Archive for the ‘hookers’ Category

ShamWow Pitchman gets handcuffs slap-chopped on him

March 30, 2009

According to the SmokingGun.com, Vince Shlomi was arrested last month in Miami after hitting a hooker in the face. Yeah, I don’t know why this is an arrestable offense either, but I guess in Miami it is. Apparently, the hooker, Sasha Harris was paid by Shlomi to have “straight sex” for $1000. How they would have gay sex when they are both of different genders is beyond me, but hey, I don’t know much about the sex-for-sale world.

Anyway, Harris then bit Shlomi’s tongue while they were kissing and wouldn’t let go, thus leading to Shlomi punching Harris several times until she released his tongue.

They both were arrested, but no charges were filed against either of them.

Apparently Shlomi is 44 years old. Maybe it’s the faux-hawk, maybe it’s the highlights, or maybe its the effortless way he makes sundae toppings with the Slap-Chop, I don’t know, but he doesn’t look 44 in the commercials. In his mugshot he does, but not the commercials. I mean I wouldn’t want to buy a ShamWow from an old ass dude, because he wouldn’t identify with me, but they had me believing that Vince Shlomi was around my age, thus leading me to buy 7 slap-chops and 11 sets of ShamWows, and that, my friends, is marketing genius.

Oh yeah, and as a moral aside, it’s not good to hit hookers. Or anyone for that matter. Hookers have feelings, too.

UPDATE: Is it me or does this ShamWow guy look like Moe Szyslak?

The A-Rod Floodgates

March 23, 2009

On top of all the news that recently came out about A-rod, we now have this hilariously ridiculous story from The Sporting News:

Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez was more than a customer of Kristin Davis’ high-priced prostitution ring — he dated the former Manhattan madam too, according to an explosive report.

This guy, words can’t say how awful this guy is at maintaining a good public image. I mean this guy must think he is invincible from all bad press (even though he has proven time and again he isn’t). First the cheating on his wife in Toronto, then his wife wearing that FU shirt to a game, then the Madonna thing, then the opting out thing during the Red Sox World Series win, then the Jeter drama, then the steroids, then “Details” atricle, then the debacle over his asking to remove the Madonna song reference in the “Details” article, and now this. Whew. I’m tired just typing this. Imagine living it.

But in order to do all of this stuff and not think that any, if not all, of it was going to become public means one of two things. 1. You planned it all and want to be made to look like a badass who doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything or 2. You are the dumbest person alive and have hired a terrible PR rep. I’m going with number 2.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a player going from the highest paid athlete in history to the most laughed at and ridiculed athlete in such a short time. I guess it’s just another record A-rod is setting.