Archive for the ‘Washington Capitals’ Category

Just make sure he’s still breathing

May 12, 2009

In case you see CGally sometime in the next 24 hours, just do as the header says and make sure the kid is still breathing. He can stay laying on the couch in a puddle of his own bodily waste, but check to make sure there is air going in and out. That shit last night was a heartbreaker. I’ve never heard an arena/stadium go that quiet that quickly in my life.

I’m guessing it’s safe to say we won’t be getting any posts from CGally today. You’re stuck with me again, suckers!

Weekend recap

May 11, 2009

This weekend was Mother’s Day, so I hope you all called your mom since she went through the trouble of sleeping with your dad and then pushing you out of her private region. That can’t be fun for anyone.

1. The Bruins finally woke the eff up and shutout the Hurricanes last night to make the series 3-2 in favor of Carolina. Let’s hope the Bruins keep this up, take the series back to Boston for game 6, and get down to this winning business. The losing joke isn’t funny anymore. Oh and Ward might be out due to a sucker punch which came because apparently Ward didn’t know that when you fight, people move their fists at your face in a fast motion. The Ward on the Bruins, not the Canes goalie. Damn.

The Penguins and Capitals have themselves involved in quite the catfight. The Pens are up 3-2 in the series, and the Capitals are looking to recoup and get revenge. Stay tuned to see how this turns out. (Spoiler alert: One of them wins.)

2. The Yankees beat the Orioles last night on Judas Damon’s three-run homer in the 7th. The score doesn’t matter. The big story of this game that has all of New York up in arms is that Aubrey Huff had the nerve, THE NERVE, to fist pump in Joba’s direction after he jacked one in the first. See, the overly excited fist pump in the opponents direction is Joba’s thing.

Now I know you guys are going to point out to me that Papelbon does the same thing when he gets the save and goes nuts and looks ridiculous, because that’s what you guys do, jerks. But I’m going to say this to preemptively rebut your argument. Papelbon is justified when he does it at home. He can do whatever the eff he wants when he does it at home. If he does it on the road (which he usually doesn’t) then he deserves to get his shit rocked.

Joba on the other hand, does it at home, on the road, in the locker room, at the bar, when he brings home a guy (yes in this joke Joba is gay), and after he brushes his teeth. He does it too much. He also did it last year when he struck out Aubrey Huff. (Note: Huff played on the Orioles last year, too. Wow, you struck out an Oriole. Good job.) So in my opinion, Huff was completely justified and gave the Orioles some street cred by throwing it in the face of the Bush League Wonder.

3. Tiger Woods is playing like crap (Tiger’s standards) and finished eighth in this weekend’s tourney. Something has got to be wrong with him. It could either be the fact that his knee isn’t back to full strength, he has some little pipsqueaks running around his house now, or his wife is insatiable and keeps sucking the energy from him on a daily basis. You be the judge.

4. The Celtics came out and evened the series against the gay-ly named Magic at two games apiece while the series moves back up to Beantown. Big Baby hit a jumper as time ran out to put the C’s up by one to end the game. Annnnnnd we’re done with basketball for this post.

5. Some tennis guy apparently did coke and got caught. His name is Richard Gasquet and he’s ranked 23rd. Now he’s banned and he denies doing coke, even though he had both pee tests come up positive. Someone needs to tell him to just come out and admit it, because cocaine isn’t like PEDs where there are several different things you could take grouped under a single name-umbrella. Coke is coke. You don’t take something from GNC or prescribed by your doctor and then suddenly see that “oh, shit, there was cocaine in that” when the test comes around. The only thing you can take to give a positive cocaine test is: Cocaine. Oh, he’s also French, and a douchnozzle.

6. The Jets, in a fully thought-out and highly intelligent move, are rumored to be going after free agent Adam Jones. That would be Adam “Pacman” Jones. Don’t worry, I have already said some prayers, lit some candles, slaughtered a baby goat and danced naked in the rain at exactly midnight to make sure this thing happens. Nothing would be better than to see all the hard work and smart moves the Jets have made thus far vanish in the stroke of a pen when the disease that is Pacman comes to their team. Keep your fingers crossed.

In honor of Mother’s Day, here is an instant classic from SNL:

Things not looking good?

May 5, 2009

Since CGally hasn’t posted anything about this yet we’re going to assume that he is one of three options: 1) Hungover/still drunk to the extreme that he has slept the day away 2) Too depressed by the events that he is avoiding all contact with anything even remotely sports related or 3) Dead.

Hopefully it’s one of the first two.

Many of you may have caught the game between the Capitals and the Penguins last night. It was a barn burner. Sid the Kid gets a hat trick only to be out dueled by Ovechkin (who also got a hat trick) whose team ending up winning by one. This puts the Caps up in the series 2-0, and look ready to shut it down in the next two games if the Pens don’t get off their lazy asses and play like men.

I would never admit this to his ugly face, but I feel bad for CGally and hope the Penguins win this series if only for the two reasons that they would then play Boston in the next round and it would shut all the stupid frontrunning DC fans up until they can start complaining about the Redskins.

So pick it up Pittsburgh! Man up and score some goals. More than the other team. Get. It. Done.

Moving on to Round 2

April 29, 2009

Yes, we are the only blog that is brave enough to have TWO (2) NHL posts IN A ROW. We’re ballsy and you know it.

Last night the Caps beat the Rangers 2-1 in a choke job by the Rangers reminiscent of the NY Mets over the last two years. The Rangers were leading the series 3-1 and lost it all in game 7. “Fans” in DC are celebrating ecstatically.

The Hurricanes have done it again, and pulled one out of their asses in the last minute twenty to score two goals and lock up game 7 of their series.

Looking ahead, the match ups for round 2 have been announced and just to bring it full circle, we have the Penguins playing the Capitals, with the Pens being the 4-seed to the Caps 2-seed. We also have the Bruins taking on the Hurricanes. This one is tough, because I am rooting for the Bruins, but there are still some deeply buried sympathies for the former Whalers. But, there is no time like the present, and I will put away those sympathies and cheer on the Bears.

On a side note, when the ‘Canes won the Stanley Cup a few years ago, they were playing the Edmonton Oilers, and won the cup 4 games to 3. Two of those games were lost solely because the announcer at the rink played Brass Bonanza, the old Whalers theme song. The local radio station host said that they would never play the theme song again unless the Mayor of Edmonton called and requested it. He did, and guess what. They lost the third game. The song was not played again for the rest of the series and the ‘Canes went on to win the Cup. Soooo, below is Brass Bonanza (you may recognize it from NHL ’94?). Listen to it. Enjoy it. Play it in front of any Hurricanes player you come across. Let it work it’s magic.