Hatefest 2009

Many philosophers have attempted to explain the human race’s love affair with sports. Is it the competition? The team atmosphere? The feeling of community?

But alas, the answer is simple: HATE.

There is nothing better than that feeling of completely and utterly crushing your opponent into the mud… except when that opponent happens to be a hated rival.

As put best by Will Blythe (author of a Duke-UNC rivalry book), “To hate like this is to be happy forever.”

We all hate. We hate so many teams (our list came out to 23) for so many different reasons. Some are obvious (UVA). Some a little more nuanced (JMU). Some are because of the fans (WVU, Maryland, Pitt…trails off). Some are because of the uppity-ness of the school (Duke). Some are because of their success (USC). Hell, some are because of the band (JMU, again). And some are because of the “memories” they left us with (Radford).

But whatever the reason, the hate feels good. And in the doldrums of summer, we see no reason not to indulge ourselves in a little 8-week hate fest.

Yes, we only have 8 weeks to go (give or take a few days) until kickoff. Each week we will present you with a new category and group of schools:

Week 1: Mid-Majors or Less
Yes, we can hate on the little guys: ECU, Temple, JMU

Week 2: Big Names We Never Play
Some because of jealousy; some are because Charlie Weis is fat: Ohio State, Michigan, Notre Dame

Week 3: Big Names We’ve Sometimes Played
Lately, the results have not been pretty: USC, Auburn, LSU

Week 4: Big East Teams
The only way we could hate them more is if we had alimony payments: WVU, Pitt, Syracuse

Week 5: ACC Coastal
One day, we’ll think about letting them win an ACC title: UNC, Georgia Tech, Duke

Week 6: ACC Atlantic
One day, we’ll think about letting them win an ACC title: BC, Maryland, NC State, Clemson

Week 7: Teams from America’s Wang
We hated these teams long before a few were in our conference: Miami, Florida, Florida State

Week 8: UVA
UVA

—————————————–

But we can’t do this alone. Please feel free to email us any stories you may have that have led to your bitter hatred of any team.

Don’t worry if your hated school isn’t on the list. Did a girlfriend leave you for a douche from Colorado? We want it. Are you our Carnegie Mellon Super Scientific Football Analyst and hate Greensburg Technical School for the Blind? Send in your seething description of why. Heck, if you really really hate Syracuse, we’ll let you guest blog.

So get your entries in. Hatefest 2009 starts on Monday.

Note the tags on this post. All but “Hatefest 2009” has been used at some point in our humble site’s young career.

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16 Responses to “Hatefest 2009”

  1. The Northerner Says:

    You little piece of shit. You start this when I'm just about to leave for a week and a half. New HateFest category: CGally.

  2. C Gally Says:

    I'm sorry, you'll only have 6 1/2 weeks to participate. If you really really want to write the one about ECU, do it before you leave.

    Plus I needed something to ease the pain of not reading posts about the Red Sox while you're gone.

  3. The Northerner Says:

    yeah I got nothing on ECU. You're free for that one. But can I call Notre Dame, Maryland and/or Clemson?

  4. C Gally Says:

    You got it, though I'd like some input for Notre Dame. I just hate them so much…

    Also, "Fighting Irish" is an offensive stereotype.

  5. Maniak Says:

    so is 'ginger who needs an umbrella to go out in the sun' but you dont see me not saying it

  6. C Gally Says:

    No, I usually hear you saying it during those 3 am phone messages. The judge warned you…

  7. Randy Says:

    I hate you C Gally.

  8. C Gally Says:

    Sometimes we hate schools because Randy went there (Clemson).

  9. ebj Says:

    i hate UT, close but won't play us, don't respect us, ugly fucking colors, cheat their fucking balls off and don't get caught, instead turning in other cheaters to save their ass. everything is despicable about them, especially the over sized obnoxious T. is it some napoleon complex?

    outside of vt wins, uva and wvu losses, i never smile large as when steve freakin' superior beats their ass with a smirk on his face.

  10. DanGo Says:

    There's only one reason needed to hate UT – have you seen Lane Kiffin's wife?

  11. B-rock Says:

    i went to a small college near UGA in Georgia and let me tell you that UGA fans are THE WORST! they think that Athens is the promised land (downtown smells like a urinal) and that the bulldogs have never lost a game in 100 years, they have either been screwed or cheated or that the referees went to Florida. All they do is bark and woof and wear bright red, you cant have a legit honest football conversation with anyone there, i am so glad that there are no UGA fans down here but now i have to deal with the sidewalk alumni of University of Miami, and they all like to say we are the U! they think that their university is the only university with the letter U in it. and most of them couldnt even show you where Coral Gables is on a map and now they have to rent a stadium. what a bunch of teabags!

  12. Adam Says:

    Ok, let's all jump down off our high horse for a moment, and think about the reasons the rest of the world hates VT:
    1) Your colors – were those uniforms designed in the dark?
    2) Your alumni – Michael and Marcus Vick, enough said.
    3) Your mascot – Is a hokie even a turkey? I don't think so. So why pick a turkey as the mascot? I can see the war room now when this decision went down: "OK gentlemen, as you know, a hokie really isn't anything. We have the opportunity to make up our mascot… I have came up with a few suggestions. We could be a ferocious lion, a screaming war eagle, or a turkey. Any ideas?"

    The list could go on, but I will stop now and take comments.

  13. Steven Says:

    Please disregard Adam's comment, he's a coworker from the landfill we know as WVU, he knows not what he does.

    I think Gally nailed all schools mentioned, but I think we could throw Georgia into the mix, since they beat us a few years back in Atlanta (thanks Glennon for your heroic efforts). Plus, those sons of bitches bark in your face after they win…classy and original.

    I think Florida was a questionable call though. Yeah the media gives it up for Tebow, but he is pretty damn good. Plus I've worked with some Florida alums and they're all pretty cool. Add Erin Andrews as an alum and you could argue to take them off the list.

    I'd say to add every Mountain West school because they bitch so much about their BCS discrimination and supported a court hearing over it. Thanks Utah.

    Oklahoma sucks too, I think Bob Stoops was a villain in an old Steven Seagal flick.

  14. C Gally Says:

    Adam, thanks for reading, but don't be throwing stones in glass houses.

    Colors: Blue and Gold? How original. You're one of 40 schools in the country with those colors.

    Alumni: Despite your incorrect usage of the word (alumni must graduate from the school), I see what you're getting at. That said: Chris Henry and Pacman Jones. Pacman was on freaking house arrest IN MORGANTOWN. Hell, Bob Huggins doesn't even has his drivers license back after the DUI.

    Mascot: No, a Hokie is not a turkey. I'd tell the history, but I'm sure you're not actually interested.

    And a real human mascot? Who does that? You and Notre Dame, not the company I want to keep. The guy has a coon-skin hat.

    Anyways, we'll probably put together a solid anti-Hokie response. And rest assured, our Hatefest 2009 posts will be as stereotypical as you can imagine (i.e. UVA kids are uppitty, UNC kids are uppitty, Duke kids are uppitty) so I don't mind the call out on our mascot and former players (NOT alumni).

  15. C Gally Says:

    Also, UT and Georgia have been added to their respective categories for out of conference opponents.

    Florida remains, because Steve's a tool bag.

  16. Adam Says:

    Colors: I am not sure if WVU + Cal + Michigan = 40… but I guess it is close… I don't think you can say ND, Pitt, or UCLA are quite the same colors.

    Alumni/formerplayers: I guess you are right, that is a wash. Every school has their fair share of blackeyes, in our case, we wear them proudly like Huggins after all his drunken incidents.

    Mascot: Other notable human mascots: FSU Seminole & USC Trojan, but I guess you are correct, a Turkey is a lot better.

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