Archive for August, 2009

Kirk Herbstreit is dead to me

August 31, 2009

Herbstreit just put out his “Herbies” for 2009. He was one of the more tolerated ones on College Game Day. No more. Chris Fowler, you’re the last man standing.

To recap what Kirk did to be banished from my good graces forever include:

  • Only including Sergio Render and Jason Worilds as top players from Tech (could be agreeable but not anymore)
  • leaving out all other players in each specific spot
  • Not mentioning Bud Foster as a “head coach in waiting” (even though he could outcoach your frosted tip ass)
  • Not including a VT player in the “what a college team should look like” roster
  • He picked FSU to win the Atlantic and Georgia Tech to win the Coastal and then Ga Tech to win the ACC CG. No mention of us. None. It’s like precedent doesn’t count for anything anymore.
  • And making a list of the top student sections without The North End Zone. His top 10 student sections were made up almost entirely (save for Oregon and Notre Dame) Big 10 and SEC schools.

The Big 10 was good, once. But come on. These aren’t the days of Linebacker U, Woody Hayes and Joe Paterno anymore. Wait scratch that last one. The Big 10 has been surpassed by other conferences in almost every facet of the game, so just let go. Just let go.

At least he only had the balls to include Ohio State four times.

On another note, Colin Cowherd, Rece Davis, Bruce Feldman and Pat Forde have moved to my “I have no problem with you” list for unanimously picking VT as the Coastal and ACC champ. And we, of course, know that when these four men pick something to happen, it WILL happen.

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Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… Florida

August 31, 2009

Florida week ends with ….. Florida weird. 

The Team:

The Hokies have not played the Florida Gators since 1985 but there are still reasons to hate them. They are always so good and loved by the media. They have that damn Urban Meyer and his spread offense and that damn golden boy Tim Tebow that understands how to run it. I never knew an offense could be innovative. I thought the only plays you could call were runs up the middle, screen passes, and draw plays. ”cough” stinespring “cough” Hopefully, this year we will meet Florida for the first time in 25 years and then they will actually have to face a defense to win a National Championship.

The Town and Campus: 

The town of Gainesville is rather large and not totally overwhelmed by the college campus like Blacksburg is. Also, Gainesville has a very classy Confederate States of America statue in its downtown. The campus contains a number of nationally recognized historic buildings.  

The Students, Alumni and Fans:

I really have nothing bad to say about their alumni or students. Their team is good they win championships in major sports, good for them. It’s the Florida bandwagon jumpers I have the problem with. Florida seems to be on the same lines of Duke, Miami, Florida State, USC, Notre Dame, and Michigan. They draw fans that have allegiance or affiliation to the school itself. They draw fans that just want to cheer for the best team and that’s fine just stay with them then don’t bounce around from team to team. 

Other:

Can we stop this charade of the past 7 weeks and get to the reason why Hatefest 2009 was even created, and hate on UVA already? UVA SUCKS

Weekend recap

August 31, 2009

The seasons are starting to change. There’s a slight new crisp fall smell in the air, the temperatures are getting just a little cooler, and I had the first fantasy football draft of the season yesterday. Bring on the gridiron.

1. We had a preseason football game on Friday that tested the limits of my marriage. It was Redskins vs. Patriots. Of course the good guys won, but I must say, the Skins didn’t suck as badly as I thought they would. Convinced me to draft Santana Moss though.

2. Jay Cutler must have been real excited to head back to Denver and show the Broncos what he made them get rid of. Unfortunately, the Bears actually did win, though the Denver fans sure let him hear it. At least none of these games count. Nowhere is that more true than in the battle of the Big Apple where the Jets beat the Giants. Only in the preseason. Hey! Detroit won a game!

3. Tiger Woods lost again this weekend, coming in second at The Barclays. He is not having a lucky year thus far.

4. The Brewers beat the Pirates in Milwaukee. Not that this means anything, we just haven’t talked about the Pirates lately. Except that this beating that the Pirates took is the 21st consecutive loss to Milwaukee at Miller Park.

“That’s obviously a horrible stat,” said Pirates third baseman Andy LaRoche, a minor leaguer for the Dodgers when Pittsburgh last won in Milwaukee on May 3, 2007. “I knew it was a lot, I didn’t know how many it was. We still go out there and try to win no matter who we’re playing.”

Poor, poor Pirates. In case you were wondering, there are 34 games left in the season. They would need to go 29-5 to break the .500 mark. Looks like it isn’t happening this year.

5. It looks like our hopes that Nick Saban will not be the coach of the Crimson Tide by Sept. 5 will not come true. He signed an extension keeping him in place until 2017. In related news: Only 5 days until the beatdown of Alabama. Go Hokies!

Why We Hate… Miami

August 29, 2009
Hot damn, that is my favorite picture of all time. Even more than the Paulus teabag.

Why do we hate Miami? Because they suck.

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The Town
It’s a school in Miami, and Miami is kind of awesome. There are no bikini clad girls roaming around Blacksburg in February, so we are pretty envious. But all that means is that we hate them more.

Luckily, we get to visit once a year to play in the Orange Bowl. I think the Canes played in Toronto last year.

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The School
Does anyone actually go to this school? Have you ever met a graduate?

The University of Miami is best known for… being in Miami.

They also play in “Land Shark Stadium.” Is this a joke? The stadium is named after Jimmy Buffet’s beer. I know people out there are big fans of Jimmy, and that’s fine. But you know what doesn’t impose fear into the hearts of visiting opponents? Cheeseburger in Paradise.

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The Fans
As mentioned, there are no actual students. We’re fairly certain every fan of this team is a townie.

At least WVU has devoted townie fans. Cane fans are, without a doubt, the worst fans in the country. They aren’t jackasses or anything. They are the worst because they don’t support a team that has won 5 national titles since 1983.

Traveling to Miami is as intimidating as going to grandma’s for Thanksgiving. Teams prepare for the noise level by putting a small radio playing NPR near the practice field.

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The Team
As mentioned, Miami has won 5 national titles. They have been pretty damn impressive.

But no one cares where you’ve been. And they suck pretty damn bad right now. They are the Nebraska of the ACC.

This is a team that fired Larry Coker. The man won a national title and went 60-15 in six seasons. Randy Shannon has gone 12-13. Good move guys.

There is quite a history of hate between the Hokies and the Canes. The 31 point drubbing in ’99. The 27-7 abortion of a game in ’05. The dropped 2-point conversion in ’01.

Tech’s history with Miami did not begin well. But after losing the first 12 match-ups, Tech has taken 9 of 14 since 1995. Suck on that, Cane douchers.

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Other
The U.

Sweet Jesus, is there anything more annoying from fans you’ve never met?

“OMFG you have the word ‘university’ in your name!! You guys are totally the only ‘U’ in the country!”

Other teams that could claim to be “The U”:

  • Temple University
  • West Virginia State University
  • Northeastern University
  • James Madison University

That last one was a joke. No one cares about JMU enough to give it a nickname.

Oh, and the Canes got into a brawl with Florida International. Need I say more?

HateFest 2009: Why we hate…FSU

August 28, 2009

Besides the fact that Tallahassee is friggin’ annoying to spell, there are plenty of other reasons why we hate FSU.

The Town

I’ve never been to Tallahassee. I don’t really want to go to Tallahassee. I have a cousin who went to FSU and I don’t really think she liked the town very much. It’s the capital of Florida so it’s got to be a big-ish city. And the fact that it’s the capital of Florida means that it MUST be a bellwether of the state (obvs). Therefore Tallahassee is made up of teacher sex scandaled, brain fried, old white trash. Really makes me want to go there.

The School

FSU really isn’t well known as a good academic school. I hear it’s good for nursing. That’s about it.

The Team

The team used to be real good. Like really good. Not so much anymore. They were the force of the ACC and teams trembled at their feet. Bobby Bowden could make women half his age swoon with dirty thoughts. And Chris Weinke! Damn, he could turn a straight man gay and be one helluva back up in the NFL.

Though things have changed for the Seminoles. They are more commonly referred to as the Criminoles. They haven’t really won any big games for a few years now, and they are getting dominated in the ACC by the new powerhouse team from Blacksburg. They may have won the National Championship twice, 1993 and 1999 (eat shit and die) but they are last century’s team. They haven’t done much since 2000 (save the 2005 ACC CG. Dicks) except have several players arrested and this. Let’s hope they take music history a little more seriously next time.

The Fans/Alumni

The fans aren’t terrible. I mean they’re not great, but when you really don’t have much to work with upstairs, then you tend to be a little more amicable outside of your college football mob mentality arena. Nice people at FSU, but let’s just say they couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.

Other

The tomahawk chop. It’s on par with the USC fight song. You don’t need to do it after every fucking play. Show some self-control. Damn.

The easiest way to piss off a FSU fan is mutter the words “wide right”. It gets them going all the time. Just do it in casual conversation. It’s great. “Boy Tom, that lady’s ass is pretty wide, right?” “Dave, go down the hill and then make a wide right turn” “Hey Megan… WIDE RIGHT”. Works every time.

I heard Chief Osceola once was busted for bootlegging firewater. True story.

And Jen Sturger isn’t that hot.

Holding 6-5… you got to Double Down

August 26, 2009


Kentucky Fried Chicken tried to be healthier this year by coming out with the Kentucky Grilled Chicken. But, it seems like they were losing too much weight. KFC has introduced the Double Down chicken sandwich in the test markets of Rhode Island and Nebraska. It is a sandwich with no bun just 2 patties of fried chicken surrounding pepper jack cheese, bacon, and the Colonel’s secret sauce. The secret sauce should be some sort of gravy making the sandwich even more gratuitous. I wonder what the Colonel would think knowing that this 600 calorie is only being sold be a meager 4.99. But, with that savings you will be able to afford the ambulance ride after sandwich number 6. Here’s to you Colonel even from the grave you have found a way to get us to eat more fried food.  

Quarterback U now losing them two at a time

August 25, 2009

Just in time for our HateFest on schools from Florida week.

According to CollegeFootballTalk:

Yesterday at this time, Miami of Florida had three players vying to become the backup to Jacory Harris at quarterback.

Today, that number has been suddenly and unexpectedly slashed to one.

Both Taylor Cook and Cannon Smith (Ed. note: Think his father wanted him to be a QB?) — via his father — have told the Miami Herald that they are transferring from Coral Gables.

Well this leaves true freshman AJ Highsmith as the only backup to Jacory Harris. Ruh roh. Better hope that Harris’ knees and ankles stay healthy this season, ‘Canes, because you might be battling Duke for the saddest sack-of-shit team in the ACC. I cannot wait for Sept 26th.

Speaking of which, does anyone have two tickets for the VT/Miami game? The ball-and-chain and I plan on making our glorious return to Blacksburg that weekend and are in the market for some tickets. You can get in touch with me via the comment section or through the email on the right hand side of the page.

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… Boston College

August 25, 2009

Oh Boston College, you are adorable. Tech just dangles that piece of bacon in front of your face, and at the last second we yank it away. Then we leave for Miami to play in a BCS Bowl.

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The Team
The Eagles have been a solid rival in the ACC. We’ve apparently struck a deal in which they win the regular season game, while Tech takes the ACC Championship. We both wind up in Florida for bowl season, but BC goes to the Boca Raton Bowl and is usually all finished up by Christmas.

Matt-f***ing-Ryan will live in VT lore forever. Not that we knew it at the time, but his last minute drive to take down the Hokies on that fateful Thursday night kept us out of the National title game and the opportunity to get rolled twice in a season by LSU.

And remember go Jagoffinski? “The fans will not be a factor. We just came from Notre Dame, the crowd will not effect us.” How was the Douchebag.com Bowl or wherever the hell you wound up that year? In fairness, he was fired from BC. I think he’s selling insurance with Major Harris right now.

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The Fans
Fans? JMU women’s tennis has more devoted fans than BC football. I’d love to rag on supporters of the Eagles, but I honestly haven’t met one.

Other teams have alumni that travel to bowl games. BC just pays local homeless people to attend the games in yellow shirts.

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The Town
Boston sucks.

That was for The Northerner. But seriously, haven’t been. I assume that as a college town, it’s kind of a drag. Nothing gives you that small town college feel like 5 million people.

It’s always about 20 degrees outside during the school year. No one in the town cares about anything other than the “FAHCKIN’ SAWX”. Everyone talks in that annoying accent. Sounds like a great place to be a college football fan/athlete.

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The School
The school’s pretty solid. But who has Astroturf any more? Do you think the 20 people in the stands like to watch that kind of football?

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Alumni
Just like their football team, the BC alumni just can’t seem to make it. From John Kerry to Amy Poehler, the Eagles just can’t seem to make it happen. Tina Fey and George Bush will always come out on top.

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I guess that’s enough kicking of teams when they’re already down. Florida schools get theirs this week.

Get ready folks, only 4 more schools to destroy until kickoff.

VT Alumni Tailgate for the Alabama Game

August 24, 2009

The Atlanta Chapter of the VT Alumni Association has sent us some interesting information. They are hosting a tailgate prior to the beatdown of the Crimson Tide. Check out the website here where you can buy tickets and get all the necessary info.

This little shindig sounds pretty cool. All you Hokie fans down in the Dirty South should get a move on to go to the tailgate. It’ll be just like your tailgate except better and you won’t have to do any of the clean up or setup work. They’ll have hamburgers and hot dogs, corn hole, and other tailgate games. Oh yeah, and they have the brewskis. Plus they even hooked you up with maps of the MARTA system (that’s the Atlanta public transit system for all of you who aren’t in the know) so that you don’t even have to worry about driving to or from the massive win over Alabama. You can celebrate to your hearts content.

Anyways, hit up the website and if you’re in the Atlanta area (read: within 250 miles of Atlanta) on Sept. 5th then you get you sweet ass to the tailgate and root on the boys in maroon (unless of course Alabama is in Maroon and then root on the boys in whatever color we’re wearing). Just remember, you need to get tickets by August 28th (that’s in 4 days) otherwise you may be shit out of luck.

Hatefest 2009: Why We Hate… Clemson

August 24, 2009
Honestly, there’s not much to hate about Clemson. Even Clemson fans know they fall apart halfway through the season. The Tigers have been talented enough to make this true in both football AND basketball. We’ll keep this one short as we prepare BC.

Outside of the big fight with South Carolina, nothing of importance has ever occured at Clemson. They won a National Championship in 1981, but no one cares. North Carolina was ranked 8th at one point that year. The universe was upside down.

The town is just like Blacksburg, if Blacksburg shut down half of the bars and the ones remaining closed at 11:30 each Saturday night.

No one went to this school. Frostburg State has better alumni.

There is, however, one great reason to hate this school. This guy went there:

Randy. What a douche. He’s so old, it boggles the mind. Go bitch about Cartoon Madness.

So that’s basically it. We’ll save the vitrol for a team that’s worth it.