Archive for September, 2009

Highlights from Week 2 of College Football

September 14, 2009

There are only two highlights from this week in college football.

1. We won. We hung 52 points on Marshall with most of those coming from the offense! It’s how it should be done and we did it. Good job, Hokies.

2. This. No words are needed. Enjoy.

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The Spectacular, The Horrific, and the F-Ugly: Week 1

September 14, 2009

This week we are starting a new series of posts. It is the spectacular, the horrific, and the F-ugly. It will be a weekly post about the Sunday that was in the NFL.

The Spectacular:

Drew Brees edges out Adrian Peterson this week. Brees had 358 passing yards with 6 touchdowns yesterday against Detroit. New Orleans doesn’t need defensive help if Brees is giving the team 45 points. By the way where is Reggie Bush? Will he ever help in the running game? If he can ever figure it out, that offense might be unstoppable.

The Horrific:

Jake Delhomme beats out Jay Cutler in the battle of 4 pick quarterbacks. Delhomme gets the honor this week because it only took him 3 quarters to throw the 4 picks before being pulled. If Delhomme had another 20 minutes of action that number might be 7 maybe even double digits. So, In Delhomme’s past 101 minutes of action he has thrown 9 interceptions. That is 1 every 11 minutes. In an entire season that would compute out to 87 interceptions. That might be more picks than the Rams will score points this year.

The F-Ugly:

The Bengals secondary are hands down the F-ugliest this week. With 11 seconds left in the game Kyle Orton throws a poor ball to Brandon Marshall that is tipped. Brandon Stokely was in the right spot at the right time and got the tip and ran another 50 yards for the score. But, how was Stokely the last man between the ball and the end zone? Shouldn’t there have been some sort of elaborate prevent to make sure there was always one defender as a safety value? This is why they are the Bungles.  

Hatefest 2009: The Final Hate

September 11, 2009

As the season gets underway, we’d like to offer a big “Thank You” to everyone for helping make Hatefest 2009 a smashing success. We got out some hatred. Made some friends. Lost some others. And overall, we got our true feelings on paper (or web paper).

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But in our busy week, we neglected to truly give the UVA loss to William and Mary it’s proper due.

Of course, it was freaking awesome. We are witnessing the low point in the history of UVA football. And lordy lordy does it feel good.

But in reflection this past week, we’ve come to a sad realization: This rivalry has all but ceased to exist.

I mean, they just straight up suck right now. Sure we still hate them and their smug “fans”. But since ’99, Tech is 9-1 against the Hoos. And with Al Groh still at the helm in Charlottesville, a quick turn around does not seem likely.

Can this classic matchup become competitive again? Absolutely. Georgia beat Georgia Tech like 20 times in a row, but the Yellow Jackets eventually turned it around (kind of).

Don’t get us wrong, the rivalry isn’t dead. It will never die. But at the moment, it’s in a coma with few signs of life.

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Again, thank you to everyone that read, linked, or told someone about our little festival of hate here at our corner of the facetubes. Please stick around to read about things we like*.

* If we still have Voldemort as OC, expect more hate.

Game 2: Marshall Predictions

September 11, 2009

Even losses provide winners. And for the first time I’ve known him, the DiP actually did something right.

His 24-20 prediction was the closest, despite not picking the winner. We give no points to picking the winner. Unless you pick Tech.

So for Mr. DiP, the Trophy of Awesomeness is his. This week’s trophy? Well, despite his family having invented it, he’ll be taking home a lifetime supply of the greatest candy ever…


It’s sugar in a bag. Freaking genius.

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On to this week’s picks. All scores come with a Virginia Tech victory.

C Gally: 42-10, double-digit sacks for the defense

The DiP: 31-13, Marshall’s offense outscores ours

Wright: 30-17, might closer, but the Marshall players will likely smoke up in the locker room pregame with an Ode to Pennington

Maniak: 23-10

Poppa Gally: 21-7, 1 blocked kick, 1 punt return for a touchdown

The Northerner: 34-3, two TDs by our defense – one being by Virgil on a turnover; 30+ yard TD run by Williams; red zone scramble/QB sneak for TD by Tyrod; and then two field goals. Book it.

B-Dubs: In accordance with Marshall law, the Thundering Herd will stampede their way into an angry Lane Stadium. Not knowing what to do they will call Byron Leftwhich to save the day andrealize that he is still just a mediocre QB. Hopes deflate, the Hokies win 42-3.

The CMU Football Analyst: 34-20, Tech wins the Battle of the Sleepy College Towns.

Meet Bag: 30-10

G Way: 41-7 in an offensive explosion that will trick us into thinking the offense might be improving until we get to next week against Nebraska, where we just rely on the D again.

Kyle, the Hokie Ambassador to Africa: 37-10

The Bull: Ryan Williams = 18, Virginia Tech Kicker Matt Waldron = 9, Marshall = 10. Hokies win 27-10.

Bobby the Ginger: Bryan Stinespring finds out that his playbook contains more pages than “See Spot Run” and the Hokies score 30 offensive points. Final score Hokies 37-10.

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As usual, we ask a fan of our opponent their prediction. Fortunately, our Marshall fan is M Gally, sister to your humble editor and lifelong Hokie fan*.

*Technically speaking, this makes her a Hokie.

Her prediction is 35-15 VT. Smartest girl at that school.

All readers, long time or one time, are welcome to leave their scores in the comments. And yes, we do take them into account for the weekly Trophy of Awesomeness.

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In Tommy Lee Jones we trust. LET’S GO HOKIES!!

No Madden, no needless Brett Favre talk, what’s going on?

September 11, 2009


So since John Madden is gone, the Sunday Night football team needs a new go to boy to replace douchebag extraordinaire Brett Favre(the older Tony Romo). If Collinsworth had his way it would be Troy Polamalu. Chris got speechless after the interception (it was pretty though).  

Michaels certainly enjoyed some classic Roethlisberger all night. Though classic Ben seemed to be running backwards getting sacked or throwing picks to former Hokies (Vinny Fuller).

Other guys that might receive some announcer love:

Ray Lewis: He killed a guy.
Carson Palmer: The best quarterback to never actually play.
The Manning Brothers: The best Brothers since The Parkers.
Michael Vick: The man you love to hate but you must not hate.
Tony Dungy: He still coaches right, he’s the QB coach for the Eagles, no?
Matt Ryan: He is dreamy(no homo).
Tony Romo: He’s the young Brett Favre.

This is just a few more people that Sunday Night Football might choose to hang their hate on. Personally, I hope they just talk about John Madden more.

Game 2: Marshall Preview

September 10, 2009

Welp, that sucked.

Another big game against the SEC. Another loss. How sad is it that we felt almost ok with the outcome since we didn’t get crushed or blow a 30 point lead?

In case you’re wondering, the last time we beat a top ten team was the 2006 over #10 Clemson. Since it was Clemson, we can barely count it.

The Northerner pretty much summed up what everyone was thinking from the Alabama game, but here are a few more thoughts before we put that guy to bed.

You know how many teams ESPN has made fun of for being super-duper predictable on offense? One. Us. It’s embarrassing.

There’s nothing we can even say any more. We are ready to lead an all out protest of Voldemort, our offensive coordinator. We’d like to see something like these town hall meetings on healthcare, only louder.

The defense spent nearly two-thirds of the game on the field. You know what you get when that happens? Five plays for 74 yards and a touchdown in just under three minutes. That would be Alabama’s last scoring drive after we cut the deficit to 3.

But don’t think the coaches were the only goats in this. Chancellor couldn’t cover a manhole. Tyrod threw for a whopping 91 yards. And whoever the f*** #62 is on the offensive line needs to be replaced with a parking cone. We know you’re just a kid, but come on man. You have to at least touch the guy as he goes screaming past you to kill our quarterback.

Ok, I feel a little bit better. It was out of conference, so mark that game with a big ol’ whatevs.

Also, WE DIDN’T LOSE TO WILLIAM AND FREAKING MARY!!!*

*More on that in our thank you’s for Hatefest 2009 tomorrow.

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On to Marshall.

As a disclaimer, I need to note that my sister, a hardcore Virginia Tech fan, attends Marshall University. She has rooted for Tech since forever, and that’s not easy growing up in Morgantown. If my vile for the school seems a little toned down this week, you’ll have to forgive me.

She plans to attend the game wearing a Marshall shirt with a VT hat. This will be sure to confuse and confound anybody that happens to see her. Any abuse by Tech fans (which would be pretty sad, it’s freaking Marshall) will be swiftly dealt with by her jacked, ex-linebacker brother.

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The Bad Guys
Other than the movie starring the dreamy Jack Sheppard and the dad from Hot Rod, not too much has happened since we last saw this team. They had been led by Byron Leftwich, most known for his backup role on the Steelers last year. (Don’t laugh, he has a Superbowl ring.)

Now? 99% of football fans couldn’t name one Marshall player.

If you really want a scouting report on this team, you’re not reading this site. But I wouldn’t waste your time. If we struggle at all, there will be bigger fish to fry.

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The Hokies
We’re fine. So long as we call a bootleg on every play. I’ve seen better pass blocking on the intramural fields.

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The Game
Despite being one of the easier games on our schedule, it is very important that we play well. Coming off a big loss to Alabama with Nebraska looming, a strong performance on Saturday will go a long way.

This isn’t to say we should overlook this game. Quite the opposite. We need to win this game by 30 points. If we struggle, we’ll be lucky to get out of September with only two losses.

Of course we want to keep everyone healthy, but I say game plan the shit out of this game… sorry, I said game plan. I forgot that’s not really in our bag of tricks.

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Your Pump Up Song of the Week (other than Metallica)
In honor of the WORLD CHAMPION PITTSBURGH STEELERS playing tonight, we’ll hit you with a little Styx Renegade…

Who wants to powerhour?

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Replacement Offensive Coordinator
Yes, we are no longer just looking for a good luck hero. We need results. And the only way is to replace Voldemort with someone worth a damn.

We figure that the best way to take down Marshall is with a marshal.

Who do we want calling our plays?

Marshal Samuel Gerard

Beamer: I didn’t call for this non-draw play.

Marshal Gerard: I don’t care.

LET’S GO HOKIES!!!

Hokies to honor Frank Loria

September 10, 2009

According to Hokiesports.com:

During the game with Marshall, the Hokies will wear maroon helmets with orange and white stripes and the old T within the V logo, in honor of Tech great Frank Loria. The helmet is a replica of the one worn by Loria during a brilliant Tech career. The Clarksburg, W.Va., native earned first-team All-America honors at safety in 1966 and went on to become Virginia Tech’s first consensus All-American as a senior in 1968.

Loria was a member of the Marshall University coaching staff when he died in the tragic Marshall plane crash in 1970. Loria was selected a charter member when the Virginia Tech Sports Hall of Fame was established in 1982.

In addition to the throwback helmets, this game is the White Out game which aims to promote reading across the Commonwealth.


I don’t know about you, but I think the old-style VT is badass. I hope the team keeps this as a regular part of their uniform for at least one or two games a year. It would be cool if we wore this and the throwback jerseys to the bowl game every year. I say we start a movement to get the throwbacks as our bowl unis. Who’s with me?

Anyways, in summary, nicely done, Virginia Tech. Keep making us proud.

This makes me feel a little better

September 10, 2009

Now as we approach the second weekend of college football, certain things are being released from last weekend that expose how tightly wound the fans of major teams get at the start of the season. This is one of them.

Damn. And I mean damn. I’ve yelled at my fair share of TV screens before, but never even anything close to this. Damn. I can only imagine this was at the point where we were winning, because if he was this upset and they were winning then he better get an emergency defibrillator installed in his house because he’s not making it through the entire season without his heart popping like a balloon. Few things to note here:

1. Due to his thick southern accent, this rant sounds kind of polite and less harsh despite all the cursing.

2. How awkward must he be around his friends now that Alabama ended up winning?

3. How awkward must he be around the girl he called “slut” to her face?

4. Did he really think they could hear him threaten to come to Atlanta and blow their head off?

5. Overall, I didn’t think the refereeing was that bad. Was he watching a different game or something?

Let’s hope Marshall fans are a bit more demure than this guy.

Miami tickets back on sale

September 9, 2009

Apparently Miami’s fans are awful and don’t travel, so they just released a bunch of tickets for the Miami game. Just got some myself. Here’s the link, though I don’t know how much longer they will be available.

VT Ticket Office

Update: 4:30 and there are still tickets available.

Thoughts on the Alabama game

September 9, 2009

Alright, so it’s already Wednesday and we haven’t put anything out about the game. So here is the best we’re going to muster.

  • We lost. We didn’t lose big but we still lost. We were winning up until about 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter. I foresee the fourth quarter being our worst enemy this season which is a really bad thing. I don’t know if it was our conditioning that was weak or the fact that our defense was on the field for almost three complete quarters. That’s right, possession shook up as 37:02 to 22:58. That is not healthy. That shit comes back and bites you in the ass in the fourth quarter. Exhibit A: This game.
  • Our offense wasn’t on the field for very long because of two things: 1. Alabama’s defense is really good, and 2. Our offense is extremely predictable. The announcers (Kirk) were even commenting about how one of Alabama’s strategies before the game was to rely on the predictability of our offense. Just wonderful. They were showing stats before the game, and I don’t remember the context – something like the bowl game or the last three games of the season or something, but basically it was out of 110 plays, we passed for 10 of them. I mean come on. Every defense you play against is going to know you’re running the ball. And it would be different if you had like 80 plays where you changed up the ball carrier or direction, but we don’t. It’s Tyrod around the side in a scramble, or a back/Tyrod up the middle. That’s it. There are flashes where plays that are imaginative and creative come up, but that factors in to the 10 our of 110 plays. That’s just not enough. We need to keep defense on their toes. Or heels. Either one works.
  • Ryan Williams is going to be a perfectly fine substitute for Darren Evans.
  • We, finally, weren’t the team losing our focus and piling up the penalties. Only 6 for 45 yards compared to 10 for 83 by Alabama. We just need to keep that going.
  • I don’t know if it was a fluke, but our special teams – the offensive aspect of it – was actually not half bad. A return for a TD and some decent field position is nice to see.
  • There is one number that stood out to me in this game. 62. As in Blake DeChristopher on our offensive line. He could have single-handedly cost us this game. Now that is obviously a general statement, but he did his fair share of acting like a sieve and letting the defense go untouched to Tyrod. Namely on our last drive where Taylor got sacked. Guy came straight from DeChristopher’s side and Blake didn’t feel like getting in his way. Now I don’t know if he had other things on his mind, ie. his girlfriend broke up with him, he’s worried about his advanced physics class starting up, he couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart were ever going to get back together, but he needs to clean that shit up. Put your enormous body in the path of a defender and at least slow him down to give your QB a fraction of a second to get away.
  • Why did we stop wearing the old school white unis with the maroon and orange stripe on the shoulders? They had been working very well for us last year. Why stop now? I say bring them back. They were simple, they were understated, and they made us fucking win.
  • We can chalk this up to Alabama’s good defense again, but we mustered only 155 yards on offense. They had 498. It’s a shock we only lost by 10. This goes back to the whole point of our offense. It’s wayyy too predictable.
  • Staying on the predictable offense vein, we had four players rush in the game. One was a receiver who only had one attempt. Another was Tyrod who had ten rushes (and -26 total yards, so some of those “rushes” were actually sacks). That leaves two backs who got 19 of the 30 rush attempts. Add Tyrod in and we had three players making 97% of the rushes. Alabama had 7 players. Granted Ingram had almost half, but there were 6 other players who they would uses to keep us on our toes.
  • Our kicking game is solid again. And we’re really going to miss Brent Bowden when he gets up and leaves.
  • Overall, we didn’t play a terrible game, and this is a game that we could have won. It looks like we will resign ourselves to peaking with the Orange Bowl and settle on having our pinnacle game be the ACC Championship, just as it is every year. This is already getting fucking boring. Lose the first game, win 10 more, repeat. I don’t really have too many suggestions for Coach Beamer, but I think it’s clear that we need to get some standout talent on the field and get coaches (and a coordinator) who know how to exploit that talent rather than fall back on it in emergency situations.

Add your thoughts in the comment section.