Archive for the ‘weekend recap’ Category

Weekend Recap

May 18, 2009

I’m tired, so this might go fast without too many jokes. So basically nothing will change.

1. The Magic upended the Celts last night to finish off the hopes of a repeat for the boys in green. The Lakers also won over the Rockets to advance to the Western Conference finals. Only roughly 21 more games and the NBA is out of the news for a few weeks. I can’t wait.

2. Rachel Alexandra beat up on the field in the Preakness Saturday, just outlasting the Derby winner, Mine That Bird. Sober people in the infield were unamused.

3. The Yankees have now won three straight games in walk-off fashion. Joe Mauer had a crazy ass play during the game with a diving tag out at home, but the stupid heads from NY still got lucky and came off the field as the winners, thanks to Judas Damon. The Yankees are now only 1.5 games behind the Sox after the Sox drop 2 of 3 in Seattle. This losing shit has got to stop because I will be real pissed if they lose either of the two games I’m going to in Boston this weekend against the Mets. Real pissed.

4. In a weird mix-up in Cleveland, the Rays were forced to let their pitcher hit a la National League. Evan Longoria was supposed to be the DH and Ben Zobrist to be the 3B, but both were listed at 3B thus forcing one of them to sit out. Longoria took the bench spot, and Andy Sonnastine went 1 for 3 with an RBI and strikeout. Suffice it to say, I’m sure Joe Maddon will be checking his line up card twice before he hands it to the ump.

5. Roger Federer beat Rafael Nadal in true upset fashion. It was on clay (breaking Nadal’s 33-match clay winning streak) and it was in Madrid (Nadal’s home country). I don’t know much about tennis, but I pretty sure this is a huge upset. If there is anyone out there who is classy enough to know anything about tennis, give us your take on this. Full disclosure: I’m not expecting any responses.

6. In news that honestly, no one cares about, Michael Phelps pulled his second straight runner-up finish in non-olympic swimming. Two things here. 1. It’s probably not because he smoked pot or got fat or anything during his suspension. It might have something to do with the fact that the London Olympics are 3.5 years away and there’s no drive in him to win right now and 2. There are swimming competitions outside the Olympics and high school/college?! who knew?

Hopefully we can get some stories from CGally’s trip to NYC this weekend. He came up to the WP for lunch, but then disappeared as quickly as he got here. Let’s hear ’em, man whore.

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Weekend recap

May 11, 2009

This weekend was Mother’s Day, so I hope you all called your mom since she went through the trouble of sleeping with your dad and then pushing you out of her private region. That can’t be fun for anyone.

1. The Bruins finally woke the eff up and shutout the Hurricanes last night to make the series 3-2 in favor of Carolina. Let’s hope the Bruins keep this up, take the series back to Boston for game 6, and get down to this winning business. The losing joke isn’t funny anymore. Oh and Ward might be out due to a sucker punch which came because apparently Ward didn’t know that when you fight, people move their fists at your face in a fast motion. The Ward on the Bruins, not the Canes goalie. Damn.

The Penguins and Capitals have themselves involved in quite the catfight. The Pens are up 3-2 in the series, and the Capitals are looking to recoup and get revenge. Stay tuned to see how this turns out. (Spoiler alert: One of them wins.)

2. The Yankees beat the Orioles last night on Judas Damon’s three-run homer in the 7th. The score doesn’t matter. The big story of this game that has all of New York up in arms is that Aubrey Huff had the nerve, THE NERVE, to fist pump in Joba’s direction after he jacked one in the first. See, the overly excited fist pump in the opponents direction is Joba’s thing.

Now I know you guys are going to point out to me that Papelbon does the same thing when he gets the save and goes nuts and looks ridiculous, because that’s what you guys do, jerks. But I’m going to say this to preemptively rebut your argument. Papelbon is justified when he does it at home. He can do whatever the eff he wants when he does it at home. If he does it on the road (which he usually doesn’t) then he deserves to get his shit rocked.

Joba on the other hand, does it at home, on the road, in the locker room, at the bar, when he brings home a guy (yes in this joke Joba is gay), and after he brushes his teeth. He does it too much. He also did it last year when he struck out Aubrey Huff. (Note: Huff played on the Orioles last year, too. Wow, you struck out an Oriole. Good job.) So in my opinion, Huff was completely justified and gave the Orioles some street cred by throwing it in the face of the Bush League Wonder.

3. Tiger Woods is playing like crap (Tiger’s standards) and finished eighth in this weekend’s tourney. Something has got to be wrong with him. It could either be the fact that his knee isn’t back to full strength, he has some little pipsqueaks running around his house now, or his wife is insatiable and keeps sucking the energy from him on a daily basis. You be the judge.

4. The Celtics came out and evened the series against the gay-ly named Magic at two games apiece while the series moves back up to Beantown. Big Baby hit a jumper as time ran out to put the C’s up by one to end the game. Annnnnnd we’re done with basketball for this post.

5. Some tennis guy apparently did coke and got caught. His name is Richard Gasquet and he’s ranked 23rd. Now he’s banned and he denies doing coke, even though he had both pee tests come up positive. Someone needs to tell him to just come out and admit it, because cocaine isn’t like PEDs where there are several different things you could take grouped under a single name-umbrella. Coke is coke. You don’t take something from GNC or prescribed by your doctor and then suddenly see that “oh, shit, there was cocaine in that” when the test comes around. The only thing you can take to give a positive cocaine test is: Cocaine. Oh, he’s also French, and a douchnozzle.

6. The Jets, in a fully thought-out and highly intelligent move, are rumored to be going after free agent Adam Jones. That would be Adam “Pacman” Jones. Don’t worry, I have already said some prayers, lit some candles, slaughtered a baby goat and danced naked in the rain at exactly midnight to make sure this thing happens. Nothing would be better than to see all the hard work and smart moves the Jets have made thus far vanish in the stroke of a pen when the disease that is Pacman comes to their team. Keep your fingers crossed.

In honor of Mother’s Day, here is an instant classic from SNL:

Weekend Recap

April 13, 2009

This weekend was Easter but that didn’t stop the sports world from keeping on. Here’s what happened.

1. The Boston University Terriers won the Frozen four in dramatic style, scoring two goals in the final minute to tie up the game with Miami (OH). The Terriers finished them off in OT to claim the Championship. Then everyone went back to not caring about college hockey.

2. The Red Sox are apprently playing baseball high on drugs because they haven’t been playing well. Thought it should be noted that “well” is a relative term, because if this was the Pirates, then they would be kicking ass right now. But alas, they are not, so the Sox are still hitting like shit.

3. In a related story, the Pirates got three outs on one play!

Edwin Encarnacion hit a blooper into short left that was easily caught by Jack Wilson, who threw to Freddy Sanchez at second base to double up Phillips. By then, Bruce was already at second, and Sanchez threw to first baseman Adam LaRoche to complete the triple play.

The first triple play of the season! Things might actually be looking good for the ol’ Buccos. Wait, what? Really? They still lost 2-0? Alright, well I apologize. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up. My bad.

4. Angel Cabrera outlasted Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell in the Masters on Sunday. The three ended regulation with a three-way tie and went into sudden death overtime. Campbell was eliminated on the first hole. Perry literally handed the title off to Cabrera. Perry hadn’t bogeyed a hole for 22 straight holes, and then shot two bogeys on the 17 and 18th holes to send it to OT. Then he muffed a chance to win on the first OT hole when Cabrera got lost in the woods and Perry finally got on his knees on the second hole to end the pain. This guy is a bigger choke artist than the 2004 Yankees.

5. The NHL regular season is over and the playoffs are about to start. Commence the general public’s viewing of hockey for the first time this year. Bruins all the way.

6. The fat-fat-fatty Byron Leftwich, who resembles an offensive lineman more than a QB has signed a two-year agreement with the TB Bucs. I’m sure the guy’s nice and all, and he’s got a decent arm, but how does he manage to stay active in the NFL up to this point? I mean the guy is built like CC Sabathia and is in one of the two most athletic professional sports (hockey being the other). I can understand a “big” baseball player (see: Wells, David) or basketball player (see: I don’t pay enough attention to basketball to know an example), but a fat NFL player that isn’t a lineman? Life is surprising.

Hope the Easter Bunny was nice to everyone, as opposed to my situation where the Easter Bunny broke into my house and stole my flat-panel TV, laptop, and the $150 I keep on my dresser. All he left was a single Cadbury Creme Egg. Talk about getting ripped off.

Weekend Recap

March 16, 2009

As always, a lot of stuff went down this weekend in the sports world. Let us go back in time and reminisce about these days past:

1. Yesterday was selection Sunday. We didn’t make the cut. But we are in the NIT. Winning the NIT is like being the coolest kid in Mathletes. In NCAA related news, three of the four one-seeds were handed out to Big East teams, with the fourth being UNC. This is UNC’s 13th one-seeding, the most ever by anyone. Good for them. I have them winning my bracket, so I’ll have to swallow my pride and cheer for them.

2. The USA lost to Puerto Rico. Wait, let me clarify. The USA got CRUSHED by Puerto Rico in the WBC. But it’s double-elimination, so they played again last night and beat up on the Netherlands. I was liking the Netherlands, you know since they shouldn’t be there and were the pokey underdogs, until Engelhardt jacked one in the eighth and stood there posing like he just won the game, even though he hit a solo home run to make the score 8-2 rather than 8-1. But the Dutch were eliminated and everyone is happy. Except the Dutch. And the Dominicans.

3. Jay Cutler is still really pissed at the Broncos for almost trading him for Matt Cassel, even though they say they really didn’t want to. And now he’s asking for a trade. Ha! He showed them.

4. Phil Mickelson won at Doral, beating Tiger for the trophy. Oh wait. What? Tiger finished tied for ninth? Really? Hmm. That’s interesting. Though the guy is still so damn good, he has NEVER finished outside the top ten. Ever.

5. Manny Ramirez finally got his long-awaited contract from the Dodgers. How does he repay them? Sitting out of his first few days of spring training with a “sore hammy”. Ha ha. Serves you right Dodgers. We warned you. Manny is now fat and happy and doesn’t need to play for his money no mo’.

6. Dustin Pedroia is hurt. He says it isn’t bad, and let’s all hope he’s right. The Sox are going to need him this year when they win the World Series. Though, it is destiny for them to win this year, so do they really need him?

That’s all we got, because we were outside most of the time this weekend doing some yardwork and enjoying the spring-like weather. Yeah, I bet you feel bad for sleeping until noon and playing XBox all weekend now, don’t you?

Weekend Recap

March 9, 2009

Well, this little column is looking like it might start being a regular feature here on the NEZ. Let’s get started:

1. We lost. Again. Though this time it was against FSU at their stadium so it wasn’t as heartbreaking as the previous two. Oh, but then it effectively killed our chances of getting into the NCAA tournament, so it was as heartbreaking.

2. A-Rod has elected to have surgery on his hip, putting him on the bench for 6-9 weeks. Some say that this is a secret suspension from the Commissioner’s office seeing as how Clemens and Giambi both got “injuries” right after they were found to have done steroids that lasted approximately the time of a steroids suspension. Also as evidence is that Bonds is one of the most prolific hitters in history and no one signed him last year. Call it what you want, but some say it might be a secret suspension along the lines of MJ in the 90s.

3. The US and Canada played a really good game on saturday, and I’m not being sarcastic about that. I was on the edge of my seat for a first-round WBC baseball game. The US ultimately won 6-5, but they may face off against Canada again to win the Pool outright, in hopefully another thriller. The US also beat Venezuela yesterday, but that was a blowout, 15-6. The US will play the winner of the Canada-Venezuela game for a chance to win the pool outright, even though the US is already advancing to Round 2.

4. Lovable Terrell Owens has signed with the Buffalo Bills. I think this was probably a good move for both teams. If he works out then good for them, they’ll still suck. If he doesn’t work out, then who the hell cares about a football team in Buffalo? It’s not like anyone is going to care if TO calls out, shit, I don’t even remember his name. The QB for the Bills. Who is it? I know this. Joe…Joe something… Trent Edwards. That’s it. No one cares if TO calls him out because that would be the most publicity that guy ever had.

5. The Red Sox locked up pitching ace Jon Lester for five years, $30 mill. That’s just awesome. Dustin Pedroia and Jon lester on long-term contracts for under $75 million combined. That may be the best two bargains in baseball today.

6. David Beckham has agreed to rejoi….ahhh no one cares about soccer.

7. UNC beat Duke in a thriller of sorts last night. While it’s not great that UNC won, because they always do, it’s great to see Duke lose. And don’t think they didn’t try to win. They cheated. They had the calls. They just still suck bad enough to lose anyways.

8. The Iditarod started this weekend. I don’t see the point in running a dog-sled team 1,100 miles from Anchorage, AK to Nome, AK. But then again, I don’t like my balls freezing off. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

That’s all I got. Hope you had a nice weekend, and that you changed your clocks, because if not, then you’re an hour late today, and probably in trouble.

Recap of the weekend

March 2, 2009

Despite the snow, some people still have work… unlike the teacher still sleeping at my house. Lucky jerk.

Anyways, a lot of important sports news went down this weekend, so let’s go over it, shall we?

1. We lost to Duke. It was a tough loss since we played well and stayed in it until the end. But, as always, Duke had the refs on their side to help them eek out another win. One play stands out in my mind. It’s always been my understanding that if you pick up your pivot foot, then you need to dribble or it’s traveling. According to this clip, I’m wrong. Kids should not be allowed to watch Duke games if they’re just starting out in the sport and want to learn the rules of the game. Though if they did, they will learn one key rule: Duke doesn’t commit fouls. It’s just your eyes playing a trick on you.

2. The Patriots traded, not only Matt Cassel, but also Mike Vrabel, to the Chiefs for a single second-round pick. Now a lot of people are scratching their heads on this one, but to me, it makes some sense. Not a lot. But some. Vrabel is at the end of his career and has served the Pats very well, but the defense is getting older and they need to get much younger in both the linebackers and secondary. Keeping him won’t help that very much.

Cassel is a good quarterback, but Brady is better. You can’t have two $14 million+ qbs on the same team with one of them twiddling his thumbs all season. Also, Cassel was good this year, with a great receiving corps and excellent QB coach, nevermind a great OC and a genius in Belichick. Hell, I might be able to win a few games with all that going for me. Before we keep on slobbering all over him, let’s see what he can do in KC to see if the Pats got shortchanged on this trade.

3. The National’s GM has quit. Whupdee doo, who the hell cares. The Nats suck and this is probably an upgrade. Hey, at least you still have Wily Mo Pena. And great concession stands.

4. Two NFL players went on a fishing trip and haven’t come back. Let’s hope they got a little disoriented and decided to stay in Mexico for a few days.

5. The Broncos tried to trade Jay Cutler to the Bucs in a three-way deal for Matt Cassel. Now Cutler is pissed and won’t talk to the Broncos. “Was Cassel worth it?! Can he love you like I do?!” Cutler sobbed as he ran into the locker room.

6. Apparently the Dodgers and Manny were only $1.5 million away from a deal, but nothing happened. I think now it’s just down to Manny being greedy and the Dodgers holding firm on principle alone. This has gotten real boring, real fast.

7. The Red Sox beat the Twins. Yayyy, they now have one spring training win other than Boston College. It’s sad, but I actually can’t wait for the WBC to start and have some pseudo-meaningful baseball being played.

8. Finally, A-Rod met with baseball officials for two hours. I’m sure nothing got accomplished because Bud Selig just wants all of this to go away. He is probably one of the worst commissioners ever in any sport. A-rod won’t get penalized and no changes will come in terms of testing or anything.

There you go. In case you slept through the weekend, that is what happened in the sports world over the last few days. Now go shovel your driveway.