Archive for the ‘JMU Sucks’ Category

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… JMU

July 14, 2009

Welcome to Hatefest 2009. We have 8 weeks until kick off, and thought it would be a good idea to piss off everyone we hate. This week: Mid-majors and lower. Case in point…

We know, this may seem a little ridiculous. I mean, JMU? Come on. It’s like kicking puppies, right?

But for anyone that has had a friend at JMU, you know exactly what we’re talking about.

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The Team
Well, there’s really not much here. OH EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME THEY THREW KEVIN JONES INTO THE F*CKING WALL.

We’d show a video of it, but no video camera has ever recorded a JMU game. Suffice it to say that Mr. Jones was thrown head first into the white concrete wall surrounding Worsham Field.

The offending player was rightfully thrown out of the game. He should probably count himself lucky, as his head would have probably been pummeled through the goal post.

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The School:
We’ve all heard the “Just Missed Uva” joke before. (Speaking of jokes, JMU was the fall-back for 50% of the Alabama football team.) JMU kids don’t just miss UVA, they can barely spell it.

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The Town:

There’s a tunnel under the interstate that students use to get to class. No other details are needed.

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The Fans and Students:
Aaaaand here we are. The reason that JMU is on our Hatefest list. But where to start?

Can I get the uppity-ness of UVA without any of the academic credentials? Why yes!

Did you know that JMU has a reputation for having a lot of girls? Did you know that said girls have a reputation for being promiscuous? Did you know that JMU has the only Division-I football championship in the state of Virginia? If you had a friend at the school, you had all of it shoved down your freaking throat.

The football thing is such a joke. There’s no other response than to say “Really?” over and over. The year of their championship, their average attendance at home games was 47. They had 4 sellouts.

Have you seen anyone with JMU apparel? Well, other than girls that want to broadcast that they’re a sure thing.

Also, a direct quote from the last time they played in Blacksburg:

JMU Fan: “$5 for a program? They’re free at our home games.”
Me: “Really?? I mean… Really?”

And of course, there’s the fall wedding… still bitter.

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Other:
OMFG HAVE YOU HEARD THEIR BAND??? It’s better than any band ever in the history of life. Led Zeppelin worships them.

Another direct quote from the last game:

JMU Fan: “Our band could kick your band’s ass.”
VT Fan: “Our band could kick your football team’s ass!”

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I guess that’s it. Have fun in Harrisonburg. Enjoy that crazy night life ya’ll have.