of the opening four game series, there were 20 home runs hit. At this pace, there will be 405 home runs hit at Yankee Stadium this season alone. That would average 5 home runs a game.

Fourteen of these 20 were hit to right field, and engineers all over the tri-state area are discussing the possibility that there might be a wind tunnel effect along the right foul line corridor. If this is the case, the Yankees are in serious need of some renovations on the brand-new $1.5 Billion stadium.

On a related note, the Yankees are scared of the Red Sox for realzies. They pulled Wang in favor of Joba for this weekend’s series against the Good Guys. You think they would have done that for any other team? Methinks not.

On yet another note, it looks like I was wrong about the Pirates dropping below .500 yesterday effectively ending their season. Could this be the year they turn it around? Special Pirates Magic Number: 75. Beginning the countdown, now.

Screw you CGally

April 20, 2009

He tried to put the jinx on us, but it didn’t work.

Is it a sweep?? Are you looking for a sweep?? That’s where you win all the games in a series, right? A sweep? That’s what they call it? Yeah, I think it’s a sweep.

Yes, it was a sweep.

The Red Sox won a nail-biter of a game against the Orioles, 12-1, to sweep the series. It was a close one, but the boys from Boston overtook the orange birds in a exhibition of their (thankfully) returned slugging power.

The game was early in the day, 11 AM, and it was Patriot’s Day, so there was a lot of pride on the table. Masterson was masterful (to steal the line from pretty much any broadcaster that called a game in which he pitched well) and the Boston bats woke up from their wintry slumber. In the seventh, the Sox batted around the lineup, with Jason Bay getting on base twice, Mike Lowell getting a RBI in two separate at bats, and Jason Varitek making two of the three outs of their half inning. But he also got a home run, so I’m actually not really complaining. It’s just a humorous little fact.

The Buccos play the Marlins tonight at 7PM in the classic Battle at Sea (get it? the two teams are ocean-themed), so tune in to that debacle of a game in which the Pirates drop below .500, never to see a winning record for the rest of the year. Sorry, Pittsburgh fans, it’s inevitable.

Weekend Recap

April 20, 2009

Lot’s of sports stuff going on this weekend with playoff hockey, playoff basketball, baseball, prep for the draft next weekend, and tons of other sports stuff.

1. Let’s get this out of the way now: Playoff basketball started this past week and there were some surprises. The Celtics lost to the Bulls in a heart breaker, the Heat lost to the Hawks by a lot, the Sixers came back from 18 to beat the Magic and yada yada yada. I can’t wait for this to be over. The NBA is clogging up SportsCenter.

2. Playoff hockey has been in full force, and we have not been disappointed. The Pens have been punishing the Flyers until last night when the Flyers cut the Pens series lead in half. The Bruins have been making a mess of the Habs, and rightly so. Other teams that no one on this blog cares about also played. They’re still fun to watch, though.

3. Now some of you may be thinking that I have some kind of inferiority complex since I talk about the Yankees a lot. But here’s the truth. I am a Red Sox fan. I grew up in Yankee country. I now live in the heart of Yankee country. I don’t really like where I live. There are too many stereotypical New Yorkers. And yes, they are annoying. So here’s the point: When the Yankees lose 22-4 at home to the Indians, you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to bring it up.

4. The Sox seem to have regained their form (fingers crossed) and are coming back to .500 in a hurry. They beat the Orioles thrice this weekend and have one more game tonight. I think you know what I’m looking for, but like a pitcher with a no-no going, I dare not speak it’s name.

5. The best team in the MLB just beat the worst. Shocker. The Nats now fall to 1-10 on the season and are having some major troubles. Apparently Elijah Dukes was late to the game Sunday because he was signing autographs at a non-MLB sanctioned Little League game. The Nats have said that if he is late one more time, they are going to option him to Triple-A. Over-under on this happening is set at four days.

6. The Miss USA pageant was this weekend apparently, seeing as how it is on the front page of my home page. Miss North Carolina won, furthering my claim that NC has the hottest girls in the country. We’ll avoid the fact that this pageant business is one of the stupidest things in the world and that there is no way that it is not setting the women’s cause back every time it goes on. The girls have to be hot, they have to look good (but not too good) in a bikini, and they have to have the most scripted, thoughtless, and cookie-cutter answers to the biggest meatball questions in the world to win. This is really just a dumb competition that means nothing, except on the day after. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion show is more meaningful than this crap.

On a related note, there was some controversy when one of the contestants was asked about gay marriage, and she said in no uncertain terms that she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. This led to a shouting match in the lobby after with one man saying this:

“It’s ugly,” said Scott Ihrig, a gay man, who attended the pageant with his partner. “I think it’s ridiculous that she got first runner-up. That is not the value of 95 percent of the people in this audience. Look around this audience and tell me how many gay men there are.”

Touche, Scott Ihrig. You win this round.

Hope you had a nice weekend outside, because up here the weather was awesome. Unfortunately for you (and me) it might be time to open that door and creep outside to get some color on your pasty white skin. Wear suncreen.

Yanks get housed in their new house

April 16, 2009

The Yankees have gotten their asses kicked in their home opener which was also the official unveiling of their new stadium. This is the best part: they got beat by the Cleveland Indians, the team with the second worst record in this young season.

Teixeira was pulled for Melky Cabrera, they ran through roughly 6 pitchers (none of which were position players…they may have learned their lesson), and as of yesterday, Xavier Nady looks like he will be out for the rest of the season.

It’s good to see the Yanks (hopefully) take over the miserable ways of the Red Sox lately. Now I’m just waiting for the Pirates to get back to form. They lost today against Houston, so that’s a step in the right direction.

PS, CGally: 2 does not equal 3

I’m so confused

April 14, 2009

What the hell is going on with baseball right now?

1. The Red Sox are shitting the bed
2. Jon Lester is throwing batting practice to opposing teams
3. The Yankees are awful and got owned by the Rays 15-5
4. The Yanks ran out of pitchers so Nick Swisher – that’s right, their temporary first baseman – threw an inning and was their best pitcher of the night
5. And the Pirates shut out the Astros 7-0.

It’s like white is black, outside is inside, cheeseburgers eat you, and Lindsay Lohan is sober. I’m so lost.

Weekend Recap

April 13, 2009

This weekend was Easter but that didn’t stop the sports world from keeping on. Here’s what happened.

1. The Boston University Terriers won the Frozen four in dramatic style, scoring two goals in the final minute to tie up the game with Miami (OH). The Terriers finished them off in OT to claim the Championship. Then everyone went back to not caring about college hockey.

2. The Red Sox are apprently playing baseball high on drugs because they haven’t been playing well. Thought it should be noted that “well” is a relative term, because if this was the Pirates, then they would be kicking ass right now. But alas, they are not, so the Sox are still hitting like shit.

3. In a related story, the Pirates got three outs on one play!

Edwin Encarnacion hit a blooper into short left that was easily caught by Jack Wilson, who threw to Freddy Sanchez at second base to double up Phillips. By then, Bruce was already at second, and Sanchez threw to first baseman Adam LaRoche to complete the triple play.

The first triple play of the season! Things might actually be looking good for the ol’ Buccos. Wait, what? Really? They still lost 2-0? Alright, well I apologize. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up. My bad.

4. Angel Cabrera outlasted Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell in the Masters on Sunday. The three ended regulation with a three-way tie and went into sudden death overtime. Campbell was eliminated on the first hole. Perry literally handed the title off to Cabrera. Perry hadn’t bogeyed a hole for 22 straight holes, and then shot two bogeys on the 17 and 18th holes to send it to OT. Then he muffed a chance to win on the first OT hole when Cabrera got lost in the woods and Perry finally got on his knees on the second hole to end the pain. This guy is a bigger choke artist than the 2004 Yankees.

5. The NHL regular season is over and the playoffs are about to start. Commence the general public’s viewing of hockey for the first time this year. Bruins all the way.

6. The fat-fat-fatty Byron Leftwich, who resembles an offensive lineman more than a QB has signed a two-year agreement with the TB Bucs. I’m sure the guy’s nice and all, and he’s got a decent arm, but how does he manage to stay active in the NFL up to this point? I mean the guy is built like CC Sabathia and is in one of the two most athletic professional sports (hockey being the other). I can understand a “big” baseball player (see: Wells, David) or basketball player (see: I don’t pay enough attention to basketball to know an example), but a fat NFL player that isn’t a lineman? Life is surprising.

Hope the Easter Bunny was nice to everyone, as opposed to my situation where the Easter Bunny broke into my house and stole my flat-panel TV, laptop, and the $150 I keep on my dresser. All he left was a single Cadbury Creme Egg. Talk about getting ripped off.

Red Sox are nothin’ but class

April 7, 2009

The 2009 World Series Champion Red Sox have pushed back the start time of the game today (also their season and home opener) from 4:05 to 4:06 to commemorate Ted Williams’ legendary .406 batting average, the last over.400 average ever hit by a major leaguer.

For those of you who don’t know the story of the .406, here is a quick summary:

In 1941, The Splendid Splinter entered the last day of the season with a .400 average. The Red Sox had a double-header that day and Joe Cronin (Sox manager) gave Williams the option to sit out, thus preserving his .400 average. What did Teddy Ballgame say? Hell no. He played in both games of the double header and ended up going 6-8, raising his average to .406. I’d like to see anyone today be ballsy enough and confident in themselves enough to risk that average. What a friggin’ badass.

Don’t get your hopes up

February 26, 2009

So despite the fact that the Red Sox just lost to the Pirates in the 9th inning, and the Sox blew through nine different pitchers, there is some silver lining to this cloud. It gave us time to catch up with Jason Bay who had the day off.

Now for those of you who don’t remember, Jason Bay was one of the players the Sox got from the Pirates at the end of last year while the Pirates got some other players. Basically, when it comes down to the two teams, the Red Sox traded Brandon Moss for Jason Bay. Still at a loss for words, but I digress.

Bay had the day off today, and got to watch the game from the dugout between his current championship calibur team and his former team who, let’s say, are not.

Anyways, this is what Jason had to say about his former team:

Bay cautioned Pirates fans against assuming that any transformation will be an overnight one. He has seen that promise made and not realized before, and he knows that patience is a must.

“I think they have the right ideas,” Bay said of the management team that took over the Pirates before the 2008 season. “They’re a very competitive team. I think in the next few years, they are probably going to turn a corner.”

Now if that isn’t a pinpoint specific prediction, then I don’t know what is. And seriously Pirates fans, you guys need some patience. Nothing good happens overnight.

Youkilis subsidizing salary by doing 70s porn

February 23, 2009

These tough economic times have seemed to hit everyone hard, and that doesn’t exclude professional baseball players. Kevin Youkilis, star first baseman for the 2009 World Series Champion Red Sox (yeah, I’m calling it now), has resorted to lighting up his time machine and appearing in 1970s pornos.

People asked him, “If you have a time machine, why not just go back in time and fix the economy before it even went south?”

He replied, “I’d rather do porn in the 70s.”