Emitt Smith axed by ESPN

For reasons unknown to me, Emmitt Smith has been fired from ESPN. This tragedy comes as a shock to myself and countless other linguists who thrived on Emmitt’s masterful usage of the English language. Like no other before him, and most likely no other after, Emmitt danced a beautiful ballet of words and grammar that enlightened the mind and inspired the uninspired.

What I don’t get is why do TV channels insist on having essentially illiterate and unintelligent former players as analysts. Just because they played the game better than many other before them does not mean that they can also master the art of speaking about their craft in front of millions of people. He should have gotten fired after the first friggin’ game he did because he was unintelligible and just embarrassing to watch. I mean come on:

I know five year olds who think they are a cat, literally think they are of the feline species, that speak exceedingly better than this guy. You can’t put that crap on TV and think that it’s going to work well. I mean the ESPN execs had to have interviewed him or at least had lunch with him before they put his ass on the screen, right? I mean he “corrected” himself from the right term to the wrong term. It’s like his brain was saying “This is the correct thing to say, say it” and he gave his own brain a big “F you, I’m going with my gut”.

Now I hear that they might replace him with Brett Favre. Whoopee. This should be fun. Because America isn’t sick of him as it is.

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