Weekend recap

I got shivers last night. I turned on the TV to NBC and saw something magical. More on that later.

1. Tiger Woods won his 70th tournament. He’s now won two since not making the cut at his last major. I think he’s pissed now.

2. Let’s get this over with. The Red Sox played like shit and the pitching was horrendous. Save for the second game where Beckett pitched, and Lester did all right, not great. But the Yankees swept the Sox and now put the Sox back a lot of games and tied with the Rangers… and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

3. My level of upset-ness was dropped a few notches when I turned on the television last night to see FOOTBALL BEING PLAYED! Completely forgot this was the HOF game weekend and the start of preseason football. My body quivered with anticipation as I watched about ten minutes of the Titans smacking around the Bills. What? It was the Titans and the Bills! Ten minutes is a big investment.

4. The Red Sox designated Smoltz for assignment on Friday after his shitshow of a pitching performance on Thursday. Finally. I mean this guy was once good. Not in the AL East apparently. Glad to see we have to lose eight fucking games to figure that out.

5. In honor of the football season getting on its feet again, here is the salary crunch thing from ESPN again, now with Eli Manning’s new salary! Get your bottle of scotch ready, boys!

That’s all I’ve got for you now. Look forward to ACC Coastal teams in this weeks lineup of HateFest 2009.

The Michael Crabtree Ordeal

Unprecedented. Unheard of. Unthinkable. Oh, and most of all, just absolutely ridiculous.

In case you haven’t heard the news, Michael Crabtree, recently drafted as the 10th pick by the San Francisco 49ers, is threatening to sit out the entire 2009 season. What’s the big deal you may ask? People threaten to sit out all the time. But get a load of this…

Crabtree is threatening to sit out the 2009 season based on mock drafts and not what really happened. Yes, that’s right. MOCK DRAFTS. As most of you know, Darrius Heyward-Bey was selected seventh overall by the Oakland Raiders, which was a shocking pick, but it happened nonetheless. So Heyward-Bey is guaranteed more money and Crabtree demands to make more than the $23.5 million the Raiders guaranteed Heyward-Bey. So what happens if this doesn’t happen? “Unacceptable.”

Sure, Crabtree might be a better wide receiver, but he was still drafted lower. Oh, and guess what his cousin has to say about Crabtree sitting out the entire season: “We are prepared to do it. Michael just wants fair market value. Michael is one of the best players in the draft, and he just wants to be paid like one of the best players.” Who is this guy? I mean, it’s one thing if his agent comes out and says this, but his cousin? Give me a break!

We here at The North End Zone think he deserves jackass of the week, if not the entire year. I mean, really, who bases their pay on a mock draft?

In a word: FAIL.

He’s out

RICHMOND, Va. – An attorney for Michael Vick says the suspended NFL star has left a Kansas prison and is on his way back to Virginia to meet the next challenges he’ll face.

Larry Woodward, a member of Vick’s legal team, says Vick left the federal penitentiary at Leavenworth overnight. Woodward says Vick is happy to be starting this part of the process. He’s due to return to Virginia later this week to begin serving the final two months of his sentence under home confinement at a home he owns in Hampton.

And so begins the attempt to get back into the football world. Some are saying Goodell may ban him from the league, but in my opinion, if he hasn’t done it already, then he probably won’t do it. And also, if Ray Lewis can kill a guy with his own hands, I don’t see why Vick can’t come back from funding a dog fighting ring. And ask the Fiancee, you won’t find a bigger dog fan than me.

I just hope that for his sake and the sake of everyone, that he doesn’t go and play for the Raiders. That team just needs to go away. Now that Jake Grove is on the Dolphins and DeAngelo Hall is on the ‘Skins, of course.

Side note: Did anyone see that Bruce Smith got busted for a DUI the other day? What is up with all these former VT football players being in the news lately?

Side Side note: Going through the list of VT players in the NFL I found out that apparently Glennon is quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings. That would explain why Favre is on the fence about playing. Too tough of competition.

If I was a girl how would I pick the winner of Sunday’s Games?

MASCOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Mascot is any person, animal, or object that is thought to bring luck (your lucky beer cup is your own personal mascot). This also includes anything used to represent a group with a common identity.

We need something that says we’re gay, and Republican.

During a game, have you ever noticed how excited your female companions get when they notice the mascot on the field? Of course, this pales in comparison to the mascot being close enough to touch said female. The point of all of this is to pick the games this Sunday solely based on the best/cutest/less repulsive mascot.

First we will start with the NFC game.

Eagles Vs Cardinals (PS girls I am not putting an @ symbol because you should know by now that the second team listed is always the away team wether it in text or on TV)

Swoop Vs Big Red

First of all the Cardinals Mascot is Big Red. It’s a chewing gum, not a mascot. It doesn’t instill fear. However, Big Red might be cuter and less menacing looking than swoop and he is red. Chicks dig red more than green and black. So, I think the edge has to go to the Cardinal looking thing here.

The AFC Game

Ravens Vs Steelers(still no @ symbol live it learn it love it)

Poe Vs Steely McBeam

So, does anyone else think that Poe the Raven is compensating for something with that large nose? I do. Also, doesn’t Steely Mcbeam look like the union construction worker from the Village People? Now, the choice is between a large beaked bird or a construction worker that may or may not prefer the company of men.

Chicks dig a manly man and if he may be gay that just means hes easier to talk too and a good listener. So, the nod goes to Steely and the Steelers. Of course, good things always seem to be taken a step too far…

Ron Rivera: You Just Got Served

Congratulations! You are the defensive coordinator for the Super Bowl runner-up. You coached the 3rd-best defense in the league, and were considered as a top canidate for four NFL head coaching positions. How did those opportunities turn out? Oh, you were demoted?

Who are you? You are Ron Rivera, part of America’s major-minority, and the NFL’s forgotten minority

Lost in the shuffle of the wonderful achievement of black coaches making it to the Super Bowl was the fact that our Hispanic friend Rivera was passed on 4 times for the top job in the NFL (Aside from the ref that marks the original line of scrimmage for a drive. Seriously, how is that a job?).

For a league and media so gung-ho for diversity, it is surprising that this was missed. Imagine an African American coach with Rivera’s credentials being demoted to linebacker coach for a guy named Norv. Bob Ley would have “Outside the Lines” fodder for weeks to come!

Apprently, diversity is news-worthy when it’s black and white. I realize there are not that many Hispanic players in the league, but if media folks are going to step up for one race, why not others? Not that ESPN has noticed the growing demographic of Latin Americans in the US (ESPN Deportes and Sal Paolantonio do not count).

My question is who will be the first one to apologize for an illegal immigrant joke pertaining to Rivera and his new team in San Diego? Maybe Jamal Anderson, the NFL equivalent of flash in the pan player Tim Hardaway (in playing, not in hating gay people).

In the next 50 years, are we to expect that there will be no growth in Hispanic, Asia, or Scandinavian players and possible coaches in the NFL? How far does the Rooney Rule go? Soon, each team will be required to interview one person for every continent.