Game 2: Marshall Preview

Welp, that sucked.

Another big game against the SEC. Another loss. How sad is it that we felt almost ok with the outcome since we didn’t get crushed or blow a 30 point lead?

In case you’re wondering, the last time we beat a top ten team was the 2006 over #10 Clemson. Since it was Clemson, we can barely count it.

The Northerner pretty much summed up what everyone was thinking from the Alabama game, but here are a few more thoughts before we put that guy to bed.

You know how many teams ESPN has made fun of for being super-duper predictable on offense? One. Us. It’s embarrassing.

There’s nothing we can even say any more. We are ready to lead an all out protest of Voldemort, our offensive coordinator. We’d like to see something like these town hall meetings on healthcare, only louder.

The defense spent nearly two-thirds of the game on the field. You know what you get when that happens? Five plays for 74 yards and a touchdown in just under three minutes. That would be Alabama’s last scoring drive after we cut the deficit to 3.

But don’t think the coaches were the only goats in this. Chancellor couldn’t cover a manhole. Tyrod threw for a whopping 91 yards. And whoever the f*** #62 is on the offensive line needs to be replaced with a parking cone. We know you’re just a kid, but come on man. You have to at least touch the guy as he goes screaming past you to kill our quarterback.

Ok, I feel a little bit better. It was out of conference, so mark that game with a big ol’ whatevs.


*More on that in our thank you’s for Hatefest 2009 tomorrow.


On to Marshall.

As a disclaimer, I need to note that my sister, a hardcore Virginia Tech fan, attends Marshall University. She has rooted for Tech since forever, and that’s not easy growing up in Morgantown. If my vile for the school seems a little toned down this week, you’ll have to forgive me.

She plans to attend the game wearing a Marshall shirt with a VT hat. This will be sure to confuse and confound anybody that happens to see her. Any abuse by Tech fans (which would be pretty sad, it’s freaking Marshall) will be swiftly dealt with by her jacked, ex-linebacker brother.

The Bad Guys
Other than the movie starring the dreamy Jack Sheppard and the dad from Hot Rod, not too much has happened since we last saw this team. They had been led by Byron Leftwich, most known for his backup role on the Steelers last year. (Don’t laugh, he has a Superbowl ring.)

Now? 99% of football fans couldn’t name one Marshall player.

If you really want a scouting report on this team, you’re not reading this site. But I wouldn’t waste your time. If we struggle at all, there will be bigger fish to fry.

The Hokies
We’re fine. So long as we call a bootleg on every play. I’ve seen better pass blocking on the intramural fields.


The Game
Despite being one of the easier games on our schedule, it is very important that we play well. Coming off a big loss to Alabama with Nebraska looming, a strong performance on Saturday will go a long way.

This isn’t to say we should overlook this game. Quite the opposite. We need to win this game by 30 points. If we struggle, we’ll be lucky to get out of September with only two losses.

Of course we want to keep everyone healthy, but I say game plan the shit out of this game… sorry, I said game plan. I forgot that’s not really in our bag of tricks.


Your Pump Up Song of the Week (other than Metallica)
In honor of the WORLD CHAMPION PITTSBURGH STEELERS playing tonight, we’ll hit you with a little Styx Renegade…

Who wants to powerhour?


Replacement Offensive Coordinator
Yes, we are no longer just looking for a good luck hero. We need results. And the only way is to replace Voldemort with someone worth a damn.

We figure that the best way to take down Marshall is with a marshal.

Who do we want calling our plays?

Marshal Samuel Gerard

Beamer: I didn’t call for this non-draw play.

Marshal Gerard: I don’t care.


5 Responses to “Game 2: Marshall Preview”

  1. Mo Gal Says:

    I appreciate the disclaimer and warning, but by "jacked, ex-linebacker" do you mean, "I made one tackle in 7th grade and the announcer thought I was Drew Neiman"?

  2. C Gally Says:


  3. Anonymous Says:

    lol, hateful!

  4. The Northerner Says:

    I didn't know you guys had a brother.

  5. Maniak Says:

    yeah what brother is this? i didnt even get past that sentence before i had to put a post down here?

    are you hiring polamalu now that he is hurt for 6 weeks?


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