Archive for April, 2009

Just go away

April 30, 2009
Nice jorts, douche.

According to the Star-Ledger (Newark, NJ), Brett Favre has asked, and received, his release from the J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets.

Now there are people in the sports world saying that he may be in talks with the Vikings about coming back. This is getting stupid. He wasn’t good in his last year with the Packers and he sure as hell wasn’t good with the Jets this past season. He needs to take his wranglers and move on to some other career. Coaching (high school only), commercials, broadcasting (NFL network only), hell, write a friggin’ book, I don’t care, but DO NOT play football anymore. No one cares about you anymore.

Apparently a plane flew into the Hattiesburg airport from Minneapolis and left some time later to go back to Minnesota. This is the source for the rumors about Favre possibly going to the Vikes. If that sounds like kinda of a reach, know this – there were only 5 flights in and 6 flights out that day. so for you math nerds that would mean that 20% of the flights into the airport were from Minneapolis and 16.666% of the flights out of the Hattiesburg airport were heading to Minneapolis. I don’t know why I just wrote all of that, but I’m bored and you read it so it served it’s purpose.

Bottom line is that Favre needs to go away now. The end.

Now back to our regularly scheduled topics

April 30, 2009

We may have lost our way, but we remember what is at the heart of this blog: Virginia Tech football. Hence the name “The North End Zone”. Get it? It’s the name of the student section at Lane Stadium. The football stadium that the Hokies play in. Get it?

Anyways, a SportsIllustrated.com writer just posted his pre-season Top 25 teams. Guess where we are. Here’s a hint: it’s the number of posts CGally had this month. That’s right, we’re number 5.

Now there are some out there that are very excited that we’re ranked so high. There are also some out there that may think there are a lot of us out here who are excited about being number 5. But if I had to render a guess, I would place the majority of Hokie Nation as “less than amused” at being thrown in with the likes of Florida, Texas, Oklahoma, and USC.

For one, this sets high standards that we have not reached since 1999. Those top 4 are perennial threats for the BCS Championship, and we have been to all of one. And we lost.

Secondly, this puts a bullseye on our back for everyone we play (including ‘Bama – at #10 – in our first game) and we generally don’t handle that well. We are more of a “don’t look at us and we will do well” kind of team.

Thirdly, I honestly don’t think we have that kind of talent. Then again, pre-season rankings mean less than CGally’s promises, so we shoudn’t hold onto this as a solid prediction. We can be a strong team, and I don’t forsee us in the top 5 at the end of the season, but there is no reason (well maybe one reason – STINESPRIIING!) we can’t finish atop the ACC and within the Top 10.

Before we let this whole pre-season top 5 ranking go to our collective head, let’s just remember who has been predicted to win the ACC the last, like, 18 years. Clemson. How many times have they even been a factor? Pretty much never. What we need to do is go in with our heads down (in the gritty way, not the feeling depressed way) and take care of business. The time to rest on our laurels is when we actually have the laurels to rest on and not a minute before. Because we know what happens when we pat ourselves on the back before the game is over: Two touchdowns, lost game, opposing quaterback gets hit on by every broadcaster in America, signs a multimillion dollar contract with the Falcons, becomes one of the better rookie QBs in the league, and we get that video replayed while we’re watching NFL games until he retires.

And the winner of the TV Theme Madness is…

April 29, 2009

Well, only one person knows and he hasn’t posted the results for our lonely eyes.

I think I speak for everyone when I say:

GET ON IT, CGALLY.

In case you were wondering, this is what CGally has been doing with his time:

He’s the one in the pink dress.

I found my birthday present

April 29, 2009


For those of you cool enough to get HBO, you better have watched Eastbound and Down when it had it’s 6-episode try out. Otherwise, you wouldn’t get this picture. The show was effing hilarious. Here are some memorable quotes from the show:

“There is one vision that gives me constant happiness, your two enormous breasts.”

“Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless”

“I’m not going to stop yelling because that would mean, I lost the fight!”

Moving on to Round 2

April 29, 2009

Yes, we are the only blog that is brave enough to have TWO (2) NHL posts IN A ROW. We’re ballsy and you know it.

Last night the Caps beat the Rangers 2-1 in a choke job by the Rangers reminiscent of the NY Mets over the last two years. The Rangers were leading the series 3-1 and lost it all in game 7. “Fans” in DC are celebrating ecstatically.

The Hurricanes have done it again, and pulled one out of their asses in the last minute twenty to score two goals and lock up game 7 of their series.

Looking ahead, the match ups for round 2 have been announced and just to bring it full circle, we have the Penguins playing the Capitals, with the Pens being the 4-seed to the Caps 2-seed. We also have the Bruins taking on the Hurricanes. This one is tough, because I am rooting for the Bruins, but there are still some deeply buried sympathies for the former Whalers. But, there is no time like the present, and I will put away those sympathies and cheer on the Bears.

On a side note, when the ‘Canes won the Stanley Cup a few years ago, they were playing the Edmonton Oilers, and won the cup 4 games to 3. Two of those games were lost solely because the announcer at the rink played Brass Bonanza, the old Whalers theme song. The local radio station host said that they would never play the theme song again unless the Mayor of Edmonton called and requested it. He did, and guess what. They lost the third game. The song was not played again for the rest of the series and the ‘Canes went on to win the Cup. Soooo, below is Brass Bonanza (you may recognize it from NHL ’94?). Listen to it. Enjoy it. Play it in front of any Hurricanes player you come across. Let it work it’s magic.

Oh there’s nothing on earth like a certified, electrified game 7

April 28, 2009

Yes folks, tonight is why God invented seven game series. So that people in Washington can pretend they’ve rooted for the Caps since pre-Alex O.

Washington takes on the Rangers tonight, in what has been a ridiculous series. The Rangers have had two chances to put away the Caps, but their goalie, Lundqvist (spelling? ah no one’ll notice), decided that he’d rather give up a shit ton of goals and sit out the 3rd period of each game.

Caps toughman Donald Brashear received a five game suspension (plus one more game for overall douchebaggery) for this hit during game 6:

The DC area has been pretty livid about this, which is understandable in that he won’t be able to play at all when the Caps get swept in the next round. But their reasoning is that it was a clean hit, also proving their fanhood did not start before February.

That’s interference, roughing, and elbowing, folks. Plain and simple. Blair passed the puck, and was skating towards the bench. No, it wasn’t called on the ice, but neither are a lot of other calls.

If the Rangers had any balls, Brashear should feel lucky to be out for this game. Any normal team would be head hunting. Too bad the Rangers are kind of pansies.

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In the other matchup, the Devils face the Hurricanes. No one really cares about either team, but the play will be top notch. Thus far, there have been two overtime games, and one game was decided with .2 seconds remaining in regulation. Neither team has won two games in a row. The Canes have a guy named Staal that’s good, and the Devils have Broduer. You are now informed.

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The Penguins (WOOOOOOOOO!!!) and the Bruins (The Northerner: WHOOOOOO?) have already won their matchups. The NHL reseeds after round 1, and we’re not going to bother listing out the possible matchups in the East. Suffice it to say that Penguin fans are rooting for at least one lower seed victory to avoid the en fuego Bruins.

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The West was decided last night, with a shocking win of #8 Anaheim over the #1 Sharks. If you have no team to root for, take Anaheim and enjoy the ride… until they lose to the Red Wings in the next round.

The Canucks will try to keep Canada in the headlines as they face the Blackhawks. If you know a player on either team, you’re not reading this blog.

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The fun starts tonight at 7 pm. Good luck to all participants.

Weekend Recap

April 27, 2009

Absolutely gorgeous weekend these last few days. It felt like summer. Took the dog to the lake and let him go swimming for the first time this year, went to the Bronx Zoo and saw the animals nap in the heat, and drank some man cans on a rooftop deck while watching a wedding below in Midtown. It was a pretty good weekend. Needless to say, there was also a lot of sports related news that came down the pipe.

1. The NFL Draft was the centerpiece of the weekend. The Lions got Matt Stafford on Friday, to no ones surprise. One somewhat big surprise was that the Jets traded up to the number five slot and picked up Mark “Dirty” Sanchez. Let’s see how he handles the “New York Media”. (For those of you who don’t really get the NY Media it’s like this: You eff up they’ll be calling for your head. You do well, they’ll be unimpressed. Your name is Derek Jeter, they will make excuses for you all day long. That’s it. That’s the New York Media.) The Pats had a very large quantity of draft picks in the second round. Can’t wait to see how they work out. First round = flashy stars, second round = real players.

2. In Virginia Tech draft news, Macho Harris was the only Tech player to be drafted this year, in a pretty shallow draft class from the Hokies. He went in the fifth round with the 157th overall pick to the Iggles. I think we can all agree that we can no longer root for Macho Harris. It’s been fun, but we have principles. They may be few in number and kind of ridiculous, but they’re principles, dammit.

3. In a crash reminiscent of The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Carl Edwards wrecked his car on the final turn of the race and then jogged from his burning car to the finish line to finish 24th. Seven fans were hurt by debris when his car flew into the fence, but no one was seriously injured. The douchenozzle who nudged him to incite the crash eventually won and was doing his burnouts on the track whilst Edwards picked himself out of the flaming car. NASCAR: Nothing but class.

4. The first round of the hockey playoffs are still going on, and the Caps have brought the series with the Rangers to a 3-3 tie, making this next game a must win for both teams. The Rangers looks like crap and the Caps are basically spitting in their faces and getting away with it. Kinda makes you wonder how the Rangers won three games so far.

5. The NBA playoffs are starting to get mildly interesting in that the Cavs swept the Pistons and the Celtics are struggling against the Bulls. The Celtics lost to Chicago in a 2OT thriller and the series is tied at 2-2. Alright this is too tough, because I really don’t care. Moving on.

6. Saving the best for last (if you though I wasn’t going to talk about this, then you’re nucking futs), the Men of Boston embarrassed the Boys of New York in more ways than one. First they have the audacity to make Mariano get his first blown save of the season. Then they have the gall to come back from a 3-run deficit and score 16 runs when the Yankees put up a man-sized 11 runs. Then they put the nail in the coffin by sweeping the series and having Jacoby Ellsbury straight-steal home in the fifth inning. It brought tears to my eyes, it really did. The look on Andy Pettite’s face just paid this month’s rent. Oh by the way, the Sox have now won 10 in a row. They also just added a player to their roster. His name is Dom I. Nation.

That’s all we got for now. If you think we forgot anything, let us know in the comments section. Otherwise, join me in basking in the post Red Sox-Yankees series glow. It’s the only tan I get.

UPDATE: The ‘Skins just signed undrafted QB Chase Daniel from Mizzou. They now have four QBs in Campbell, Collins, Brennan, and Daniel. This means that they are either going to deal one or two of them, or Dan Snyder is starting a collection of sub-par quarterbacks. Sadly, I’m going with the latter.

The Steelers and Cards are screwed

April 24, 2009
Dat’s alotta hair.

It looks like the Steelers and Cardinals will not be making it to the Super Bowl next year seeing as how their most important players, Troy Polamalu and Larry Fitzgerald, respectively, are going to have season-ending injuries in the first few games.

What prompts this prediction?

For the first time in its storied — some say cursed — history, the cover of EA Sports’ “Madden NFL” video game will feature two cover athletes: Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu and Arizona Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald.

Never before have we seen two players absorb the Madden curse at once. And adding the fact that Madden will not be announcing any games this upcoming season will only make it worse. I wouldn’t be shocked if one of these guys got career-ending injuries. I’m not hoping for that to happen, I’m just saying.

I wonder if the players’ who are featured on the cover have their insurance go up when the company finds out about it.

Nice little gem said by MIst8fan on the ESPN comment page:

The good news for Lions fans: Detroit plays both of those teams this year. The bad news: The curse still will not be enough to help them win those games.

Found him.

April 24, 2009

This is the guy who voted 50 times for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Well, I’m sure it would be one of the people (?) here.

Interestingly, I found this picture on the “CGally family reunion” site. Hmmm…

Don’t be a douche…

April 24, 2009

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles received 50 votes in a minute and 15 seconds yesterday.

As popular as the theme may be, please don’t be a douche (…ahhem… Northerner).

Leave that up to the professionals at UVA.