Archive for the ‘Cold Pizza’ Category

Luke-warm Pizza

January 26, 2007

While we really don’t care either way about Cold Pizza, we often wondered how such a show was begun. A morning show, but with sports. So first we need to examine the idea of a morning show. While we’re not sexist, the reason that morning shows exist is that more women stay at home than men. Thus, their programming tends towards that demographic. So a morning sports show? Seriously, not many women like sports. Let’s just say it. So how do you sell this show? Here’s how:

Salesman: We want to pitch you a show. It’s a live show.
ESPN Bigwig: We don’t do live shows.
S: No no, not a news show. It’s a morning show.
E: Like that chick show the View? Or Regis and that one chick?
S: Pretty much. But here’s the kicker. We do it about sports.
E: What time will this show air?
S: 10-12, then the same show from 12-2.
E: But guys work then. Most people work then. You want me to put on a live broadcast from 10 am – 2 pm?
S: Not just me. The people want it.
E: You are talking to the network that replays the 2004 World Series of Poker at 8 pm. So what kind of stuff are we putting on?
S: Basically softball interviews with flash-in-the-pan celebs and athletes. But we’ll also have a one-on-one part. 2 guys that don’t like each other will debate sports issues.
E: We have that. It’s called PTI.
S: Yeah, but these guys are always wrong.
E: …go on.
S: Well, that pretty much sums it up.
E: So what do we do then? Replay the episodes later in the day, so people can actually watch?
S: Nope. But we do replay the part with the 2 guys debating.
E: Oh ok. So when do we put them on so people at work can see?
S: 4 pm.
E: Do you or have you ever had a job? People don’t get home until 5:30. Why do you think we put “Around the Horn” on at 5? Who the hell are we targeting.
S: One word: College students.
E: Ugh.
S: Seriously. You guys are getting crushed by “Becker” on TBS.
E: …go on.
S: How do we portray that “college student” image? With the “I’m a cool college kid” title: Cold Pizza. Its hip, stylish, can be abbreviated to CP.
E: College kids do like the leftovers and Ramen. They’re also all about the abreeves.
S: And don’t worry about the costs. We’ll put almost no money into programming, use and old warehouse for a set, and steal a bunch of sports stuff off the walls at Applebees.
E: I’m sold. If this doesn’t work, we can always put a webcam in the studio of a radio show and call it TV.