Archive for the ‘LSU sucks’ Category

Hatefest 2009: Why we hate… LSU

July 31, 2009

There are just so many reasons for the Hokies to hate on LSU. Most are so obvious, do we even need to get into them? Yes. Yes we do.


The Town
Baton Rouge isn’t quite New Orleans, but it’s still in Louisiana. It’s like the worst of both worlds.

The stadium is nicknamed “Death Valley”. Just like Clemson. And that shitty place out west. Coupled with the amazing creativity of the “Tiger” mascot, LSU just oozes originality.

The Team
Ugh, they’re pretty damn good. Two BCS Championship in this decade, and a slew of BCS bowl wins. Doesn’t mean they don’t suck.
The 2007 game is enough to make you want to punch babies. Sure, we turned it around eventually that year, but no one should have to take that kind of shellacking during such a hyped up game. Well, no one outside of Columbus, Ohio.
No one actually cares about anyone on the team. Seriously, name a player. No one cares.
Now the coaches? Well they are the worst human beings on the planet. Nick Saban might actually be the devil.

And just look at Les Miles.

The only way the guy could look like a bigger douche would be if he put on an ATO shirt.


The Students/Alumni/Fans
Fall 2002. As a wide-eyed Lee Hall-dwelling freshman, your humble editor was more than excited for the big game against LSU. Saturday night? Eh, let’s go take a look around downtown… HOLYFREAKINGCRAP! Riot police? For real? I thought I got out of Morgantown.

Yes, LSU fans are known for having started a riot in the smallest town to ever have a riot. Congratulations guys, you were big enough asshats to get a town of 30,000 to go insane.

How’d that game turn out, by the way?

Of course, there are plenty of alumni, mostly due to the rigid “700 SAT score or higher” rule. The aforementioned Jamarcus Russell and Shaquille O’Neal are both notables. Though, according to the documentary Blue Chips, Shaq was paid to play there.

You also have James Carville, best known for his role in Old School. Also known for being “circus ugly”.

Now let me get off the usual track and onto my pedestal. We received a great Hatefest email from avid reader, Kristin. (We are using the term “avid reader” pretty loosely.) I will allow her to explain watching the debacle that was the 2007 LSU game at a sports bar with some Hokies and Tiger fans interspersed:

There was one LSU fan in particular who seemed to be running his mouth more than anyone – I thought he was great at first, despite the fact he looked like a tool. Allow me to describe: blonde FoHawk, black-painted fingernails, yellow LSU shirt, and camo cargo shorts…an ensemble to be reckoned with apparently. His camaraderie soon turned sour when he began standing up in front of the projector as our team was lined up on the field and proceeded to make his hand shadow into the shape of a gun and started “shooting” our players.

Yeah, it was the game 5 months after 4/16.

So let this be a lesson to you: one person can define the entire fanhood. There are probably a million LSU fans out there. But this one donkey-f*ck defined all Tiger fans for K. But she put it better than I ever could:

It’s pretty sad that I’m basing the majority of my hatred on one insignificant waste of space in the universe, but I guess it’s true that your team is only as good as your worst player.

So kids, don’t be a douche. If someday I finally summon the courage to walk up to a girl at a bar, I’d rather not get shut down because she was once kicked in the face by a VT fan. I can manage to get shut down on my own.

/end pedestal sequence

Since the fan section went on so long, we’ll bump the “Tiger Bait” portion to here.

While I didn’t actually attend the 2007 game, I did gather from just about anyone that went that the rumors about SEC fans are true: they are the most annoying people in the history of life.

Yeah, we freaking get it, Tiger Bait. Again with the originality. The guy 20 feet before you said the exact same thing. You probably heard him!

About as clever as a WVU fan’s f-bomb usage.